Relationship Well I Knew It Was Coming

[christine12]

Well after all my posts and attempts to understand , join forums , talk discuss and even the attempt to do things to help me be more supportive. What does he choose to say to me tonight he decides to tell me he is bowing out because he can't get past a feeling of something weither It be a knee jerk reaction, the feeling of he wasn't gonna do right by me , or he is afraid. But really couldn't explain it to me! After this amount of time you tell me that like nothing matters and like nothin we shared or spoke together about mattered at all .

Right now I am full of anger and down right dislike for him how could he hurt me like this how could he let go like this. I soo beyond pissed and hurt I don't even know what to do now. I invested alot into this my heart my time and my hopes and with in less than 5 minutes he took that away ... I wanna say hatred fills my heart but hate is so strong .

Christine

 

[discarded]

Hi Christine. My heart goes out to you for what has happened. I know how you feel after my husband of 28 years informed he no longer loves me and isn't sure if he ever did. I think the PTSD has alot to do with it but there are so many times when I find it so hard to accept that PTSD is to blame and it is their way of coping. It doesn't help us in anyway to cope with the hurt, especially when they are usually so cold and emotionless about it all. In another week he is likely to change his mind and say he wants you back but you can't live in hope that it might happen.

I hope that time heals the pain and anger for both of us. We deserve so much more and maybe our men know that and can't be the ones to do that (in their eyes). A broken heart is so painful, but it takes 2 to make a relationship and when 1 is no longer willing there is nothing you can do but work through the pain, let go and move in another direction. Great advice i know, pity I am finding it all such a struggle.

 

[christine12]

@ discarded thank you so very much for your words I honestly needed them.

At this very second I feel so hurt and angry that I honestly don't know what to do. PTSD or not NO one deserves to feel this pain with such careless and emotionless non sense. You ate so very right we do deserve so much better I know it hurts now and the pain will eventually ease up but that anger and dispectable feeling towards them who hurt you will remain and scar you to your soul..

Thank you again

Christine

 

[discarded]

For quite a while I wanted to make him hurt as much as I was hurting but then I realised he isn't capable of emotion, if he were it would be obvious. It has been 3 1/2 months since we separated, mainly because I couldn't handle being in the same place with the man I love when he had distanced himself from me so much. I was bitter and angry and had become quite verbally abusive toward him in abid to get answers or some sort of emotional response. I got neither. He said he was actually content for us to share our home, he would live downstaits and our daughter and I upstairs. It didn't work for me. He said when I left that he wanted time to sort himself out on his own and for me not to move on, he asked for 3 months. That time passed and mothing has changed. I am in counselling, he is not. I have all the responsibilities of our daughter, he has none.

I am very tired of PTSD and the effect it has had on my life as I am sure you are too. Is your man getting any treatment? Are you getting help for yourself? There are days when I really don't want to go on anymore but I have my daughter to think about. She has already been abandoned by one parent so I could never do that to her. Do you have a support network?

 

[99Phoenix99]

I'm so sorry to hear this Christine... I really REALLY am. I've seen your struggle with your posts. And I feel for you.

My question to you is this... are you still going to keep in contact with him?

It may not be the same (he didn't have PTSD) but when my last boyfriend broke up with me he said he still wanted to hang out and be friends. Mind you ended it with me for his ex. I told him no. I couldn't handle it for various reasons at the moment and I'd get back to him if I wanted to stay in contact or not.

I did not talk, text, or see him for over a month. I needed time to think. I was too upset in the beginning to process. In that time I realized I still liked him. And that it would be torture to continue on as friends. Especially because I KNEW he still liked me. And I figured out something horrifying. He was going to keep me around most likely for the fact that when things ended with her I would be his fallback.

He wanted to make me his security blanket. His JUST IN CASE.

The worst part was I still liked him. But logic dictated I needed to end it for good. I would NOT BE THAT GIRL. I messaged him and told him I wasn't interested in continuing on. It was short and sweet. Right to the point.

He mesaaged me back with a freaking dissertation. He was upset with ME! He broke up with me but was upset that I was ending it. He kept telling me how much he missed me etc etc.

