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What Are You Feeling Today? Not Thinking, Rather Feeling! Can You Identify Yours?

Vacant, nothing, semi-not here, guarded, guilty, shamed, disconnected, threatened, puzzled, it reminds me of a moment when I dissociated in the T's office and it seemed as if my body was separated at the waist, I could see my legs but they didn't seem to be connected. An interesting phenomena, I have to wonder why I dissociated so much, during therapy, it always took a few days to recover, (if I ever did).

I slept all night and I wonder why, why did I sleep through the night, and I wonder what makes it possible once in a while but not normal.
 
I am feeling nervous. I get to drive today, and have been recovering from a driving phobia, and I have my first session of emdr. I have to go for prescriptions after that. I will be driving on the freeway. I wish I was'nt feeling nervous. I will check in again here after I get back. I hope I will be feeling good.
 
((((Hugs to everyone))))

I'm feeling small and fragile and slightly disconnected from everything. Wish T or my tutor would email, although I feel bad for wanting them to. They have their own lives and I don't feel important enough for them to bother.

But this afternoon with Dec was nice, guess I feel all mixed up. Not quite happy, anxious, but not really unhappy either. :confused:
 
I feel great, I bought myself something in excess $, because I wanted the best, and I didn't want to buy a piece of junk, the cheap version - because I should... That wouldn't work properly, and could cause damage, if it didn't work properly or could break and cause severe problems in the long run, if it malfunctioned.

And because I deserve the best, and I just received it.

Yea, I have broken free of not being allowed, because of not being worth it. Wow, am I a happy camper, I am on the right track... at this moment in time...
 
Super anxious. I slept ok, but had a horrible nightmare. I dreamt that my father was molesting me. This has never ever come up before. I can't imagine my father doing that - so I don't know what's real or what's not. I don't know if that dream is a manifistation of something else. I don't remember much about my childhood and I can't remember anything before the age of 5. There are just complete holes. My sister's don't remember their childhoods either. Weird. Anyway - not a great day. I also sent my husband another note telling him to just leave me alone. Who knows if he'll listen - but he makes me worse not better and I can't seem to get him to just shut up. :eek:
 
Bubba, I have big gaps in my childhood also, when I discovered it I was very upset, now I just know it, if it comes back ok, if not, ok. I have also had nightmares about my father, but I can't believe he had anything to do with the cause of those nightmares. My T disagreed with me, and I still don't believe it was dad, gradually, and later I came up with an uncle, that stuff was believable and truer, then more stuff came up about the uncle.

I think that dad represented the monster because in my memory it was safer - in my child's mind, it was the only way I could let it come up. I wouldn't have allowed it if it had been the real story. I think it is some way of allowing a memory in, in small bursts, something handleable, but not necessarily the whole truth.
 

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