What Am I Supposed To Talk About?

[piratelady]

I have my next appointment on Monday. I am not sure what I am supposed to talk about.

Last week I was told that I can take things very slowly and that I don't have to talk about my trauma. I was also told that we can't talk about it all the time - I am supposed to find balance between talking about that and other things.

I like to think about what to talk about ahead of time; but I am at a complete loss. I have no idea what I'm supposed to talk about. For so long we talked about my now ex-husband and how he treated me. I am alone now. I just go to work and come home. I guess I am worried about going to therapy and sitting in silence...agonizing silence. Perhaps I am putting way too much thought into this?

 

[intothelight]

Hi Piratelady,

Actually it is hard to figure out what to talk about at times, but many times your therapist will help guide the conversation if you don't have a specific topic in mind. When you mentioned that you "go to work and come home", is there something more that you would like to be doing? Maybe that could be a topic?

Just a thought.

Deb

 

[Abrasky]

With my therapist I work on what comes up at the time. As I get over one thing, another thing will come up and PTSD sought of evolves I have have found. The things I was afraid of one month, were different to the things the next month.

 

[Smushroom]

piratelady, I have gone in to see my T with a specific issue I want to talk about, but instead we work on something completely different. Your T will guide you, they seem to know what step you are up to, and where to take the conversation. Therapy really is just a whole bunch of steps, all leading to the one goal. I know it's hard not to stress about what you are going to say, I was the exact same, but as you come to know your T and your confidence and trust grows, your anxiety over what to say will decrease :)

 

[maddog]

I agree that discussions can take a lot of twists and turns, and don't always start out, or finish up, where you initially expected them to. As you and your T become more familiar with each other and you become more comfortable and used to the process, you will probably find yourself spending less time worrying about what to talk about.

Sometimes it can help to start with something that has been particularly challenging since your last appointment, as this can be a good way of starting to talk about a relevant issue which often has key underlying themes that are worthy of deeper exploration.

And sometimes it's ok to just start slow and talk about safe stuff too. Therapy is a long and winding process, and just as it's important to deal with the big issues, it's also important to find the safe footing and the calm human interaction, as this all contributes to the building of a healthy therapeutic alliance.

Good luck.

Maddog

 

[Meadowsweet]

I might be wrong, but I can't help feeling that maybe this therapist has been good at counselling you through the split with your husband. But maybe now it is time to move forward and look into trauma therapy.

Part of ptsd is that we do avoid talking about trauma, because its frightening and triggers horrible symptoms.

So even though you need to be in control of when you talk and make that choice for yourself, I think if a therapist can tell you how it will help you, then that is real encouragement.

My therapist says things like 'I think next week we'll try looking in more detail at this trauma. If you don't feel up to it, thats ok, but we'll see how it goes'.

Its something I know I've got to do at some point, because it is trauma therapy and it has goals. And if we're not moving toward the goals then the therapy will stop.

But its good to have those goals and to know that I'm in control, but have enough pressure to challenge my desire to avoid talking.

I just think, if I was allowed to talk about anything, and talk about trauma when I felt able to, I would be in therapy for years.

Another thought though, it took me 5 years after my last trauma to go for therapy. So maybe there is a period after trauma when people aren't readt to talk.

 

[piratelady]

Thank you all for the input, it was all very helpful :)

Meadowsweet: Yes, my therapist has made the same point, that it is time to work on trauma therapy. He says that it will get worse - but then it will get better and as it gets better I will be in more control of my feelings and symptoms. He keeps telling me this; I think he hopes it will help me to be more willing to talk about my trauma.

But its good to have those goals and to know that I'm in control, but have enough pressure to challenge my desire to avoid talking.

I just think, if I was allowed to talk about anything, and talk about trauma when I felt able to, I would be in therapy for years.

I think you make a good point here and I will bring this up to my therapist and see if we can set some more concrete goals about when I will talk about my trauma so I'm not avoiding it forever. There is definitely no pressure to talk about any of it.


Actually, this week I've finally started to turn things around again. For the first time in nearly two weeks I am sleeping well, not dwelling on my abuse. I'm functional. I think I'm worried that he will think I am ready to talk about the trauma again since there isn't anything else pressing. It was so much easier to talk about how stressful my life was at the time than it is to talk about the awful things that have been done to me.

I guess I have more to talk about than I realized. Thanks for helping me think through this everyone! You all are so helpful :)

 

[Meadowsweet]

This is an article on a trauma focussed CBT methods that I found helpful. Its aimed at trainee therapists I think, but if you scroll down, it tells you some methods that can be used. Link Removed

 

[piratelady]

Thanks again! I read the article and found it helpful. Everyone here is so helpful.:tup: