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What Are You Feeling Today? Not Thinking, Rather Feeling! Can You Identify Yours?

Today I am confused on how I feel. I am trying to focus on the fact that yesterday turned out to be one of the better days I have had in a long time.

I think today probably causes a lot of issues with a lot of people. I know I hate holidays and try to ignore them the best I can. The woman who refused to acknowledge my abuse, insisting that her precious baby boy could never do anything like that, and never lets me how angry she is for making up "lies" about her perfect innocent boy who can do no wrong, (I am not bitter about that, I swear, lol) called today, but I am trying hard not to let it get me down.Trying to focus on what a good day yesterday was instead.
 
I'm annoyed. I get so frustrated that everyday it takes so much concentrated focused and deliberate effort to just have some kind of "normal" day. I hate that I can't just get up and start my day and go on with my day like everyone else. I get annoyed that I have to be mindful of every stupid thought and then I have to utilize my tools. Maintaining with PTSD takes so much effort. And maintaining PTSD takes so much effort. My dad just asked me if I'm ok. I said "I have PTSD it's never just good there's always something wrong". I didn't get enough sleep so one of my symptoms is bothering me and I'm too frustrated to try to figure out which one. I'm just so annoyed and frustrated and impatient. I hate PTSD.
 
I have a situation where I was greatly triggered and spiraling downwards. I was so hurt and angry.

But I refuse to allow this person back into my life and I feel pretty good about that.

I made the decision that I will not allow this toxic person who has no clue, her denial and pretending is who she is. Anyways I decided that I will not allow thoughts of her and the things she does and says steal my joy away from me.

I feel great today because I am trusting my gut instincts and will remove myself from the situation. I made a very healthy choice and I feel very proud of myself for acting on my best interests.
 
I feel very thankful a new client to begin today is not as they are too ill. It doesn't worry me as that is the condition of most of whom they usually assign me but I am thankful it's not today.

I realize I feel one step away from doing something rash, & yet not wanting or 'choosing' to, I don't know what I feel except to say is this how it feels one step before one breaks down, I don't know? Then I think maybe it is just (only) because it is the same earmarks with the situation with my sister: loved one seriously ill -> handwriting is on the wall -> act & pretend everything is all fine (just like what occurred 31 years ago & other times too, & I acted 'fine' then too but I did do rash things & I did fall apart. It's like I'm not in control of my own 'self'.). But if I don't act 'fine', then what? There are no other options I can see or know of than what I've always done because I don't know what, or how-else, I can do. :(

Not to mention it's her that needs the help, not me, she's the one going through it. :(
 

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