I am going to write here then cut myself off. Since it seems to be affecting my concentration, even if I ignore acknowledging it.
Idk, but:
-very grateful for opportunity to study, very nervous it's required being visible; very thankful for help to do that; very ungrateful and depressed it is a field I would leave if I could, so I feel further deep in what I wouldn't choose.
-Probably F.E.A.R., big time
-no confidence in myself
-surprised friend accepted my 'craziness'. Thankful not to lie. Self-rejection is my specialty, so did not expect it. Surprised, but thankful, in so far as, feel more trust. Or acceptance being 'crazy'-?.
-selfish
-that there is something inherently wrong with sitting on one's as* this long, even if it is to study. It's not good for physical health, I think (feel not good)
-Thankful, despite ingratitude above.
-wish I had more depth. Or just was different than who I am ( :alien: )
-I feel hopeless.
-ETA glad to hear honking geese (through the closed window), wow they are loud. But distract my sad thoughts.
-Hug if ok
@shatter eyes . :hug: