What Do You Do When Too Overwhelmed To Think?

[sun seeker]

I don't know if this is the right place to put this; once when I mentioned there should be a forum for "overwhelmed" someone answered that when you have PTSD, everything goes under "overwhelmed." Maybe so.

I'm not doing well, haven't been for a few weeks now. Some of the story is under my thread entitled "Hospital." It's not getting better yet because, well, the problems causing the crisis haven't been addressed yet. I've done all I can think of towards this. Have two highly competent (I think... I hope... ) people ready to help my therapist sort out how to help me more effectively, but it's all waiting for everyone to get back to each other, for what feels like forever, and I'm still here, still hurting, still waiting.

And I'm scared. Because things have happened recently that I am beginning to realize are not just triggering, but retraumatizing me. And I don't know whether I will be heard and my concerns taken seriously. That replays so many situations from the past and more than anything I feel defeated and helpless. And there is conflict going on between the need to say what has been hurting me in the hopes it will be addressed, and the fear of being open about some things my therapist has been doing that are hurting me in case he takes it as a reason to abandon me. I feel hugely vulnerable. Terrified of making one wrong move, because my life is so close to tumbling down around me and I know I don't have the resources to put it back together again.

And I don't know whether I'm thinking clearly on any of this. I have a friend who studied psychology for many years who is familiar enough with my situation to see the red flags, and has been trying to help me see what is going on and giving me advice. Good advice, but it's getting the wheels in my head turning while some of them are still turning the other way, and it feels like there's a battle going on in there. I should do this... no, wait, I should do that... well, there's some truth to this point of view... but what about this other point of view... but maybe... And all the while, another part of me just wants to stop trying and having to be the responsible one and sort this out in an adult way, and just wants to cry and be comforted, because I feel so lonely and scared and hurt.

Meanwhile one of the above-mentioned experts has different opinions, and I can't really tell which one is right.

I was holding on... barely. Anxious all the time, feeling the familiar dread, the hopelessness, the various somatic symptoms... but doing at least the minimum I'm supposed to be doing to function. This morning I was supposed to help a neighbour with some yard work, and that just fell through, and now I don't know what to do with myself or how to plan my week. Even last week when this latest crisis stage began, I knew I would need extra medication, but couldn't get it together to do anything about it. Mental health worker called and offered me an appointment time, but I was so confused about what I was doing, I didn't call her back. A friend wanted me to go over to her place, but I didn't, and she hasn't called me back, and I don't have it in me to explain why I didn't go. I feel exposed every time I go out, like everyone can see how close I am to losing it, or will run into people who know how badly I've already lost it, and I just want to hide... but at the same time am desperately crying for help, and no one is hearing me fast enough.

I'm not making much sense here, I know. And that's the point, the stress has gotten bad enough that I can't think straight, and I don't know what to do anymore to help myself.

 

[Mim28]

I don't know if this is the right place to put this; once when I mentioned there should be a forum f...

I'm sorry you are going through this right now Sun Seeker. I think I can somewhat relate at least to the feeling of not knowing what to do, of feeling yourself falling apart, and trying to hold it together. If you have a "problem-solving" mind like some of us, it is a blessing in the best of times, and during these times, it's a curse. I was feeling very similarly about a month ago. I just couldn't even make myself call the drs. I was so exhausted and scared.
I would take it one minute at a time. anything to calm myself down or divert my attention, no matter how mundane.
I think if you can do one thing.... just one.. do it. If its getting to an appointment with the doctor, then try, and then celebrate that you could at least get that done. I'm not sure if this is helping, but know I care. :hug:

 

[Suzetig]

I don't have time right now to properly respond, but I didn't want to read and not reply either - so, I'll come back when I've got a bit more time to think but I do hear how confused, scared and conflicted you are and how hard it is to trust that you won't loose everyone in trying to make things work the way you need them to.

Try to get some rest, physical rest - stop doing whatever you think you should be and nap, or sleep or snuggle or whatever - your system is overloaded and you sound shattered.

 

[scout86]

"What do you do when you're too overwhelmed to think?"

Serious answer. I find something to do that requires my attention but no thought.

I can get lost in the right book, so, sometimes that. Sometimes hours of playing stupid, mindless games on the computer. Sometimes mowing the lawn, or killing weeds, or repairing a fence...... Usually, for me, 'physical' is good, but it has to be absorbing enough to require my full attention and interesting enough to keep it. (Watching Monte Python videos? "And now for something completely different......"?)

