Totally stressed and down the rabbit hole again. We went to see two places today, for PB, the first one was lovely but the second one was SO depressing. It caused a lot of emotion within me, but I am not sure what emotion it is but it is a big one or a a combination.
I spoke up and whenever I speak up I have struggles. So I am feeling insecure.
I am not having suicidal ideation as a constant thing any more and that is such progress. I feel pleased with that.
I feel numb now. I can not comfort eat all day but when the night time comes - it is the family home thing and the constant abuse and so forth and I really struggle with that. But at least I know that now. I have worked for so long on the nightmares and the poor sleep - and I woke up this morning without having a panic attack or anxiety that means I am gasping for breath for hours. So I am feeling immensely grateful as well. I woke up without having nightmares. I woke up without panic attacks. It has taken decades to get here.