What Are You Feeling Today? Not Thinking, Rather Feeling! Can You Identify Yours?

[pumpkinpie]

I had been doing great; I had another good night of sleep, thanks to the melatonin (this is unheard of for me!)...but then I had a bad experience and a minor meltdown this afternoon at PT.

I've been going to this place for 6 months, and prior to that, had gone to their other location for an entire year. I am so tired of it, but I don't whine or complain there or act in any other unpleasant way (unlike some of their more demanding patients). I have canceled many many appointments but never any no-shows. When I'm there, none of them have to do anything at all for me - and they don't. It's helpful but rare if the therapist works directly with me, but I notice he and the assistants are always busy doing very hands-on things with everyone - except me. I'm on autopilot there.

Today I thought my appointment was at 4:30, but at 4:00, the male assistant called and said it was at 3:30, was I coming? I said I'd be right over if they had enough time for me, and he said to come in.

So I got there and adjusted the computerized bike I'm supposed to use; there was another one empty for about 10 more minutes. I wasn't on the bike more than 5 minutes when the female assistant came over, looked at the screen on the bike and muttered something like, "Oh. You've been on for 5 min". I asked why and she said "Oh, no reason at all", and moved away.

 

[pumpkinpie]

Sorry...technical difficulties here...

I continued for the 10 minutes I'm supposed to do. The female assistant was still kind of hanging around and I told her that I was going to increase the difficulty way up and go slow, for the strengthening part of therapy today, instead of using this other machine because I hurt my knee on it the last time there. And she got a little funny and said I could still use that machine, and I said that I had hurt my knee on it yet another time, and if OK, I'd just use the bike. She never said someone else needed it - but even if so, why would I be asked to get off when it was just for another 5 minutes.

Next thing I know, the male assistant who had called me, came over to me and said, "Come on, _______, you need to get off now". I was so surprised and humiliated I didn't know what to say. I just got my purse and left. I felt like they had called a bouncer to "handle" me. I started crying and trying so hard not to get upset, telling myself that I had every right to be upset - because that's what gets me the MOST upset - having no backup, no one on my side, and that I deserved that kind of treatment.

Before coming on this site, I had never heard of "grounding" techniques. But I started then to look and listen and feel and smell...anything to make me not continue to cry and become immobilized. And it did help. Amazingly, although I cried a little on the way home, I stopped soon and didn't start up again. I'm still upset and angry at them for treating me, a 52 year old woman, like a pesky kid. But instead of wanting to wreck my car driving home, and instead of taking some kind of pill or drinking, I'm going to do something that won't hurt me. I'm going to go someplace else for PT, and if they ask me, I'll say I need a BETTER place for PT. I needed a change of scenery anyways.

 

[goingonhope]

Discouraged.

 

[LaurieJ]

Gizmo,
You know I've been there at that same point too and yes we are only human. Please don't dwell on it and try and move on to a new day, a better one perhaps with a fixed ice maker. Many hugs are being sent your way.
Laurie

 

[shoulderblades]

Feeling nauseous. I think it's partly anxiety (I seem to be in a constant state of anxiety these days), but it's also due to whatever stomach bug I've got here. Spent the day puking in the toilet and sleeping on the kitchen floor in the air conditioned cool. Ugh, what a revolting day.

 

[intothelight]

(((Gizmo))) (((Hope))) (((Shoulderblades)))

Feeling good again today and it has been almost an entire week without any PTSD symptoms disrupting my life. No sleepless nights, no anxiety, no negative thinking etc. and I plan to keep being proactive in keeping the symptoms at bay. Looking forward to meeting with the admissions staff with my daughter today. I am proud of her for deciding on a career path.

 

[CraftyCath]

I feel much better today and am looking forward to spring.

I'm making cards today so I feel relaxed.

Ford Fiesta

Love it! ;)

 

[ms spock]

I am feeling okay.

 

[BlackbirdSinging]

Sick. I've got a cold that moved into my chest and its triggering my asthma. I'm also confused. And I feel so tired physically and mentally and emotionally. Can't I take sick days off from PTSD? I don't have the strength to fight both right now.

 

[pumpkinpie]

Ugh, what a revolting day.

Hope you have a much better, less anxious day today. (((Shoulderblades)))

Pumpkinpie

 

[Changing4Best]

Over-burdened with life's problems and physical illnesses. Troubles with friends and neighbors, uncertain diagnoses, family not having returned my calls when noramally they would have by now... it all adds up to anxiety PLUS! I had trouble getting to sleep last night, had to take an extra tranquilizer. These are prescribed for just that kind of scenario, but still, I hate to take them! I need another one now, but am not taking it. Too much is too much. So I bear all kinds of pain... and grief too. Grief for what could have been but isn't. And never will be. I feel so ALL ALONE. Tears...

 

[KP the nut]

I'm feeling very excited, scared and slightly sick and it is all my own doing.

I have been wanting an electric bicycle for ages. One that can be pedal power, battery assisted (mixing pedal and battery) or full battery (no need to pedal). They are quite expensive and it is many, many, many years since I have riden a bike. I have been looking around and found one I like. It was difficult to find one to fit me as I'm just over 5ft.

Anyway, I have ordered it and it will be delivered on Thursday.

I'm really stressing that I have done the right thing and that I can ride the thing.