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What Are You Feeling Today? Not Thinking, Rather Feeling! Can You Identify Yours?

Drained....very drained, cried for the very first time since the day they stole my sense of self, my ability to smile just because, my love of going for a walk, my ability to leave my house without to burden of terror, the day before meds. I miss the days that I could bathe and feel clean, say good morning to a stranger, believe in a bright future. I hate that days are filled with the struggle to want to be alive.
 
Since far too great of stress and too high of various expectations is chiefly what is playing into making me so very ill, I will redouble my efforts to continue to see what I can do to eliminate some of it.

Since it is morning and I have woken up late, I feel rested. The lower back on both sides ache, but the upper half is being kind, feels far lighter and somewhat loose, no pressure or pain in my head and I start this day new.

I mustn't just up and forget yesterday's experience and today I'll try again to see to it that I secure certain further professional care and management, as I cannot just relive such long days of panic and anxiety without any relief or hope.

Besides somewhat sore, I feel wishful this morning. Generally, I do and can believe in myself, just not in all aspects and especially when I am overwhelmed.
 
I'm concerned. The ER gave me pain killers for the ovarian cyst as well as an anxiety med. I know if I didn't have the anxiety pills I'd be freaking out. This is the first te I've ever been on an anxiety med or mood altering med. I have 10 days worth. I'm ok now... But when I run out? I'm really scared how I'll be, especially because surgery is being thrown out as a possibility
 
((((((((Monster, Trembling, Spiderallis))))))))

I feel much better today. My lads didn't speak to me yesterday nor I to them but I spent the whole day away from the house today and they were so helpful when I got home. I think they know how much they hurt me - i felt like they had taken my heart and rung it out.

I still feel tired and queasy and I forgot some of the stuff I needed to buy from the shops but I managed it. I even drove there and back through freezing fog.

Thanks to everyone for the support. x
 
I'm very grateful for this site and everyone here. I've never accepted or wanted help from others before ... But now that I'm in a tight spot again I'm seeing for the first time how nice it is to rely on others. To accept their kindness. It's overwhelming. And I actually feel CONNECTED right now.

Thank you CraftyCath I'll definitely take your advice
 

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