lostforgottensoul
VIP Member
Yes! I feel like that right now! And on my days off, i dont move out of one place and only do to work cause I have to but if it were up to me i wouldnt.
It started when my mom passed whom was one of my main abusers.
Its a horrible feeling as I feel like Im watching myself sink but cant do anything to move.
A dear person on here advised me to just stop. Stop fighting as I was desperately trying to grab a hold of something, anything to hold on to and pull myself back up and was rather frantic. And despite my terror of being swallowed up, I stopped.
It was rather silent for a bit and my therapist sort of met me at this lull, trying to make me ride it out and throwing in a few things to think about but mostly he wanted me to ride out this lull and so I did despite everything in me that wanted to fight.
Now theres a few things thats starting to come up for me. Weird dots connecting that never had before. Sadness which I have never felt before.
I know there a lot of pain there that I will need to feel and I think thats slowly emerging.
Ive been trying to stay open, aware, and allow myself to investgate each thing that's come up and so that has allowed some new stuff
So I say, without reading any other replies, that you arent moving backwards and dont need to do anything to move foward other than to try to be aware of what comes, open to it, and investigate it.
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