What Do You Think?

[seekingstability]

I had therapy last night and we talked about the birth of my first child coming up in sept. My T is concerned that I'll dissociate from the pain / anxiety. She's offered to be at the birth to be a second support person with my husband. I want to take her up on it but am concerned about the boundaries / wondering if it will be weird afterwards...

What do you think?

 

[joeylittle]

If you are concerned about the boundaries, then I'd say you should trust yourself and not have your relationship with her cross that line.

How good is your husband with helping you ground? A more effective use of your therapist could be in doing some sessions together with him to practice grounding, breathing, etc.

 

[Seasounds]

I'd trust your sense of boundaries too, if your husband is supportive and if you have another friend to be with you, -preferably who has had a child.

Births are painful, great to have a plan for breathing techniques, backup pain plan-of a caudal, etc.

Disassociation is a normal response to pain. Whoever is with you, ask them to gently tend to you (e.g. soft touch, kind words, etc.) in ways that help you stay associated.

 

[nursenurse]

From a medical stand point, I think this is a crossing of boundaries. Although I am sure it has been done before, I question the ethics. She is your therapist. I heartily agree with Joeylittle's suggestion. She should be teaching your hubby how to help you. The idea is independence, not dependence.

Good luck, babies are a great reason for the celebration of life :)

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Well, on a more practical level, taking out the ethics things (which I agree with @nursenurse it's not ethical)...Aren't babies sort of born, whenever they want to be born? What if it's the middle of the night, or 2 in the afternoon while she is with clients? And they aren't born quickly either at least not normally. So practical she wouldn't be able to be there for much of it.

I don't think it's a solution or even a practical option. More then likely when the time comes she wont be able to be there becasue of other obligation issues.

I think she is basing her question/suggestion on emotion.

Good luck.

 

[ghotiff]

I think births are not something a t can easily attend and so I would not want to plan for this and then potentially be dissapointed.

The birth of my first child went for over 24hours (there were complications). If your therapist committed to you to be there would it be for the whole time and who would pay for her time (or loss of income) while being with you.

I had my husband and a friend attend. My friend was far more "useful" for me.

Hope that helps.

 

[Laura 2]

Years ago after my first child, I was a birth-partner for my friend, we'd grown up together. It was an amazing and joyful experience.

All my own deliveries were easy-peasy, quick and wonderful. During the first I had a brilliant dissociative experience - went waaay out of body and 'saw' right into the 'hearts' of people in the labour room. This was 20-odd years before I got PTSD when I was an normal (!) healthy young woman. I just thought it was a very interesting and positive part of the whole process. Never experienced it again.

I guess the impact of a dissociative experience during birth may depend on how you look at it; it seems to be a rare but normal occurrence. I agree though, having one's T there is, to me, too far beyond proper boundaries and could even trigger a negative experience because her presence would suggest that you're expecting something to go wrong.

 

[desiderata310]

As stand offish as I am with my therapist, I have found that he is about the only person I actually trust (well... on a certain level... but he's certainly one up from everyone else) I would welcome him in to a scenario like this. That said, folks above are correct- I think she might be more than willing to earnestly try to make this work (and she may be seeing this as a way to bond with you) but she may also be placing unrealistic goals on herself in order to make you feel supported.

I don't think it would be awkward after. She could discreetly leave the room after for you three to have that time together so that's not an issue.

It's well intentioned but probably not the greatest plan in the world. Tell her you will text when you go into labor and she can come see you when the baby is born. (I actually think dissociating while giving birth wouldn't be such a bad thing. I mean, they give you drugs for pain that kinda have the same effect.(mom of three here) Just saying.)

 

[Hashi]

Am I allowed to think that your work with your therapist would be more appropriately directed to how you'll cope after the birth when you have a baby to deal with? Plenty of possible anxiety there.

Very uncomfortable with the idea of her supporting you at the birth, particularly if you have a husband - boundary questions coming up all over the place. It makes me feel nervous that she has even suggested it.

 

[Meadowsweet]

Like others, it does seem strange for a therapist to suggest this. Is there any reason why she might have thought it would be best for you to have therapeutic support during birth? Perhaps to it more bluntly, do you have a history of becoming violent towards yourself or others when in a dissociated state? that's the only sensible reason I could come up with.

The other question I have, is whether your husband is supportive, and do you feel he is knowledgeable enough about PTSD to know how to support you by informing people that you may be dissociated and less responsive to them?

A mildly dissociated state is not a bad place to be during birth, it is perhaps normal. Just my own experience - I remained dissociated after the birth and I experienced fainting attacks that were said to be psychological shock. After my second child, I fainted and collapsed, and my midwife was irritated (sympathetically) that I hadn't told her i was feeling faint. the reason I hadn't told her is because I was very dissociated and in a different world. I think this is the time when it would have helped to have had someone there who noticed dissociation, and could reach in and call me back, and get me talking outwardly, rather than not realising I was shut off.

If you have a birth plan, it is perhaps worth noting the basics in there - that you experience anxiety, dissociation etc.

 

[GWhizz]

I agree with most of the above. While I have come to be really fond of my T, and trust her more than most ppl I know, birth is far too unpredictable and intimate an experience and would be crossing a boundary imo. She cannot be available at your call if she has other clients to be available for also. It is a nice idea in theory but not really practical. I'm also in the medical field and wouldn't think it ethical or professional. It's actually a red flag now the more I think about it

 

[Don't trip]

Paidfor,

I think you're sensing a boundary violation. My T is someone I emphatically trust and part of that trust has been built in establishing boundaries. I would feel not only really weird, but extremely uncomfortable if my T 'offered' to be present at such an intimate event.

Having had six children, four naturally, the dissociation from pain is normal. It sounds a little bit like your T framed it in a way that means there is something wrong with this. The dissociation I experienced with one of my births, was a beautiful experience. I felt no pain and was in 'observance' mode. Quite different from dissociation from a potential abuser.

Many blessings to you as you prepare!