What Did You Lose In Your Life Because Of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder?

[anni]

I think I'm kind of lucky because I don't remember the person I used to be. I lost her, but do not quite think ofher as dead, I'm not sure. Maybe she never existed properly and this whoever-I-am is the Real Me, saggy warts and all.

I don't think in the end we should allow Them to take away all our naivete, depending on how one decribes this element to be. If it's a certain trust, and freshness of viewing the world then we'd be in some shell, bitter and harder than we should be in order to be able to absorb the softer, finer things life still has-that is life, really. It's a tough balance, but They cannot be allowed to have that part of us in the end, I don't think. Losing that- well, we lose an awful lot.

 

[Elphaba]

I lost faith the future. From being very engaged in my community, I no longer see the point of contributing to it as I feel it could all just be blown away in a matter of seconds if someone put their minds to it. I also lost friends (my own fault, really) and the confidence that thing can be fixed. I am not sure who I was, but I am not sure what I am now either. Stuck in fog somewhere.

 

[Froggie]

I find that all of what you all say is very pertinent, I thought that I was not doing things the right way and was really wondering what was wrong with me - I haven't been able to work full time since 2007, and I manage to do some 10-15 hours a week as a freelance worker. I haven't been able to let a man come near me since 2005 - it's sheer terror. This last summer I did meet someone, but it only works on a friendship basis. I used to be socially active, there was always people in and out of my place before. I've become a hermit - to protect myself and protect others because of my PTSD moods. I've got a good psychologist who really helped when I went downhill and came so damn close to suicide. My family doctor is an Angel on this Earth, she ramed down doors so I could get help from a psychiatrist ASAP. Finally got one. I'm not a fancy about meds, but ... oh gawddddd ... I'm in hell, and I want out ... so I accepte the meds BUT they all know that I will have my word to say ... if I don't feel well with them = discussions. I feel sorry for what my children, my grand-children and my close friends have gone through and are still going through.

I find that this PTSD forum was a great thing that happened to me. There are no support groups for people like me, only for soldiers.

I just try to find things to be grateful for things ... even for small things everyday ! It's one way that I feel happy to still be alive after almost giving up. An exemple : I've got the most super most mild type of menopause any woman would dream of ! :D I wasn't even sure I was having it until my Dr checked it out. I at least hope this might have brought a smile or a laugh for some

 

[lonetree]

Oh so right anni!!!
How can we feel that pure warm wonder of life without some naiveté. Without that why look forward to tomorrow. Life has good but the bad has a way of overshadowing it.

PS. I love the hat!!!!!

 

[Abrasky]

I lost my career, a promising one, I lost many relationships, including many people important to me. I think the biggest thing I lost was a lot of feelings and emotions that were part of my personality. I lost a sense of safety. PTSD for me was like a sensory deprivation tank which made me numb.
The good news is that after therapy, I slowly regained my relationships, I slowly regained my faith in my career, and I feel alot more these days.

 

[Iam]

Looking back, I have had PTSD for most of my life, if not all. So it's hard to say what I lost, I don't know cause I never had it to begin with. I know I lost a sense of self, safety and can't ever remember not feeling different. If I go back and read my trauma diary it's evident that I couldn't have developed like normal kids. That is truth, that is fact that I live with.

I guess for me to answer this I can look at my breakdown 9 years ago. I lost any sense of self worth. It was tragic because I had worked so hard to become the person I wanted to be. I lost the ability to feel. I had told myself that I would NEVER hurt again like that. Unfortunately it meant that I couldn't feel joy anymore too, just numb. More recently I lost the comfort I felt being around people. I used to be very social and active.

So, where does that leave me? Fighting to get better, that's where. At times I think I can't do it anymore and drop back into that deep, dark abyss. The there are times like now, when I feel almost normal, back to who I am meant to be, or at least a new version of that ;)

Reality is, we are all fighters. We wouldn't still be here if we weren't. Since others have found a way to live with this and have happy, productive lives.......so can I, so can you! So for today....I haven't lost my hope, for today, I will be happy and not worry about what tomorrow may bring.

 

[Tinyflame]

I lost my childhood, my ability to trust, my capability to not fear bad things would happen after good, my energy, a sense of security, my future, much of my self respect, my ability to see myself objectively, my hope, my value, my expectation that the world may not blow apart.

I gained greater responsibilty, greater onus on my part to clean my own house, less judgment of others, a greater appreciation of what is good, more gratitude, more compassion (I think), a better understanding of what I can't control, more love.

 

[Iam]

I gained greater responsibilty, greater onus on my part to clean my own house, less judgment of others, a greater appreciation of what is good, more gratitude, more compassion (I think), a better understanding of what I can't control, more love.

Thank you Junebug. I think we often forget to remember and hold onto what we have gained from our traumas. That was very well said and very insightful ;)

 

[Tinyflame]

Oh Dear Iam, thank you but I am not as evolved or selfless as you. I often question as to whether what I have 'gained' or the viewpoints I have are of any use to myself or others- I would rather be 'normal', to be honest. Not that anyone here is not 'normal' but I am a 'tough case', lol :rolleyes:. Even some of the things people say here I can't quite relate to, I just cannot see myself overcoming some things people take for granted.

However, no one can change the past and everyone has things they go through, none of us has much alternative so I'm trying. God only knows I am trying. I believe I may have to accept that I will only get so far, so to speak, but maybe (for me) that is meant to be enough.
I guess as they say one day I will get the 'questions' and the answers.

 

[anni]

I don't know, Junebug, I think it IS as evolved as the human animal is meant to be, to quite simply end up as KIND. Seriously. It means one has traveled a path beyond societal norms and demands with the capability to ascertain that this whole life thing isn't actually about us, really. It's about others. You have inherant, genuine kindness. I just think that's what evolved IS, that's all.

For what it's worth, I also think there are some areas in which I will only get 'so far', as you say. No, it does not mean I'm not trying, either, or do not wish to be different. I may have to settle for trying to be happy with myself, which is another story.

 

[Tinyflame]

Thanks anni, you then have evolved most of ALL :)
-Hugs ++

 

[Iam]

For what it's worth, I also think there are some areas in which I will only get 'so far', as you say. No, it does not mean I'm not trying, either, or do not wish to be different. I may have to settle for trying to be happy with myself, which is another story.

I think Anni, that being happy with ourselves is the main goal. Somehow that translates into being whole and content. My T has often pointed out that having traumas have a great deal to do with the fact of one being highly intuitive, compassionate and empathetic. But having said that, if we could only treat ourselves the same way we treat others we would be so much happier!