okay,I just did a 50 hour week of barely keeping anger in check at my workplace. I was mere seconds of provocation away from just walking away from a 30 plus year career at any given time in the last 5 days. looking back- what did I do to get through just not wanting to continue? I worked, hard, staying as deeply involved in my job as I could for as long as i could, resisting the urge to surface and get a breath of the surrounding toxic air for as long as I could hold out. If I needed a bereak I searched on line for better purchase prices for things I know we get a fair price on but there are always better deals to be had and spending an hour searching for a few bucks on something we will buy a thousand of in the next year is a few thousand dollars saved that justifies an hour of web surfing and mindless make work to get my mind away from the work and stress of my real job.
off work I enjoyed the company of my wife and GRAND daughter, even when it was doing something I wouldn't do alone. I watched shows geared to a 3 year old and followed the storyline, I read to her, we played with blocks. I listened to baseball games because it is better than watching them on TV. I had a fire in the fire pit and played with our labs.
It got me through a tough week. I also have unnending pain and have to fly this out of control PTSD Rocket Ride that could take me to really dark places before I even realise I have steered myself in that direction, and I wonder if it is worth the extra effort I have to put out just to stay afloat while others seem to be happily enjoying the ride down the river.
Lacking in metaphores I aint.
I guess I get it, but we each have to live our own lives, inside and outside our heads. I guess the long and short of it is that every thought can be a decision and deciding to at least think about something, anything besides the bad stuff is enough, even when thinking about the good stuff just seems like a fading distant memory.
off work I enjoyed the company of my wife and GRAND daughter, even when it was doing something I wouldn't do alone. I watched shows geared to a 3 year old and followed the storyline, I read to her, we played with blocks. I listened to baseball games because it is better than watching them on TV. I had a fire in the fire pit and played with our labs.
It got me through a tough week. I also have unnending pain and have to fly this out of control PTSD Rocket Ride that could take me to really dark places before I even realise I have steered myself in that direction, and I wonder if it is worth the extra effort I have to put out just to stay afloat while others seem to be happily enjoying the ride down the river.
Lacking in metaphores I aint.
I guess I get it, but we each have to live our own lives, inside and outside our heads. I guess the long and short of it is that every thought can be a decision and deciding to at least think about something, anything besides the bad stuff is enough, even when thinking about the good stuff just seems like a fading distant memory.
