What Are You Feeling Today? Not Thinking, Rather Feeling! Can You Identify Yours?

[99Phoenix99]

I'm freaking out. I'm going to be in the hospital for a procedure and everything is coming at me at once.

I can't stop all the memories from flooding back. All of the pain that I've had to endure, the years of being treated as a patient not a person, all of the needles, the smells of antiseptics, being held down to gurneys.

My procedure is at 9am ... It's 1 am now... I don't think I'm going to be able to sleep.

I'm really scared.

 

[Abstract]

I'm really scared.

I am so sorry Phoenix. It sounds horrible. Sending you support and strength and grounding.

 

[99Phoenix99]

Sending you support and strength and grounding.

I really appreciate it Abstract. I'm really having a hard time right now. I thought with all of my therapy and being online talking about all of this would have helped to lessen these feelings bit nothing seems to have changed....

If I'm this bad now at home I'm really worried about how I'll be in the hospital surrounded by all of those triggers.

 

[GreenFrog2]

Dying inside - I have just been advised that I do not meet the guidelines for pro-bono legal representation. So there goes any chance of compensation. I really am stuffed - that was the one thing that was keeping me going, that I had some hope of justice. Now I have no hope, almost no job, no money, no friends to comfort me, a wierd family all trying to reconnect with each other.

f*ck I CANT COPE WITH THIS ANYMORE.

 

[ms spock]

You have been having a hard time of it for awhile now GreenFrog2. I hope a break comes your way soon.

I had a nap for an hour. I was so tired. I think I might have walked in the sun too much. I am not sure.

 

[Charmedone]

Guilt, heart wrenching sadness and fear that's different to how fear has felt before :(

 

[CraftyCath]

I had one of those funny moments today when I got this wave of joy wash over me.

I was driving home from doing the family shop and it started to snow. I was lovely and warm in my car and the snow was just gently hitting the windscreen as the car moved through it. The roads were quiet and I felt so safe and peaceful.

 

[amethist]

Keep that in your memory bank Cath. For the days that are not so good.

 

[Britt.f7]

I actually woke up not dreading the day. This is a positive step. I've been feeling horrible ever since I realized my aunt had cut off contact with me, blaming myself, etc. But, now, I believe it has less to do with me actually then her. Maybe it is a way to make myself feel better, I don't know. I do know I have to work on letting it go because I can't change how another is. I'm sad, but not as overwhelmed by it as before. Mostly because of the support I've had on here, and in my life outside the internet. Even her daughter is supporting me.

 

[safenow]

I'm really scared.

I don't know what time it is there, but we are keeping you in our thoughts and prayers, Phoenix. Pocket rider here.

 

[safenow]

Guilt, heart wrenching sadness and fear that's different to how fear has felt before

The first time is always the hardest. Try to forgive yourself for whatever is causing that guilt. It was probably something from a time you were doing the best you could under horrible circumstances.

Here is an affirmation for you: I know that the more I can acknowledge and accept what I feel, without criticism or blame, the more I allow myself to heal. Taken from the book,"Invisible Heroes: Survivors of Trauma and How They Heal." by Belleruth Naparstek.

Safe hugs, if you allow them.

 

[Nighthawk]

Severely depressed.

In need of answers.