I am feeling completely annihilated after a phone call yesterday. He insulted me with so much hate and violence, unbecoming language, accusing me of terrible things.
I just froze and listened... trying, even wanting to understand. I should not have done this. At the end I cried. He broke me again... and he started to laugh saying: Like this you are lovable, like this I want you, small und humble, not dominating the conversation (me staying calm).
Impossible to get out of my head these accusations. Fear, because he is very influet and not very discrete. He already destroyed some of my friendships and spreads his oppinion about me in circles we belonged. I feel so lonly and helpless. I can't sleep, I can't eat. Just crawling in my bed, cry and hide out, hoping to awake from this nightmare.