Torn and elated, waiting for the floor to crash(or is it the ceiling?). My dad has started, in the last year to tell us kids how much he loves and appreciates us and when he is thinking of us. Didn't feel it growing up. Always felt that I had to be what he deemed perfect, since he has always been a perfectionist. On one hand I feel happy, on the other I'm waiting for him to go back to his old ways of being judgmental, etc. I feel bad for saying that but it is the truth and I can be open here.
On a good note, I spoke to a great friend last night, albeit by instant messaging. Still haven't been able to handle phone calls( a year of this - don't understand it but working on it). She has been very supportive through all of this. Last night she told me she loved me and that she couldn't imagine her life without me in it. We've been friends since our kids met in kindergarten.
I'm trying to absorb these positive feelings directed toward me. I keep trying to tell myself that I deserve it and that I'm not such a bad person. I believe both my dad and her mean what they are saying. I just have to allow myself to accept it.