What Do You Do With All This Anger?

[Notsowild]

Lets see ... My story... Childhood sexual and physical abuse from my father.
Verbally and emotionally abusive husband
Agoraphobia, panic attacks and dissociation for years
Near fatal car accident with crazy new symptoms
Diagnosed with Complex PTSD and ASD and depersonalization
Back to work- new boss who was verbally abusive.

I just got to the point where I can't take this anymore. I feel I'm here on earth to be everyone's punching bag. I'm feeling so much anger with everything and everyone. I've been learning how to be more assertive. But its just so difficult. There are so many cruel, nasty people out there. I just want to hit them or yell and scream. I'm just so tired of everyone trying to belittle me. I don't want to be abused anymore. I have all this anger coming inside me. I can feel it throughout my body. I feels like I might explode one day and say or do something stupid. Want can I do with this anger?
It's scaring me alot to be this way.

 

[Go Hungry]

((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))

I don't know what to say. But you aren't alone. My T suggested that I just beat my bed into oblivion... I haven't tried it yet, but it could be of some help..

 

[Ghostybear73]

I'm told to remind myself that I can't change the way other people act, but I can change the way I react. Doesn't help very much, but the one out of many times I was able to apply this, it was a huge accomplishment and so I keep practicing.

Also, anger is the easy emotion, try figuring out what the real emotion is, as an example, I will use the feeling "hurt", but whatever it is, try to feel it and let it in. Its easier said than done, though.

 

[Friday]

Dontcha just loooooove how all the new stuff piles on?
So. Much. Fun.
Deep breath.

I can see, very clearly, how each domino got locked into position sometimes. One triggers the next triggers the next. Not necessarily in the blame sense, a lot really did just come flying out of the blue, while others are a direct result of the domino behind it. Each with its own particular twist. Like colors in a fireworks display, or something.

When I'm doing well, I can channel anger into happy. Burn it all up in fun stuff, while keeping it tightly leashed in layers of control. For example in sports and martial arts. So many layers of control that I can't actually lose it.

When I'm not doing well, I have to remain very, very still. The anger is hot and wild and very maladaptive. I can't let myself let any of it out or very bad things will happen. I have to just ride the wave, and writhe through it, until it passes. Kind of like a monster time out.

I learned to take timeouts with my son. Rule in our house is that timeouts aren't punishments. They're a time for hot anger to subside and cool reason to return. Could take a minute, could take hours. But the rule is that you have to remove yourself from society until you can explain (without getting emotionally wrapped up)
- What happened ?
- Why it happened ?
- What are at least 2 things to do differently next time?
- How can we put things right?

With my son what/why are usually reversed. 'What' is I shouted, or threw a fit, or whatever. And 'why' is I got angry or I was disappointed or so and so took my truck. With myself those are usually backwards, because I can stop myself from punching the wall or ripping someone's arm off and beating them with it, so 'what happened' is I got angry, and why is 'family court are f*cking retards' / aka helplessness

 

[Ted Moen]

Deep inside we have this ball of intense feelings, all the feelings related to all the traumas we have experienced, all interwoven and knotted and tangled and ready to explode into our current situation when triggered. The intense feeling in most noticed when it is experienced as anger because it usually results in us doing something not really appropriate in our current situation. In our current situation we need to learn to pay attention to our intense feelings and recognize when they are triggered. The task is to learn to behave appropriately in our current situation while experiencing these intense feelings that really don't have anything to do with our current situation. We do not have to act on the intense feelings. They will pass. In the long term we need to unravel the ball of feelings in a safe environment with a qualified therapist.

In short, we have to recognize the intense feelings and be careful not to turn them into behavior inappropriate to our current situation while continuing to behave appropriately in our current situation.

 

[Notsowild]

Also, anger is the easy emotion, try figuring out what the real emotion is, as an example, I will use the feeling "hurt", but whatever it is, try to feel it and let it in. Its easier said than done, though.

Never thought of that. Interesting. So if I'm feeling anger there's a feeling that's bringing it on. Have to think more on that. Thanks.

I can see, very clearly, how each domino got locked into position sometimes. One triggers the next triggers the next. Not necessarily in the blame sense, a lot really did just come flying out of the blue, while others are a direct result of the domino behind it. Each with its own particular twist. Like colors in a fireworks display, or something.

Love this analogy

They're a time for hot anger to subside and cool reason to return. Could take a minute, could take hours. But the rule is that you have to remove yourself from society until you can explain (without getting emotionally wrapped up)
- What happened ?
- Why it happened ?
- What are at least 2 things to do differently next time?
- How can we put things right

This is hard to do at work. Guess I would be allowed to take 5. I just don't understand I've never felt this much anger before. I really does scare me at times.

Deep inside we have this ball of intense feelings, all the feelings related to all the traumas we have experienced, all interwoven and knotted and tangled and ready to explode into our current situation when triggered. The intense feeling in most noticed when it is experienced as anger because it usually results in us doing something not really appropriate in our current situation. In our current situation we need to learn to pay attention to our intense feelings and recognize when they are triggered. The task is to learn to behave appropriately in our current situation while experiencing these intense feelings that really don't have anything to do with our current situation. We do not have to act on the intense feelings. They will pass. In the long term we need to unravel the ball of feelings in a safe environment with a qualified therapist.

Yes it's this intense feeling of anger inside me. I can feel it all throughout my body. I have never shown anger. I have always been a shy quiet person. So it's a scary feeling. I'm scared of harming myself or someone else. I'll definetly be talking to my T about it this week plus all the suicidal thoughts.

 

[Notsowild]

What the hell! I screwed that up. i merged together @FridayJones post and @Ted Moen Sorry

 

[joeylittle]

Fixed that for you, @Notsowild :)

 

[Notsowild]

Thanks @joeylittle