What am I not seeing?

Flying Dove

Confident
I am learning more and more about AI distorting reality. I have 2 customer service issues right now I am working on resolving. Got 3 hours of sleep last night. Very busy today. Stretched too thin. Husband claims I am depressed and letting it get the best of me. He says I am depressing him. No I am not depressed but I am fatigued in pain overwhelmed. My work on the CPT app is correcting dysfunctional thinking including the shtf beliefs of husband. I did what I needed to do today. All adult issues responsibilities. So husband says poor... my first name. I filed my federal taxes today. Put groceries up. Etc. In addition learning more about how AI distorts reality. I should not I guess complain to him about things like this. Another issue again with us over stupidity. Almost 2 weeks went by without this. Yes I have hope a plan. He talks to his brother and says regarding political situation I have no hope.
 
Today I am rested quiet. Husband and I not really speaking. I was extremely tired . I asked for quiet day. I recalled an incident when I was 14. I was awaken for church by my father. I expressed that I did not want to go.,That was basically forbidden in my house. I had not slept well the night before. Then my 4 year old brother poured cold water on me. I remember expressing anger and tears. My father called me the queen. Expressing displeasure at me indicating I should get whatever I want. Yesterday I received a call from executive at my health insurance investigating a complaint I filed. This was the second time. It wore me out explaining again. I felt invalidated. I have ordered a paw print ring on ebay. I am not able to track it with number. I have reached out to seller multiple times. The seller has stopped responding to me. So I have canceled the order. Tired of the stress. My husband said this has happened to him with purchases from India. My husband has beliefs we deserve what we get I sensed criticism so I said I don't care if being shipped from India. The seller is not responding. He said I won't be treated this way. My point is again he d3fined me and my reality by later saying I was depressed don't let it ruin your day you are not going to ruin mine. I was tired stressed but depression- no. He said later he is tired of trying to make me happy. If I am left to my own self I am happy. Always was when I could do this. Authority problems were not my issue. I was and am a person liking calm order quiet rest interested in health and psychology.,yesterday I read a very a very good article from Pew research about AI the internet and how it is being used for profit to facilitate chaos misinformation power and control. This incident escalated way beyond what it should. I do think my husband is depressed. I am part of it but I still think his consumption of news which confirms what he believes is part of it too. He has said he has never had a woman in his life challenge his beliefs this much. My therapist h as said a relationship does not mean 2 people have to agree on everything, any insight is appreciated.
 
Is that a role you want to play?
Thank you. I do not want that role. I want to feel safe again. Not in fear of shtf. He says he is tired of all my sadness complaining about life. I dont know how I will safe again what to do about this or how to feel about it. I said out loud just a few moments ago I wished I had stayed in Kansas City Mo. ( my life long hometown and state) I know my cpt app from the VA is some what different from the ptsd cup but I see from it a clear demarcation. We met in 2020 4 months after the pandemic started. The pandemic and all its changes scared me but I was doing better than now. His belief in shtf him surviving me surviving not realistic for me. Once my supply of anti epileptic drug is gone is gone my chances for a seizure and SUDEP go up a lot. I gave seen the percentages more than once. I feel sad because I have lost hope again. Today is bad again for me. I clearly see I experienced another trauma due to the effects of his beliefs on me. I have to move on from this. Stop blaming. I do wish this had not happened. We have a nice rv in a remote beautiful area of NM. I do not have to believe his views or participate in things that reinforce it just do not know what to do how to feel. Thank you Rose White. I do not want to play that role. My husband and his brother do challenge each others beliefs regularly. I see a pattern.
 
Today is bad again for me. I clearly see I experienced another trauma due to the effects of his beliefs on me.
I’d give it the weight it deserves, rather than lumping it amongst life threatening trauma. It’s a HEAVIER thing, and a far more complex thing, than straight up life/death. Someone ELSE believes “normal” is life or death? The world is ending? That’s gotta helluvan effect on the people around them… once they start a) believing it -or- b) attempting to work around delusions being part of their everyday life.

A complex multilayered effect on ANYONE, much less someone with PTSD, so liable to kick into their own symptoms in response.

Don’t minimize it, by calling it trauma. It’s much, much more.
 
I’d give it the weight it deserves, rather than lumping it amongst life threatening trauma. It’s a HEAVIER thing, and a far more complex thing, than straight up life/death. Someone ELSE believes “normal” is life or death? The world is ending? That’s gotta helluvan effect on the people around them… once they start a) believing it -or- b) attempting to work around delusions being part of their everyday life.

A complex multilayered effect on ANYONE, much less someone with PTSD, so liable to kick into their own symptoms in response.

Don’t minimize it, by calling it trauma. It’s much, much more.
Please Friday tell me what you think it is. Delusions? Power and control issues? Macevellian traits? Cluster b personality traits? He has had past concussion issues in the military personal life. What about psychosis?

You are right Friday. I am triggered everyday even without discussing anything about current events due to knowing his beliefs.,

I’d give it the weight it deserves, rather than lumping it amongst life threatening trauma. It’s a HEAVIER thing, and a far more complex thing, than straight up life/death. Someone ELSE believes “normal” is life or death? The world is ending? That’s gotta helluvan effect on the people around them… once they start a) believing it -or- b) attempting to work around delusions being part of their everyday life.

A complex multilayered effect on ANYONE, much less someone with PTSD, so liable to kick into their own symptoms in response.

Don’t minimize it, by calling it trauma. It’s much, much more.
Is this abuse? Dumb question from someone who had DV treatment
 
It is a.m in NM. I am doing cpt work . Reading good housekeeping real simple on line. I am back in touch with the authentic me, The fear is still there. A little better. I had a hard time last night. Filing federal taxes on my own via the is did not work. I used turbo tax and it all went well intil AI changed my email so the code for 2 step verification failed. So I created new Gmail. Will try again. I asked husband is it safe here. How do you know when shtf perople will not c9me in and kill me. He said I won't let that happen. I burst into tears I rsaid I have info saying the stuff online not safe. Then I said out loud I should have stayed in Kansas city. . I am staying for my dogs. i posted a picture of them in one of my posts about ESAs
 
some thoughts i have come across- if cut you out you most likely gave me the scissors.

A Turkish proverb- the forest was shrinking but the trees kept voting for the axe, for the axe was clever and convinced the trees that because his handle was made of wood he was one of them.
 
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