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What Are You Feeling Today? Not Thinking, Rather Feeling! Can You Identify Yours?

I am upset, angry and shaken.:cry:

My son's had one of those big arguments that they so enjoy over the fact that the water is brown at the moment. I said it was probably the hot weather and there is nothing we can do about it. Eldest pipes up that it would be OK if we had a shower (which we can't afford) and the youngest argues that the water would still be dirty.

Then my youngest said that my eldest always has a go at me about not having a shower which isn't my fault and then it all just escalated until they had a punch up. When they had stopped punching each other I told my eldest he was not going to Skipton tomorrow, which was to be a treat for him and then I went to my room.

They are 23 and 20. Do they ever grow up? Will they ever take my PTSD into consideration? I doubt it.:(
 
Exhausted, sad, depressed, suicidal (rational part of me has woken up, so handling those thoughts). Physically sore. Hopeless? Maybe. A bit angry. I think I have a strong sense of shame at the moment too. Maybe some jealousy? And a whole endless well of guilt. Tapping into these emotions, naming them and knowing how they've appeared is difficult; maybe I'm more used to ignoring them or completely giving in to the depression (letting it take over).

Lack of sleep + Lack of food + Feeling like my friend died yesterday when in reality that was many years ago + No money + No inspiration on how to have fun + Hate the way I look + Overwhelming pressure from myself and perceiving that others are disappointed in me or I'm a complete drain to them (even though I ask for little from them) = A bad day.

Phew; that's hard to share but glad I have a place to. Healing vibes through the internet to all who want them :hug: I hope you can all be kind to yourselves on the worst days.
 
Motherf*ckin' drained. Had to spend 4½ hours in Centrelink today (social security office - the Australian equivalent of hell) because Centrelink, or Centrefail as I like to call it, stuffed up all of my payments. The anxiety I was feeling was through the roof. They had no water fountain to drink from, no vending machines to get a snack, no toilets, and the heating was cranked up to Let's Make It Literally Feel Like Fire And Brimstone.
 
I feel tired and insomniacal (is that a word?) :p I've been wrestling with psychological 'wounding'. I am struggling to focus on positive attributes, but think I am "too close to the forest to see the trees"!!!

My core fears were triggered the other day and I am still reeling from it. I feel hurt that I fell for the mind games that abuse perps played on me when I was younger. I wish I could go back in time, knowing what I know now, and befriend my child self. The psychological abuse I suffered in the past was cruel and vicious. I feel sad and angry!
 
Woke too early feeling empty and sad and a little angry and unmoored. My left leg hurt a lot. I worked on creative project which distracted me in a good way and made me tired enough to go back to sleep.

Woke feeling sad and empty again with a painful leg. Before meditation I wrote a list of what I was grateful for which included this forum and felt better. Meditation settled me down and I stopped feeling so empty and sad.

Kept working on creative project, which made me feel satisfied and almost content. Leg began to hurt much worse so I took salt bath and it went away.

Evening was nice watching To Rome With Love. Laughed a bit. Replanted plant cuttings and tied them up to post loosely with little pink ribbons. Felt joy for a little bit. Kept working on my project but now I am tired and apprehensive of going to bed. Then I have no distraction from how I am feeling. Arghh!

Will try to feel my body and name my feelings while I lay there. That makes me sleepy if I don't search for the reasons why, just feel the feelings instead.
 

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