Right now, you don't have to DO anything except wait. Hard to do, of course. But, for the moment, your job is to just allow time for things to work themselves through to where ever they'll be.

 

[sun seeker]

I am so afraid my attempts at fixing things will blow up in my face because I can't think and if everyone else doesn't understand what that is like, they might be offended that I'm doing things wrong. One of the experts got concerned that maybe she was in the way because of the other expert. And so far, none of them have actually DONE anything to help me, and I'm still here.

One thing. Okay. Uh...

Oh, I didn't mention that during all this, I am also moving, and I'm not staying on top of all I'm supposed to be doing about that, and I can't even THINK to know what the hell I should be doing about it.

One thing. I'm going to lie down and watch a DVD.

 

[hodge]

:hug:s, Sun Seeker. I don't feel I have the wherewithal to properly respond in any helpful way. But, like Suzetig, I can't read this and not say something. Just try to take care of yourself, rest, do some breathing calming stuff. That's about all I'm up for, too, right now.

 

[hodge]

OMG, moving is what they do in hell! You seriously have my sympathy. Yeah, lie down and watch a DVD. I hope you feel better soon.

 

[scout86]

Have you ever run a skidloader? Are you familiar with them at all? They're kind of fun, but the controls are kind of reactive. Sometimes, they start 'bouncing'. That's the only way I can describe it. It's not so much dangerous as very unsettling. (It can GET dangerous if it goes too far.) When the skidloader starts bouncing, the harder you try to steer it to make it quit doing that, the more it bounces. The thing to do is take your hands off the controls and wait. It will stop. Then you can regroup and deal with what ever needs to be dealt with next. Sometimes that also happens in the rest of life. I think 'Now' is one of those moments for you.

If all those 'experts' are really expert, they will sort things out and ask you what they need to know. Wait until it's totally clear that they need your input. Just take you hands off the controls and do something fun until things quit bouncing. :hug:

 

[Chiqui]

What do I do?

I do sleep, Netflix under a blanket. If it is too bad, and as long as I need. I try to remember toeat and drink, take my meds on time. I put my head phones on. Miles Davis usually works. And I cancel all the previous comitments ( I am not feeling well, may be some flu or whatever excuse)

Moving also it is stressful by itself. Even when we are feeling well. Can you do it when you feel much better? I take nice baths... I do some gardening or cleaning if I feel like it.
You are your priority now. Everything and everyone now can wait until you want.
Keep safe.
Hugs

 

[sun seeker]

Yard work is happening after all.

I couldn't think to decide whether to say no to that or not, so I'm going with it. Maybe it will help.

@scout86, I hate to admit I don't even know what a skidloader is. I'll have to look it up when I get back. I get the analogy though!

All I can take in right now is everyone seems to be telling me to take it easy. I feel like my own mind isn't giving me accurate feedback right now, so I'll just go with the consensus opinion. :)

 

[shimmerz]

If all those 'experts' are really expert, they will sort things out and ask you what they need to know.

I agree with this. Pushing or demanding that people listen (no idea if this is what you are doing) many times will have the opposite effect. Sit back as best as you can.... maybe diary as IF you are contacting the people you want to contact, but don't send them out to anyone, and do what you can to keep moving body wise to keep yourself engaged in your body.

 

[Suzetig]

The yard work might help, it may give you some space to not think, fresh air is usually good (for me at least) and you'll have company - even if you just need your neighbours to not talk and just work in companionable silence.

I think the experts may be finding your situation isn't straightforward - and that's fine, it's not unusual for there to be complexities in PTSD. I agree with others - let them do their thing and just reply when they ask for something from you. You aren't dropping anyone in trouble and the supervisors role is to help your therapist to continue with your therapy. There are no absolutes but most supervisors would be be very reluctant to ask a therapist to stop working with a client so far into treatment unless it was absolutely necessary. They're more likely to suggest further training and close supervision as a development process for the therapist. Especially if there aren't many people working with your particular issues. So, in those very scared moments, remember it's your job to be the client, not to fix or look after or protect your therapist so anything you need to say, say it.

I hope the yard work helps, I hope posting here helps but do recognise just how much you're trying to deal with and build in some rest, collapse and chill time in whatever way that looks to you.