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What Bad Shit Have You Done - Daily, As it Comes To You, Your Past, Lets Be Honest
- Post starter anthony
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SouthPsycho
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strayed myself from people in the office and even to my closest friends.
i can still remember what happened to me during my tender years - it haunts me eveyrnite
i can still remember what happened to me during my tender years - it haunts me eveyrnite
Forgetful
Gold Member
I wanted to take this one to the grave. The only person I've told is hubby and he keeps this one locked up too. He's never told anybody either. The thought of this greatly increases all of my PTSD symptoms and a whole slew of physical symptoms too (nausea, diarrhea, headaches etc). T last week asked what our topic be next week and I immediately got sick to my stomach and this flashed in my mind. I feel so sick and exhausted from it that I have been bedridden 5 days now.
I don't think I'll get any comments as its an old thread, even if I did I don't think they'll be nice ones. That's OK because I hate myself more than anyone else can. I believe this is what caused the majority of that hatred, so it has to come out so healing can begin.
Here goes (this is really hard):
When I was 12 or 13 I was raped twice by a classmate and then only 2 - 3 weeks later molested 3 times by a brother. Shortly after that I molested my baby brother (3 years old).
I do not know why I did it. It's so very f*cking hard to live with!! Now I just wanna get high to ease this pain but H locks his pain meds up so I can't get to them. I've stolen alot of them in the past but not in the last 6 months. Oh well, can't get high so I will curl up in bed and hope to die soon. Not SI, just wouldn't mind if it happened.:mask:
I don't think I'll get any comments as its an old thread, even if I did I don't think they'll be nice ones. That's OK because I hate myself more than anyone else can. I believe this is what caused the majority of that hatred, so it has to come out so healing can begin.
Here goes (this is really hard):
When I was 12 or 13 I was raped twice by a classmate and then only 2 - 3 weeks later molested 3 times by a brother. Shortly after that I molested my baby brother (3 years old).
I do not know why I did it. It's so very f*cking hard to live with!! Now I just wanna get high to ease this pain but H locks his pain meds up so I can't get to them. I've stolen alot of them in the past but not in the last 6 months. Oh well, can't get high so I will curl up in bed and hope to die soon. Not SI, just wouldn't mind if it happened.:mask:
Its interesting that you out this other woman for stealing, and using her child to do so, right after mentioning emptying water out of yours and your daughters cups so you can 'steal' soda.
Someone with a different perspective may see that in the same light as you view that lady in.
If I didn't have money for soda, id drink water rather than show my kids how to use dishonesty or theft to get something we don't really need.
Forgetful
Gold Member
My cousin and I were bored (and high - this a recurring pattern from age 15 - 49) late one night. We got his car and drove around town removing all For Sale signs from front lawns. We hid them in the woods behind my great aunt's property. We thought they were hidden well. We were wrong.
My uncle (policeman) found them and somehow figured out it was us. He gave us 24 hours to return them. We didn't take notes so we'd know where they'd belong so we "returned" them all to 1 front lawn. I bet the homeowner was shocked to not only find her house "up for sale" but was listed with many different real estate agents!! 120 signs all on her lawn.
My uncle (policeman) found them and somehow figured out it was us. He gave us 24 hours to return them. We didn't take notes so we'd know where they'd belong so we "returned" them all to 1 front lawn. I bet the homeowner was shocked to not only find her house "up for sale" but was listed with many different real estate agents!! 120 signs all on her lawn.
At 15, I commited the act I am most ashamed of.
With a group of friends drunk, and being larrikins as usual. I kicked a shop window and it broke.
We all scurried off and watched for half hour from bushes.
No police came?
So we decided to go in to the store
It was a charity run opportunity shop (smelly old second hand clothes) so there was nothing to take except some chocolates they were selling for girl guides or something.
So we took them.
And they tasted of moth balls.
Probably karma.
With a group of friends drunk, and being larrikins as usual. I kicked a shop window and it broke.
We all scurried off and watched for half hour from bushes.
No police came?
So we decided to go in to the store
It was a charity run opportunity shop (smelly old second hand clothes) so there was nothing to take except some chocolates they were selling for girl guides or something.
So we took them.
And they tasted of moth balls.
Probably karma.
Heather
Diamond Member
Well, I'm glad that you ARE perfect.
Neverthesame
Diamond Member
@Snafu That had to take an enormous amount of courage to admit too.
At 12, you're still a child. A child who has suffered a horrible abuse in both a place that is supposed to be safe for children to learn and grow, and in a place that should always be safe.
At that age, you should be worried about grades, or looking dorky, or getting rejected by the cute kid in class you want to go to the dance with. Not being raped.
