Well I've Had To Take A Medical Leave From Work.

[falling]

I've been using my sick time over the past yr to try and help get through my pain with ptsd. As you all know there are some days when you simply cannot function let alone be productive at your job.

Recently a coworker had basically attacked me about the amount of sick time I use. She said she has no compassion left for me cause I am always putting the department in a bad spot staffing wise. She started asking why I use the amt of sick time I do and when was the last time I worked a full week, etc. She just mad me feel terrible about myself and the balancing act I thought was keeping me above water. I have also been told by other coworkers that she talks about me behind my back and she is constantly watching my work and criticizes my work whenever possible. She has made it so that I feel ashamed when I'm at work. Ashamed that I'm not as good an employee as I once was. Whenever I'm at work now I feel such anxiety and panic that I feel as though I will faint any min. If she only knew what I was dealing with. I'd like to see her handle it better....

So, I have gone to my doctor and explained that my ptsd symptoms are back. Told her I am taking steps to deal-seeing a T, and on effexor. She advised me to take a moth off work immediately. She took my blood pressure and it was 138/100. I usually have low blood pressure. She took it several times and then asked if I feel panic at that time. I did-only a little though compared to how I usually feel. Going to the doc is a trigger for me as it reminds me of the first time I had to tell someone that I was raped.

Anyways, she have me an rxn for lorazepam and said if I feel like I'm having a panic attack to put one under my tongue? I dunno...She is also sending me for blood work and an ECG.

I'm waiting for occupational health to contact me regarding how to go about taking a medical leave. I don't know how I'm going to be able to pay my bills without pay but I can't work like this anymore.

 

[stephanie44]

I am so sorry you are going through this. I took a 6 week medical leave from my job two years ago and although it was hard, I am glad I did it. It may help to take some time off. I am thinking about you.

 

[WillyKat]

What business does a co-worker have to treat you like that? Sickening. Hang in there!

 

[franciemarnie]

What a jerk that person is. She mustn't feel secure in her job or she wouldn't be looking for ways to artificially inflate her sense of superiority. Putting someone else down may make a person feel "better than" temporarily but it can't last so they have to keep doing it.

 

[maddog]

Shame on her, and I'm so sorry you have had to experience this. I too was bullied into a period of medical leave by a vicious and vindictive co-worker a couple of years ago, and while she technically didn't have the authority to force me to take leave, her behaviour and the additional stress it caused me were the tipping point that ruled me out of work for a couple of months. It is arguable that I really needed to face my reality and take leave at the time anyway, but that was a totally separate issue for me at the time, as it is for you now, and the issue of your work status is between you and your manager/supervisor(s) and not a co-worker.

I really hope that you have supportive, or at least ethical, management who can work with you during this process. In the meantime, as horrible as it is, perhaps you are indeed better off out of the workplace and away from the toxic influence of your co-worker while you deal with your health.

Really really feeling for your plight.

Maddog

 

[falling]

Maddog-thank you for your understanding. I'm sorry that you too have had to deal with such shit at work. The thing is is that I too came to the conclusion that its just as well as I need to be pushed a little into taking time off to work on myself.

I really need to start filtering who and what I let into my life. I need to start to look at life differently and start to value how I am feeling each day instead of trying to "keep up".

Hugs to anyone and everyone that has been taught that our mental health is not important.

 

[maddog]

You are so right Falling. Having your head around that is half the battle, and your attitude about all of this sounds really healthy. Really really hope that the time away from work turns out to be the silver lining to this cloud of stigma.

Maddog

 

[DharmaGirl]

I was hounded by my boss. I was told by several co-workers that management was trying to push me out, so I went on medical leave and have been for over a year and a half. Wow, didn't realize it. I would love to go back to work, but I also have done a lot of work on my PTSD. I am so happy that I was able to do that. I hope you get some healing and peace with your leave.

 

[falling]

Thank you both. Now I just have to figure out what to do with my time that will be helpful instead of isolating myself and thinking too much about everything. Funny how I forget how to live a healthy life style all of a sudden.

Do you guys have a kind of daily routine so to keep positive? I think I will need to push myself to get outside often. Too much time indoors is not a good thing for me as it just makes my mind race.

Also, I'm sorry you both have had troubles like this. I wish more than anything that I knew a "cure" for ptsd. :(

 

[maddog]

Routine and keeping active, as much as possible, is definitely important, particularly for those of us who are used to being busy and living in fairly structured routines. For me, ensuring that I exercised regularly and found something to keep my mind stimulated and active as well, were both critical to combatting depression and stagnation and ensuring that my sense of self worth and accomplishment didn't deteriorate too much.

They don't have to be huge amounts of activity or stimulation and at times, trauma symptoms and general coping stress affect the extent to which I am able to do that, but by setting some basic but flexible parameters around getting out of the house and engaging with the world, I had a framework to work towards, and that's been really important.

Obviously, if you have therapy or other treatment regimes, this can be factored into your new routine as well, but try not to let everything be about therapy, because lifestyle balance is as important when you're not working as it is when you are.

The adjustment period was enormous and overwhelming for me, so take it easy and try to be gentle with yourself as you get used to the new normal.

Maddog

 

[falling]

Great advice-now lets see if I can take it and apply it. Thanks you for your support. I'm so grateful to have found such wise/kind people here.

 

[cat]

Hi Falling I know its hard to admit you need time off but in my experience its the best thing to do. My employers werent happy about it but like you I just couldnt function at work any more & it was causing too much added stress.

While you are off use the time to relax, be kind to yourself & allow all your emotions & thoughts to just be. As I'm sure you know fighting them back to go to work just makes them worse, you need this time to explorer and understand them.

Very best of luck with all you are doing to get into recovery......when you get there it's amazing! Hope that happens for you soon xx