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What Are You Feeling Today? Not Thinking, Rather Feeling! Can You Identify Yours?

I am apprehensive. It is going to be a busy week. I'm out 4 out of 5 nights (3 council meetings and a theatre trip), I am seeing the nurse tomorrow for yucky girlie tests, then I'm having a fasting blood test on Wed morning. Plus a couple of other appointments.

I hope I can do it all. Also H is away tomorrow night. I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed by it all. I suppose I must take it one day at a time.
 
(((((((((((KP)))))))) thoughts are with you!

I feel a bit more grounded today, it's been a rocky week or so but I feel like I'm getting over this last hurdle. Wow, this sh*t can suck! Even as I say that my head is screaming :x3:...I'll see how the tdoc goes this morning. I have a ton a stuff to deal with this week, pacing myself because overload just will do me into paralysis.
 
Today I'm supposed to actually do things out ide the home, by myself for the first time in 10 days.

I feel reluctant.
I feel procrastination.
I feel mild apprehension.
I feel like I'm in a cozy little bubble.
I feel like I wish I would have left home when my husband left for work (but he left at 6 am... way too early for anything I need to do)
I feel like I can turn it around by stopping by my chiropractor's office and using the massage chair.
I feel like the reward today will be to get a pedicure and then do my own facial this afternoon.

(I feel like I'm coping out because the last two are actually thinking not feelings)
 
Confused. I'm currently confused about numerous things. I'm not even sure of one thing in my life at the moment.

It's currently 12:10am at night/morning here. I'm tired, but not tired enough to let myself sleep yet and I'm also in a nice amount of physical pain as I have been renovating rooms and building furniture all day. My arms feel like dead weights at the moment.

All up, emotionally I feel okay.
 
High anxiety and alone in a world full of people. Trying to draw myself inward instead of letting my emotions spill all over the place. Hard for me to do. I feel afraid, frustration, some anger, a lot of sadness, and I feel helpless and worthless to some degree. Today should be filled with hope and excitement. Trying to find those feelings in amongst the others. Feel like I need a hug but don't deserve one. UHG.....too many feelings. Got to remember to breath and just go with the flow today and stay present.
 
Today I feel miserable. I can't believe my mentor was so rude to me, I'm upset that she couldn't accept what I was telling her, or even pretend to accept.

I'm exhausted from getting phone calls from members of my family about the funeral on Friday. I'm now considered "old" enough to deal with their s*** but there's only so far I can prop up my aunts, mum and sister (who is consider "too young"), I feel I'm pushing myself further under the water to hold them above me able to breathe. But although they think I'm old enough to see them grieving, they won't tell me the whole story of why they're dreading the funeral.

"There's a back-story, a history that you aren't aware of. I can't face them all, but you can't know what happened, but it's going to be a long day and I need to you talk to everyone because I can't, I can't talk to any of the extended family because there's a history that you don't know, so you must hold this side of the family up, smile, talk to them all, tell them who you are and your memories, and explain that we're grieving, that it's too hard for us to be at the wake." Okay, fine, there's history, alright I can deal with that, and you may not want to talk to the cousins, that's fine, but why make me? I don't care that you can't tell me, just stop telling me you can't tell me anything, it's very annoying!

I'm worried that I'm not curious about this history, it's not a good sign for me. I'm usually obsessed with the family history, with hearing about it and researching further back than living memory. But the fact that I'm just sick of hearing about this ... controversy, that I'm not bugging them to find out what it is, I'm not curious at all, worries me. I think I'm not doing as well as I thought I was. C***.
 
I was fine, I was OK. I'd taken a gentleman to hospital, he was staying in, so on the way home I was on my own.

Out of the blue I had a sudden memory of a huge argument I had with my daughter, I said some hurtful things. It happened about 5 years ago, and our relationship is good again. BUT what if she still thinks about it, it just came at me and upset me so much, what if I have emotionally damaged her. Am I a bad parent, yesterday I would have said no, but now I don't know. No, I am a good Mum, oh just so confused now.
 
High anxiety and alone in a world full of people. Trying to draw myself inward instead of letting my emotions spill all over the place. UHG.....too many feelings. Got to remember to breath and just go with the flow today and stay present.
(((embracing and calming and comforting you PH)))

I am right with you on all of the above. Being in an isolated glass-enclosed ICU room, I see people interacting and talking, but I am not apart of any of it. They talk but I can't hear them. They exchange greeting hugs/hand shakes but I can't feel them. And they smile but I can't see it. I want someone to just sit with me, engage with me.

I too was trying to keep a lid on things, by letting a feeling out here and there, because I know that silence is lethal for me. And I felt afraid that i was leaning too hard on a friend, being unfair to them and terrified that they would regret having met me. But releasing it into the air, so to speak, has been backfiring. I guess that's what happens when releasing just isn't enough for the the volume of emotions being felt. But turning inward isnt the answer either.

I am trying to breathe as you are and to take one moment at a time until the tide turns or I come up with another plan.

Anyhow, I completely agree with "UGH...too many feelings" for one weakened body and mind. So much frustration in UGH! Or if we look at it another way, is it just a mixed up plea for a HUG? UGH is a scrambled HUG you give to yourself until someone like me reads your pain and extends their arms to you.

You DO deserve to be hugged and so much more.

Hang in there,
Alex
 
I feel like I am in a dark hole, 30 feet into the earth. I am clawing at the edges trying to dig my way out, and I bury myself further into darkness.... Today is not a good day.
 

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