How can a 12 year old kid, even comprehend such a thing?
Then to have it happen at home where you are supposed to be safe, by a brother?
Brothers are supposed to tease their sisters. Give them a hard time about all the girly stuff they do.
But at the end of the day, they are supposed to be the first person who you can call on to defend you. Your brother should have been the first in line to beat the ever loving shit out of the classmate that violated you. Not do the same thing.
That must have been so overwhelming to go through that. I can't even begin to imagine how that would make me feel, were I in your shoes.
I remember being 12, I remember how much I hated it. I had what would be referred to as a fairly normal childhood. Add to that, what you experienced? Nope. I can't even.
I don't think your bad. I think you were terrified, confused, hurt, desperate to remove yourself from the pain youwere are in. How do you do that?
Who could you tell? How do you tell? What do you do?
The adolescent brain, is still very much that of a small child. With a shit ton of adult hormones running through it, making everything go haywire. Dump all that horror and trauma into the mix, and watch it short out.
The other thing I want to add. After all these years, you still feel horrible about it. This is even more proof that you aren't a bad person. Nor were you one then. Just a child trying to cope with something so overwhelmingly terrible, no child could cope with it. Or should have ever had to.
At 12, you're still a child. A child who has suffered a horrible abuse in both a place that is supposed to be safe for children to learn and grow, and in a place that should always be safe.
At that age, you should be worried about grades, or looking dorky, or getting rejected by the cute kid in class you want to go to the dance with. Not being raped.
How can a 12 year old kid, even comprehend such a thing?
Then to have it happen at home where you are supposed to be safe, by a brother?
Brothers are supposed to tease their sisters. Give them a hard time about all the girly stuff they do.
But at the end of the day, they are supposed to be the first person who you can call on to defend you. Your brother should have been the first in line to beat the ever loving shit out of the classmate that violated you. Not do the same thing.
That must have been so overwhelming to go through that. I can't even begin to imagine how that would make me feel, were I in your shoes.
I remember being 12, I remember how much I hated it. I had what would be referred to as a fairly normal childhood. Add to that, what you experienced? Nope. I can't even.
I don't think your bad. I think you were terrified, confused, hurt, desperate to remove yourself from the pain you
Who could you tell? How do you tell? What do you do?
The adolescent brain, is still very much that of a small child. With a shit ton of adult hormones running through it, making everything go haywire. Dump all that horror and trauma into the mix, and watch it short out.
The other thing I want to add. After all these years, you still feel horrible about it. This is even more proof that you aren't a bad person. Nor were you one then. Just a child trying to cope with something so overwhelmingly terrible, no child could cope with it. Or should have ever had to.
EveHarrington
VIP Member
@Heather
It's not about perfection. It's about self accountability and taking responsibility for our own actions without raking others over the coals for their misdeeds which match our own.
I mean isn't that the point of this thread? To confess our own misdoings? It's like going to confession. The priest doesn't want to hear us complain about everyone else's sins. The purging and healing process comes when we are open about our own faults.
I don't understand why you are so harsh toward another for breaking the law and shoplifting in front of her child when you have done the same.
Instead of saying to Mary "hey, you're right, I stole in front of my daughter and that was wrong" you become very defensive and make it seem like nobody can question your actions because they aren't perfect either.
Those who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.
I'm really not trying to be rude but your posts and threads show a great lack of self accountability and self responsibility. People seem to genuinely want to help you (over and over) but if someone says something you don't agree with, you fly into defensive victim mode it seems. None of this behavior is conducive to healing.
I'm not attacking you, rather trying to get you to see how you're acting as your own worst enemy.
That is all, sorry for going off topic.
It's not about perfection. It's about self accountability and taking responsibility for our own actions without raking others over the coals for their misdeeds which match our own.
I mean isn't that the point of this thread? To confess our own misdoings? It's like going to confession. The priest doesn't want to hear us complain about everyone else's sins. The purging and healing process comes when we are open about our own faults.
I don't understand why you are so harsh toward another for breaking the law and shoplifting in front of her child when you have done the same.
Instead of saying to Mary "hey, you're right, I stole in front of my daughter and that was wrong" you become very defensive and make it seem like nobody can question your actions because they aren't perfect either.
Those who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.
I'm really not trying to be rude but your posts and threads show a great lack of self accountability and self responsibility. People seem to genuinely want to help you (over and over) but if someone says something you don't agree with, you fly into defensive victim mode it seems. None of this behavior is conducive to healing.
I'm not attacking you, rather trying to get you to see how you're acting as your own worst enemy.
That is all, sorry for going off topic.
Word.
Getting the perceived as bad acts out & modifying what of it weights us down & is problematic is kind of the point of this thread.
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