What Bad Shit Have You Done - Daily, As it Comes To You, Your Past, Lets Be Honest

[The Albatross]

For some reason, he didn't retaliate either time. I didn't know if I graduated his class of "monster making" or if I stopped him long enough to have a reality check and realize what he was doing.

 

[somethingswrong]

OK..... first let me say, I chased all of you over hell and back.....You should all go to jail....LOL
Let me tell you all a story that changed my attitude real early in my Law enforcement carrier. I use to have a very bad attitude when I was a young enforcement thug... You did it, now pay for it.... Well one night I was dispatched to a Child Sexual assault incident.... Grandfather sexually abusing 3 year old grand daughter....It was my job to secure the scene collect all the physical evidence and then transport ****** Grandpa to jail...On the way there Grandpa decides to start in on me... you know typical stuff calling me all sorts of names no big deal, I knew he was trying to get at me, what he did not realize was being a victim of sexual abuse he was already on THIN ICE with an armed VICTIM, at the time i did not know how much I was actually affected by my past, put at this moment it was hitting me hard... Going to jail meant traveling through a rural part of my county about 45 minutes... Well he did it... Mentioned to me that when he got out he would find my family and do the same............I pulled over, turned off all my communication equipment turned off the car and just sat there....you all know what I was thinking...and I voiced it to him... I stated I think I am about to have an attempted prisoner escape.. Than said nothing for about 10 minutes my hands where gripping the wheel, they had turned white, It was not a good moment for me, than something quite strange happened, a voice inside my head just started shouting at me, saying who the *@ck do you think you are, do you know this man story, what happened to him....what gives you the right to pass out your judgement...and then my cell phone rang and it was my wife, wanting to know when I was coming home and if I would be home on time.....

I then, swallowed hard apologized to the man, and stated that I did not know why you have done what you have done, but you know you are wrong and you will have to live with that your whole entire life.

I realized at that moment that all of us hang on a slim balance beam, and at anytime, given the right circumstance the most honorable man/women can fall off this beam...thread.

Not one of us is perfect, but those of you/us that have started off life having that thread ripped away and and have been able to grab a hold of something and hold on have more of my respect than those "Normal" individuals who think they are decent law abiding citizens. You people are REAL SURVIVORS,

I know that story is not a big confession, Someday I will be as brave and share more

 

[Tinyflame]

Dear somethingswrong, you sound like a terrific police officer and you are a wonderful, kind, compassionate and precious soul. :)

 

[Philippa]

Yes, that must have taken some self-control to stop yourself from pulping him, and even more to not judge him. Is that the Scottish emblem of a lion as your avatar btw?

 

[somethingswrong]

Philippa,
That is a Griffin,

They guard with savage strength and ferocity, in ancient times they were symbols of guardianship, protection and the retribution of justice,

The griffin's more likeable qualities include nobility, gentleness, and justice. Depicted on ancient stone tombs, griffins are the guardians and protectors of life, and remain loyal in their protection even in the afterlife. Griffins count nobility, vigilance, virtue and strength among their many positive attributes.

 

[somethingswrong]

I don't know how much self control there was but, I really believe that being a victim had given me the ability to have more empathy to people going through the ringer. In this case as in most that I have seen, there was a long family history of abuse. Victim to Molester,

 

[Tinyflame]

I 'like' how 'Griffins' are 'gentle', too, then. ;) :)

 

[somethingswrong]

Gentle, ya I guess so, I would like to thing of myself as the mean ol'e junk yard dog. But my kids have affectionately gave me the nick name of "Lotso", after the Teddy Bear on Toy Story 3, Most of the Time I am a big teddy bear, but than I have those moments that I am not so nice, the Lotso inside me comes out. My youngest daughter (7) will say oh no Lotso is hear. and than say Dad you need a hug, that usually calms me back down and helps me take a time out, and regroup

 

[Philippa]

Oh cool. I think the Griffin is the symbol on the Scottish flag...I just got it wrong about being a lion...or maybe I'm wrong about that too? Oh god, now I'm confused.:confused:

 

[Philippa]

Something I remembered today...I once called my ex boyfriend a hippopotamus while I was trying to roll him over in bed. He was deliberately sprawling to take up as much space as possible and putting all his weight down. He was kinda overweight though, and I really didn't mean to hurt him...it just kinda came out of my mouth, and I did mean it in a funny way...but he got offended. What is even worse is that in my head I was calling him a beached whale and thought that calling him Hippo would be less offensive.:oops:

 

[Philippa]

I just remembered this one this morning. Not proud at all of this one, but, when I was still a teen and with my boyfriend at the time, we'd go on holidays to his parents caravan down the coast with his friends, and get high a lot. One time there was a group of christians who were also holidaying in the park, and had a fair going with games etc. One of the games was to throw wet sponges at people who were poking their faces through holes on cardboard outcuts.

We decided to have some "fun" with them, and my boyfriend and his friends (I also participated) decided it would be funny to rub the sponges in mud and throw them at the people who volunteered to be the targets.

One of his friends also thought it was extremely funny to fill up one of those pump action water guns that look like machine guns with water and chillis, tobasco etc...and started aiming for their eyes. (for the record, I thought this was totally over the top and not at all funny, and felt terrible that I was even with them when they started attacking them all during a group meeting to read the bible.
Getting that stuff in your eye isn't funny at all, and it was really sadistic of them. It's funny the stupid stuff kids find funny sometimes. It was clearly very mean.

They were jackasses, and I participated, so I guess that made me one too.

 

[atl22]

This is one that I really feel guilty about.

I had a good friend that was 2 years older and he hung out with some shady older characters from our neighborhood. They robbed some house and my friend got caught. He did the worst thing possible: he ratted them out to the police. As soon as he was out of juvenile hall, one of the crew stabbed him over a dozen times. He didn't die, amazingly. The human body is tough!

His mother begged me to go visit him in the hospital almost every day and I told her that I would but I never did. He died in that hospital two weeks later. She was devastated beyond belief. She just could not understand how NONE of us visited him but we couldn't because we were ordered not to. The older kids on the block said he was a rat and anyone that visited a rat was a rat and would be killed just like he was. These were my friends! They told me that they would kill me so I didn't go. That simple.

When he died, we were also told that any person that spoke about him or even said his name would be stabbed to death. This happened because one of the leaders of the neighborhood saw a movie in which the names of Egyptian Pharaohs were literally scratched off the buildings if they fell out of favor or were overthrown. He liked the idea of destroying memory.

I was 12 years old, so I PUSHED that name out of my brain, not only because I did not want to be stabbed and die a miserable death, but I also did not want my memory to be erased. I do not have any idea what his name was and I knew him for years. This is a major goal of therapy: to remember the names of the dead that I pushed out of my brain. There are two.