What do you do when someone gets you a gift that shows they haven't listened to anything that you said?

[ms spock]

This is something that drives me a little nuts. To the point that I often try to use it as a teachable moment. Usually, I do it by pointing out that the reason Ted Bundy was a successful (?!) serial killer was that he was charming. Or capable of presenting as charming anyway. I flat out tell people that "successful" pedophiles don't come across as creepy scumbags. They come across as nice, normal people, if anything a bit nicer than average.

I am totally going nuts about this! It's well - you totally get it.

Yeah I am not going to bother with the immediate folks because they are never going to shift but the folks on the margins I will discuss what was told to me, my concerns and how the woman how he just stuck up for and did a great defense of him, whilst totally undermining me said he's not safe with children. So I have a way of saying stuff without actually getting into a total shit fight. The set up aspect of it was blood chilling because if she continues to be emotionally abusive of kids no one is going to pay attention to what he is planning on doing.

Hoping that the surgery is a breeze and you get enough rain to end the fires, but not too much!

We did get rain. It will give us 1-2 weeks reprieve maybe even 3-4 weeks reprieve.

 

[Deanna]

I would have gone back to the nursery and get the one I wanted ( partner would have never known after you planted it) he sounds like he was busy doing something else and ran up there real quick
Many "B's" do this all the time! No problem. It's the thought. :hug: Glad he sold to get his money back.

 

[Deanna]

I hope you do better for what's going on with youm. Trauma is so hard to treat. I just ah, don't talk to anyone about it except here ( I've yet to start a diary because there is so much trauma and neglect in my story) my therapist and psychiatrist. We upped my meds last time. Much better to function.

 

[ms spock]

Oh @ms spock i empathise so much.
for me it’s multifaceted- both being seen and heard and all that stuff you said And then coming to realise I ( and this is me - your situation might be different but I share this in case it helps) was being over controlling. This ‘culture clash’ worked out as a good way to communicate not just for me to be better heard, but for me to better listen.

I definitely am controlling through trying to manage my anxiety. I am not easy to live with at times. I also do look after B really well. This tree would have been a significant management issue though it would have looked good. We have so much to fix around the house.

And yes it was really about me being heard yesterday. It was all about me.

 

[Mee]

I definitely am controlling through trying to manage my anxiety. I am not easy to live with at times. I also do look after B really well. This tree would have been a significant management issue though it would have looked good. We have so much to fix around the house.

And yes it was really about me being heard yesterday. It was all about me.

And you were heard after!

Have you tried voicing the thing about being easy to live with? I talk to my dH about it and he agrees I am not particularly easy to live with but that’s ok because things that have big value often aren’t easy. ;).

Before PTSD I was still a bit ‘particular’, required ‘emotional maintenance ‘ And this was his discussion then too- You maintain what has value to you, and sometimes the ‘precious stuff’ needs particular care.
Also he and I have discussed that there is some honesty and ease in communication in being open with each other about needs, ‘particular’ stuff. it’s not great we feel need to control our environment but we bring other things to the table.

 

[The Albatross]

You've got far too much on your plate right now, but at some point I had to take apart and examine my thoughts/feelings/beliefs around disappointment and my expectations. Much later on... when your back on a good track, might be worth a look to kick the rock over and see what's underneath.

 

[ms spock]

I am way overloaded at the moment @The Albatross! I am so mega overloaded.

 

[ms spock]

I didn't even tell my psychiatrist about this, though we did discuss me being in flight, fight, freeze etc. And actually how I am doing it is a lot less though, I didn't realise it. I am improving. It's just hard.

3/4 weeks B will have had his operation and we will be recovery mode.

 

[ms spock]

I feel like such a reject. It's terrible. I am SO overeactive and personalising so much! It's a huge problem. I have been working with a woman that I am pretty sure that she has PTSD, and has had severe childhood trauma. She is paranoid, overreactive, defensive and scared of going off at people and being unable to go back because she goes off so much. She thinks I have really good people skills. LMAO I have improved a bit I guess. She's such a perfectionist, and we have so much in common. I said to her that's what we have in common. She said she's also a control freak and she tries not to do that to her children. I said I was lucky as B is so placid and he ignores me and her partner, a really lovely person. She said he ignores her as well. She's a really lovely person but my god she struggles. And she shared a bad experience that she had with some Wildlife Carers and if I didn't know animals that could have happened to me.