My point being. Yes. Ours are completey different circumstances but there's something we have in common. There's a point when you need to cut your losses. He's said it's over. And as GOD AWFUL as this is going to sound YOU need to make sure it's over. Because if you stick around... it's only going to hurt more.

PTSD aside, he's a man who led you on. You may be friends but that's a shit thing to do. And you DON'T deserve that and you SHOULDN'T put up with it. He needs to know that. You are a strong and caring woman. And he's missing out. If you hang around he's just going to take advantage of that. And technically things won't be "over" and it'll be to your disadvantage because he'll still have you "around".

You deserve better.

And he doesn't deserve you.

Not one bit.

 

[christine12]

@discarded thank you again so very much for sharing your story and helping see things from another person eyes I truly appreciate that.

99phoneix99 I so very much appreciate your words of wisdom and encouragement as well I am hurtin so very much and so very angry it feels like a overly amount of emotions going on in my mind and in my head and hurt .

I truly cannot believe he did this to me I am just flabbergasted .... Part if me is so angry I feel like hurting him but I know it would not matter to him one way or another ...

Christine

 

[amethist]

Hi christine

Take some time to heal yourself now, it wont be easy, but you will have to do it.

you cannot keep hold of the hurt and pain this has caused you. So please find a safe and positive way to let of of it all. Talking to a counselor may be a step in the right direction.

Take care, it wont hurt forever.

 

[99Phoenix99]

Your anger... It's understandable and it's healthy. You've been seriously wronged.

There's a phrase I've recently learned that's helped me with my upset towards my ex. "There's a reason why we met. You're either a blessing or a lesson."

For me, my ex was a lesson. I know more what to look out for now. What and who isn't good for me. It's a painful lesson but because it was so painful, because it cut so deep I know I will be more careful who I trust in a romantic setting so there isn't a repeat. I can actually see those dating "red flags" now and what their consequences will be.

I hope this can help you as it's helped me. Maybe it won't help today or tomorrow but far down the road when you think about this guy in retrospect.

In the mean time have you joined that kick boxing class? (I'm pretty sure you mentioned that). Find a way to focus that anger. Take your anger and help it reinvent yourself.

The best kind of revenge is being able to pick yourself up and live fabulously. Make them jealous that they missed out on someone who is strong. Make them jealous that they were too stupid to see that even if you get knocked down you can bounce back even more fiercely than before.

That you're only getting stronger. And it was their mistake.

Take your time.

Be with your support.

Don't repress what you're feeling, use it to motivate you.

And vent all you need to.

 

[christine12]

@amehtist thank you so very much for your words and you are correct I need to take time to heal myself and make myself that priority.

@99phoneix99 I really appreciate your words and your wisdom and reading your replies to me have surely given me food for thought and is encouraging me to not turn my anger inside which is what I usually do. And as far as kick boxing I think it's something that I will be joining this week and take some of this frustration out.

I have talked to him and he continues to text me ; it's hard to just break something that u have done continuely everyday for months and months but I realize in order for me to heal I need to back off some .

I can say one thing I am so very glad I joined this forum.

Christine

 

[Bilby]

I'm really sorry to hear this, Christine. I don't have any real words of wisdom, only that I appreciate the hurt you must be feeling. Phoenix, Discarded and Amethist have offered some fantastic advice and worded things in a way far better than I could, so I will just leave you with a hug. :hug:

Take care of yourself, ok?

B x

 

[christine12]

@ Bilby Thank you for your post I truly appreciate it and the hug was much needed, I am going to indeed learn how to take care of me something I dont think I have ever done before. Time hopefully will heal my pain but I know anger lingers in there as well.

Not sure why he wants to continue to talk to me or text me or even see each other its as if he is confused his own self... Ugh and that is frustrating on its own.

Christine

 

[Bilby]

It's a bit disrespectful if you ask me - he should just let you be for now. Try to hold off on returning the texts etc if you can - I think separating yourself from him as much as you can is the only way for you to be able to move forward now.

B x