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What Are You Feeling Today? Not Thinking, Rather Feeling! Can You Identify Yours?

Today, I drove 4 hours to stay for a few days to be with my husband's uncle who is in intensive care after falling and not being found for 3 days. It got me out of myself and my own personal pity party to be there for him. I felt happy that a lot of the very wounded people he helped for so long in his life have gotten the word out through the grapevine and are finding ways to come and visit him (he started an alternative support program 25 years ago for people who had fallen through the cracks of the mental health system). It was good to talk to people who, despite being so down and out in so many ways (one woman lives in her car) are trying to support him now that he is in so much need. I'm sad and conflicted that he is so depressed that he can't feel their (or my) love and care, and keeps asking for help to kill himself.
 
Feeling a bit dumb right now. I didn't understand the meaning of a word and took it in a way it may not have been intended. I feel so confused and afraid that my I.Q has dropped significantly. I feel a bit embarrassed and unsure. Can't take any more brain scrambling.

I feel like I've been reactive this week, emotionally, and it's making me look stupid. I don't trust what people are saying and having trouble seeing the reality of things. Wanting to be honest about whether I'm wrong or not, but not with people who just want to belittle me and put me down.

I feel good from doing the 5 tibetan rites this morning when I woke up, and meditating...just frazzled mentally and hungry now.
 
Feeling much better now that I'm home, and have had some damiana tea and listening to some koan, which has been uplifting. Prior to that I was very irritable, easily annoyed by everything and grumpy and down all day. Things didn't really go smoothly today but I got what I needed to do done. Grateful to a friend for encouraging me to fantasize about happy things earlier, and disappointed that my other friend, who said he would come over and cuddle me and bake with me, changed his mind and went to someone elses house instead. I had my hopes up for a hug and cuddle, and now I have to wait longer. I'm so in need of being held it's ridiculous. I need to be held and comforted. I feel so raw and still so vulnerable, and easily reactive this week.
 

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