OK. I took some xanex, did some yoga, closed myself in the house, and printed out train and plane tickets for the upcoming trips to force myself to not book another one. It's taken a couple days, but I'm back to being able to feel somewhat more grounded. And I have counseling today so that should be fun.
I'm both embarrassed and proud of myself for sharing. Embarrassed because, as most people with PTSD, losing control is not just sucky but it can be dangerous to me and others. Not necessarily physically dangerous, but emotionally. Plus my particular issues involve showing emotions equaling death, so being able to hide is critical if I can't get myself under control
Hubby came in the door, looked at me, and wandered off. He's well trained.
I'm still a bit bitchy -so bear with me
They don't seem like dreams either. I am still seeing them and living them sometimes for a minute or two after I wake!
yep - they never stop. never. Only the volume changes. thats the hardest thing to get normies to understand
I think letting this fact of life sink in for good would help him immensely, not only in terms of dealing with his triggers and the people in his life, but his beliefs and internalized narratives about his initial trauma as well
Oh...thats cute. No shit sherlock. Honestly I don't know if I'm insulted or amused.
It has a mind of its own too! It feels all sorts of things.
Yep .... I'm still having physical reactions. Right now there is someone grabbing my foot. yes - I know I'm alone on my couch, in my house, typeing on my computer. But I also know someone has a hold of my foot and if I don't get away I'm going to die. I can feel it. fingers/hand/pulling, panic. It is so frustrating!
This is actually an issue that terrifies me. We want to live together but I don't want to take away his safe spot and give him the urge to run.
Have you thought about a man cave outside? Like one of those outdoor sheds they turn into media rooms? If its off limits to everyone but him, and if he has to leave the house to get there, it might count as running away. I'm to the point where I can be in the same room with hubby as long as he doesn't acknowledge I'm there or try to interact with me but the idea of a place of my own to run to sounds fabulous right now.
WTF do they know? Telling me I’m normal, what I experience is normal, blah, blah, blah,
LOL _ i had that argument with my T. She went back and corrected herself -- she meant I was "normal" for someone with PTSD. As in my reactions are normal based on my experiences and diagnosis
@Never_falter yep,yep and yep. here's how my ptsd guru told me to explain it to the "normies". Imagine you are walking thru a beautiful garden. You see flowers, and trees, and grass and swing sets. I see dark spots and shadows where someone could be hiding waiting to jump out and attack me. I see weapons I can use if that happens - swings, tree branches, prickly bushes to throw the bad guy into. I see hiding spots -- will hubby and I fit in that corner under those bushes? Can I shove my nephew up that tree? how far away is the car? Where is the nearest shelter? I scan constantly trying to keep my threat assessment under control. If I'm with hubby its a little easier but if I'm with my sisters I'm on total "assess!!" mode
I don't have the ocd germ thing - but I get why he would.
Hubby and bestie are my touchstones for crazy. I was going off about having to move to Canada because of the Korea stuff recently and he looked at me and said --- "yea, you are forgetting your thought processes are broken. This is not that dangerous." It's sometimes hard to understand why he doesn't "see" it, but I trust his threat assessment enough to believe him. Most of the time. the last few days? Nope. And I know how insulted he gets because of that. I'm doubting both his judgement and his ability to protect me. And I think that is really tough on guys. I don't care -- but I at least get it so that's progress.
