Do you lose your temper?

[SeekingAfrica]

I'm having a bit of a hard time. I'm usually so stricktly thought because of trauma how to control my emotions. Tooks me many years to allow people to see me cry and now I am accepting, sort of.
But then I had pushed my anger down and down for survival and it's finally coming out sometimes in ways I am not sure how to control.

Now because of my finances recovering, I have to postpone ....I paid like 80% of something on time, and because of the job recovery process, I have no choice but to be late with that amount. I was going to be late with the whole amount, but I knew it wasn't ideal, so I did all I could to get some funds on time. Got to 80%. Now, about the rest, it's due Monday, and today I updated about the way the situation is... and I got yelled at. I should have held my tongue, but I've been under so much impossible stress this year that I found myself exploding. I said while I appreciate owing that amount I'm not a child to be scoulded, I did what I could to get it on time, that if it was a bank I would get late fees without the yelling and I'm doing my best and I got most of the amount and will get the rest few days after that, as soon as humanly possible.

Am I crazy? Or is it normal to expect a more adult conversation when it comes to debt depayment when I am willing to both update on the situation on time and give a repayment timetable for the rest and made sure the rest was as small as possible with my current resources? And I am paying late fee too, so can I get a late fee without the yelling?

I am starting to have trouble regulating emotional outbursts I think and this situation may have been such.
And as I am upset it's hard to recognize if what is said was awful or correct or as it sometimes happens in life, both at the same time.
Do I need to apologize? Though I did already apologize for the delay, but before I got angry too...

BTW, not saying I should ever be late with payments, this is just a bad year and actually in comparisson to other issues I've had before it's not the worst... but once you get yourself in a money whole, digging yourself out seems to be a complex feat...
update: realized this is a dysregulation topic just now

 

[SeekingAfrica]

Update:

So me expressing my thoughts after they did theirs actually ended up okay.

Usually if I bite my words I end up feeling worse and then eventually obsessing about fixing things the way the other person wants even if in this case it's not possible.

But I said what I needed to, and they did as well. And we decided to part ways after this is resolved.

I realized I didn't like how that person has treated me over the time we have known each other. Sort of everything is perfect most of the time and you're an amazing person, but make one mistake and you're the worst person they have ever met... until they are no longer mad. And than the same thing over and over. Not my style.

The person said that I should go to a bank if I want no yelling next time. I said okay.

So I think we are on the same page now, even if not a pleasant one: we both know afterwards we won't communicate and that is fine. We both know the time table I am working with right now. I mean I sort of expect them to forget and get extremely mad in the day after I repay most of it about repaying the rest. But I'll just have to deal with that then.

 

[Movingforward10]

It's normal to feel anger and to express it at times without thinking it through because it comes out.

Should you have been yelled at? No, but also, there might be more context. Maybe that tpersonbis under financial pressure too so being late with payment (which they have to trust you will repay), might impact them and make them upset and angry.
If they are a professional and yelling then that makes it worse. But if it's a personal relationship and this impacts them, then it might not be great but understandable?
In the same way you being angry back is understandable. Not great but understandable.

It's not an either or situation?

 

[arfie]

losing my temper is one of my meaner psycho ticks. enough so that i started my anger management therapy under court order. i was mandated there, but i stayed to heal and am eternally grateful i did. i still lose my temper all too easily, but i am much quicker to catch myself before the collateral damage escalates beyond what my conscience can forgive. learning how to make amends has been my most effective tool. 'tis amazing how often making amends results in more civil conversations, such as the one you reached with the debt collector. congrats on that one.

anger channeling helps me diffuse my anger effectively while helping me understand the deeper connections to my childhood trauma.

 

[Friday]

You might find this article useful >>> The Iceberg Of Emotions

 

[abovedown]

Now because of my finances recovering, I have to postpone ....I paid like 80% of something on time, and because of the job recovery process, I have no choice but to be late with that amount. I was going to be late with the whole amount, but I knew it wasn't ideal, so I did all I could to get some funds on time. Got to 80%. Now, about the rest, it's due Monday, and today I updated about the way the situation is... and I got yelled at. I should have held my tongue, but I've been under so much impossible stress this year that I found myself exploding. I said while I appreciate owing that amount I'm not a child to be scoulded, I did what I could to get it on time, that if it was a bank I would get late fees without the yelling and I'm doing my best and I got most of the amount and will get the rest few days after that, as soon as humanly possible.

Am I crazy? Or is it normal to expect a more adult conversation when it comes to debt depayment when I am willing to both update on the situation on time and give a repayment timetable for the rest and made sure the rest was as small as possible with my current resources? And I am paying late fee too, so can I get a late fee without the yelling?

I think you might be making progress here. I don't suggest yelling back but I think you are starting to advocate yourself. You rightly expect the other person to act like a calm adult like as you yourself carried a difficult and stressful conversation with grace. You can't help of your payments are late do to your hard situation, as you are doing the best what you can to pay them back. Yelling does not help anyone.

 

[Lost in the Woods]

I think I have a predisposition for conflict, it is never physical, just words. I do my best to control it with family and friends but dealing with some flunky at an insurance company or public agency I am much less guarded. I can vent on these people like there is no tomorrow. I hate it. I can’t control it. There is a point of no return when I let loose, and boy do I let loose. It isn’t yelling or screaming but I verbally shred them covering their lack of intellect all the way to their ancestry. This usually happens right before I go over their head to a higher authority. I am ashamed about it, these are just people trying to make a living with their limited abilities and narrow life experience. There is no excuse for verbally demeaning them.

My wife is incredible dealing with such people, she is super gracious and I look to her as a roll model on these situations. But me, all that pent up anger finally has a chance to vent and the spew starts flowing. I hope someday to evolve past such displays of nastiness but I have a long way to go.

 

[Lost in the Woods]

I have been doing something about temper and anger. I read somewhere that a small dose of Zoloft helps. I am very sensitive to meds so we took the normal sub therapeutic dose and cut it in half. I have been taking it for a week. For the last four days I haven’t even muttered a swear word. I think it might be helping to reduce my dysregulation too. I hope it keeps working like this.