General What Do You Let Your Sufferer Get Away With?

[amethist]

He may come back to you, but he may not, no one can say.

That said it is totally up to you how long you wait fro him. Some can wait weeks and months and hear nothing ever again.

 

[Deleted member 28812]

C has often said that if there was a legal drug that allowed or caused him to feel warm, fuzzy good feelings, to laugh often, to readily feel love, and to be boy silly, he would kiss beer good by in a heart beat.

That reminds me a lot of my guy. He does not drink too much but he "uses" beer as "medication" - to feel careless and silly. Bad?

 

[holdenmonty]

I'm with you there @Lemontree I'm a the ptsd sufferer in the marriage but I think my wife would allow me more stuff than I do. With my meds and therapy I'm able to do pretty good most of the time.

The one thing that she and I both don't let me get away with when I over react in anger when my sons do something small. If something happens and I start yelling and I see the deer in the headlights look from one or both of my sons it breaks my cycle and I realize that I have lost them and am not doing any benefit and only causing damage if I continue. Also if I'm yelling at them and they start crying to me it's partially good but also partially bad, but we are working more on using time out and explaining to them how and why their behavior or whatever they did isn't acceptable.

My wife told me that I can have a beer every day if it helps me to feel better as long as I don't get out of control. After I pushed my wife away I feel into a bad drinking habit every weekend so I have made sure that I don't fall into that habit again and I'm a happy drunk. I use to drink to feel any kind emotion like a lot of the individuals that have said on here. Now if I have had a really tough day I usually only have one and on my meds the only thing that they do is make my tolerance lower which I don't mind since I have to pay for it all. But if it has been a tough week like this week I will probably have three drinks and will get feeling good and then stop at three.

 

[Deleted member 28812]

It wasn't a statement, Monty. It's a question. I don't know if it is good or bad. I think that there are several alcoholics in my family and I hate what booze has done to them. On the one hand I don't like alcohol but on the other hand it has positive effects.

I would like to discuss this when I have more time but I am not sure if it is okay to talk about the positive effects of alcohol. I will have to ask this.

Be sure to be careful, buddy. Combining alcohol with medication may have severe or depending on the type of medication even deadly side effects.

 

[holdenmonty]

Ok I got ya. It's a tough thing it does have it's positives. But in my personal opinion you aren't in a good place if you have to drink to have any kind of emotions. It hasn't been until the last year that I have been ok with even having one alcoholic beverage. It's really tough, abd I remember learning in German class that beer is pretty much at the center of the German culture. I haven't exactly talked to my psychologist about drinking to get drunk while on my meds but I have an appointment with him on the 20th of March so I will make sure to ask him about it then

 

[Deleted member 28812]

Yes, that's true. Pubs and beer are central to our culture.

My husband does not drink on medication but then he does not like his medication, will soon come off it.

My question is really like how much booze is okay for a vet and because everybody in our culture drinks so much that question is difficult to answer. Our nasty civvies drink much, our soldiers and vets drink even more. I had vets, european vets, telling me that vets just need to get drunk with their buddies sometimes - a psychological need. I don't want to patronize him.

 

[Friday]

@Lemontree 21... But, yes. It is rather backwards, on several levels. I enlisted at 17. I was discharged before I was legally allowed to drink. Didn't stop my drinking, however. Or anyone I knew in the Marines. We all drank. We just did it off base, or in the barracks, or out of country.

Personally, I'm a fan of drinking.

Alcohol can be a huge problem. In a bad place, sometimes the only thing holding everything together are the last shreds of self control... And alcohol removes self control. This can be very dangerous. To say the least. Bad things happen.

But it can also be a release valve. Something that helps vent stress, relaxes self control, before things boil over. Like physical training/exercise helps vent anger before the anger over boils. A time to get silly. To relax. To celebrate. To mourn. To feel a little more. To be human for a moment.

If I'm having a beer with lunch? Or a glass of wine while stirring risotto (and stirring, and stirring, and stirring)? Midnight Margaritas with my girlfriends? Or even several beers with friends? Drinking lightly most of the time, drinking to excess occasionally (planned environment, not being stupid, not having bad results)... It's a sign I'm doing good. I'm pretty healthy. I'm also probably exercising regularly, meeting my responsibilities, managing my symptoms fairly decently. I can drink for the warmth of it. For the relaxation. For the fun of it.

If I'm drinking to battle my demons? To forget? To oblivion? If I'm picking fights, sleeping around, getting wasted just to be able to function? If I doing things I wouldn't do, don't respect, don't have control over myself? Bad. Self medicating. I can't drown my demons, they can swim. And they've got a higher tolerance than I do.

I have to be careful with my drinking, the same way I have to be careful with my exercise & my temper & my sex drive & my thrill seeking. All of these are fine in and of themselves. They can be moderated, put to use, good &'healthy components in my life. Or I can abuse them.

I have to be careful with many things in my life due to PTSD. Alcohol is just one of many. But they are also all things which are beneficial in my life. As long as I'm careful. And honest with myself.

 

[Deleted member 28812]

My husband is able to function pretty well with or without booze and he never gets into fights. He avoids all signs of conflicts. He thinks it is a good idea to drink to be able to sleep. Bad?

My guy likes to drink with his friends and I think it is pretty normal but he has a buddy who is an former serviceman and when they go to the bar, sometimes with other former servicemen and more often with civvies everybody who is not the designed driver gets very drunk. In the past my husband has been so drunk he could not stand on his legs or talk in a way that could be understood. His buddies brought him home safe. I just thought "Oh thank you, Lord, at least he did not try to drive" because they went with our car but another guy chose to be the designed driver. While he does not do this very often it has happened. he did not remember the next day. I told him what had happened and that I was angry at him. He wants to watch it in future.

I tried to avoid the word you do not like, better?

 

[Pebbles5280]

As a newbie both to PTSD and the forum, I'm still learning what my boundaries are. This thread was very helpful in reassuring me that I do need to set boundaries and I'm not being mean or unreasonable.