General What are they thinking?

[Abstract]

Hope things calm soon for you @Freida

 

[Freida]

When you’re in danger you don’t put your loved ones in danger. You put distance. Blow chaff. Protect those closest to you by drawing fire away from them, not bringing it home.

There are other reasons, always, but if the bolded section is what’s up? Or a piece of what’s up? Look and see if you’re following the wrong protocols.

Right if you were actually in danger.
Wrong if you’re not.

holy shit balls
wow.
holy shit balls
You must be right because I just burst into tears.
I run so I don't put them in danger.
I draw the fire
Its dangerous to be around me because I bring danger everywhere I go
If I can't protect me how can I protect them?

wrong protocols
wrong use of my resources
wrong battle plan
wrong reasons

I think my head just exploded
I have some serious reframing to do.

 

[Freida]

Thanks @Abstract
Friday kinda blew my mind but I think she may have shoved me onto the right track. Now lets hope I don't get hit by a train :laugh:

 

[Ronin]

Its dangerous to be around me because I bring danger everywhere I go

Oh come on Freida.
You been doing grocery shopping every so often, mowing the lawn, driving, walking on the street, and a million of other activities.... In which you brought nobody no danger.

So I call: Needs reframing, on this one? :) And it likely is not true, either. :hug:

If I can't protect me how can I protect them?

Teamwork :) You got them to watch out for you, that time.
You do not need to do it all of the time.

Sounds like January needs to blow over already.

 

[Freida]

So I call: Needs reframing, on this one? :) And it likely is not true, either. :hug:

Yep! added to the list. But yea - this whole "draw fire" thing was a big wake up call for me. Or maybe @Friday was the person who finally smacked me upside the head hard enough to get it to sink in. I thougth I was running to protect them from ME. Never dawned on me that I was running to get whatever was chasing me away from them.

Sounds like January needs to blow over already.

yes please.... I'm not a fan -- time for it to go away ......

 

[Friday]

I thougth I was running to protect them from ME.

I do that, too. A lot. Self control is a thing. Not always a thing I’m very good at. Which was an easy one to sort, had a lot of practice. If I can’t mind my bearing? Imma take my explosive ass outta range. Clear your back blast! Not a new thing, really. & Same rule - Protect the ones you love. The other piece? Old rules that don’t apply, & drawing fire? That one took longer. Prolly because all my instincts were screaming at me I was under fire. Used to heeding those absolutely. Even when they’re wrong :whistling: Hey. Lookin stupid is better than looking dead, right? Right.

I mostly remind myself that listening to my instincts is different from being a slave to them.

 

[Freida]

Lookin stupid is better than looking dead, right? Right.

Exactly!!!!

I mostly remind myself that listening to my instincts is different from being a slave to them.

ok - loving that. and need to tattoo it on my forehead

Thanks for all this -- you've made my head hurt so it must be important to me! :laugh:

 

[Never_falter2]

Hi @Freida Have you actually ever done energy drinks as comfort food because being stressed/vigilant makes you feel comfortable?

 

[Freida]

Hi @Freida Have you actually ever done energy drinks as comfort food because being stressed/vigilant makes you feel comfortable?

I'm not an energy drink fan but coffee?? Oh Ya. I don't think it makes me feel comfortable - but it does help me stay vigilant because it helps keep me awake. When I was still working I was chronically exhausted, so I needed the caffeine to function. Plus I drank so much that I was super bitchy before I got my am coffee. Everyone knew not to approach me :laugh:

I think it goes up there with the adrenaline junkie mentality also. I have to get my heart rate up to feel alive because my baseline stress level is so high to begin with.

 

[NaeNae75]

I know K drinks energy drinks like they're going out of style. They're SO BAD for you too! His T and his doctor have warned him multiple times to stop drinking them. They're an addiction. He drinks them to stay alert and what not, then can't sleep at night so he's tired again the next day...wash, rinse, repeat.

They're completely terrible for you. If consumed in high amounts, they cause a lot of problems with kidneys, dehydration, and can be deadly. I wish he would back down from them, but it's one of the addictions he's not ready to give up yet. He's cut WAY back on drinking, he doesn't do any type of illicit/illegal "drugs" (his job would be in jeopardy) I don't think he's as involved in porn stuff as he was years ago...(in fact, I think this department as just about shut down completely)(TMI). But he does smoke, is a work - a -holic, and drinks copious amounts of energy drinks.

Of course, I don't say anything about it anymore. There's not a whole lot of healthy going on with him lately...but there's not a darn thing I can do about it, but love him as he is. I make an occasional suggestion, but otherwise just try to lead by example. I have started a healthier lifestyle for myself, and sometimes it intrigues him. He's interested in seeing how things work for me first, and sometimes he chooses to do the same.

I see you worry a LOT about what he's doing. Your intentions are good, but I think you may be driving yourself mad trying to control it all. The reality is, all that's going to do is cause a rift. Worry is just going to make you anxious and ill yourself. I've soooooo been there. I'm not saying give up on everything, you can make suggestions, but he's not a child and has free will. I feel so much empathy for where you're at right now.

 

[Freida]

But he does smoke, is a work - a -holic, and drinks copious amounts of energy drinks.

yep. well, I don't smoke but coffee and work were my addictions. I also had a lot of diet coke in there (like couple 6 packs a day) until a doctor told me it was leaching calcium from my bones and would probably cause bone loss if I kept it up. THAT scared me -- into switching to more coffee.

I have started a healthier lifestyle for myself, and sometimes it intrigues him. He's interested in seeing how things work for me first, and sometimes he chooses to do the same.

Yep. Cant make me change - but can intrigue me into thinking about it

Your intentions are good, but I think you may be driving yourself mad trying to control it all

yep. Cant change someone who refuse to acknowledge there is a problem in the first place.

The reality is, all that's going to do is cause a rift

Yep. To be honest when I was in that place it was damned annoying when people tried to blah blah blah we're worried about you..blah blah into changing. My thoughts? It's my life - I'll live it as I want because (wait for it...:laugh: ) you can't possibly understand!
I fought with family, doctors, hubby, friends etc etc etc when they tried to get me to see what was happening to me. For. Years.
Then it all started to fall apart and things got pretty damn scary.

I guess my thoughts are that you can't change where he is at right now - -you may have to just let him crash and then offer to be part of his life when he starts the recovery process. I know that's not the answer you want and hopefully he doesn't fall as far as some of us do. But until he is ready to admit there is a problem there's not much you can do. :hug:

 

[Never_falter2]

But he does I see you worry a LOT about what he's doing. Your intentions are good, but I think you may be driving yourself mad trying to control it all. The reality is, all that's going to do is cause a rift. Worry is just going to make you anxious and ill yourself. I've soooooo been there. I'm not saying give up on everything, you can make suggestions, but he's not a child and has free will. I feel so much empathy for where you're at right now.

I have done some research about the energy drinks he drinks. [deleted the names, do not want trouble with the company, one never knows]... and actually those both seem to not very healthful. It seems the UK children have been banned from buying [deleted the names] Government to ban energy drink sales to children in England ... and it seems that in Germany the big cans have been withdrawn from the market (not sure why, maybe it had nothing to do with health, but it might have). I have read some people on internet boards say that the one he drinks very much will soon not been available on the European market anymore. Again I am not sure if it has anything to do with health and if it is even true.

To be honest I am not sure if he has much free will in his food choices because actually he WANTS to eat healthy and is disgusted by the fact he isn’t and beats himself up for it.