NovemberStar
Platinum Member
@paidfor
I work in obstetrics. I have been with a few hundred women as they've given birth - I've just about seen it all. Amongst those women have been women with severe anxiety and / or abuse issues. What I've learned is that you can never tell who will cope on the day and who won't - I had one client I was sure would struggle - she had several major psych diagnoses (as in MAJOR - 4 different personality disorders including paranoid - as well as possible Munchausens by proxy!). She had also experienced a stillbirth a year earlier and reacted to his birth at the time of the birth in a way that screamed of severe sexual abuse (amongst other things, she was crawling up the bed terrified yelling at those present trying to help her). So this time around, she was facing another birth and obviously huge potential for her last traumatic birth (stillborn baby) to rear it's ugly head also. The previous time she had tried to have an epidural to cope with the pain but due to complications it was not effective at all. So she had had to feel all the pain.
An epidural this time was also not going to be possible (way her back was). So she was needing to prepare for a very emotionally and mentally draining birth, with next to no pain relief, on top of all the other mental issues she had.
And you know what? She COUNTED. She tapped her hand and slowly, but deliberately counted out loud during every contraction. At the height of the contraction, the pain would take her breath away - she wasn't able to talk BUT she still counted. As the contraction eased off, we would again hear her return to counting out loud.
And she got through the entire birth without even using laughing gas (entonox). She coped better than most other women AND it was a healing birth for her.
I'm. It trying to discount any fear or distress you might be feeling about giving birth - I shared this because I wanted you to know it's very possible to cope, even if you aren't sure you can.
What is most important is that you MUST tell yr doctor / midwife / obstetric nurse your fears, your mental health issues (and especially if it invokes previous sexual abuse). And make SURE they spend a LOT of time IN ADVANCE going through a comprehensive birth plan with you a few weeks before your baby is due.
It's important those present to support you are aware you might find birth triggers you.and y come u with a plan where you feel in control. It would help if you can identify what you DONT want as well as what you might find helpful.
I work in a country that has one if the best models of birth care (internationally it is heralded for its care so it's not just me being biased lol): midwives work one on one with all women. Obstetricians are involved if there are complications; otherwise you will have the midwife and a back up. Both of whom the woman will have met already, and who stay for the entire birth (unless it is over 24 hours long in which case your main midwife will go home while the back up comes in to take over yr care). It's also a partnership model not a medical model - which means the woman is in full control of all the decisions made. it leaves women feeling empowered; birth is something they do rather than something that is done to them.
The ENTIRE maternity system is set up with WOMEN at the CENTRE of all care - it's recognised that when it comes to making decisions for her and her baby, SHE is the one who BEST knows what will work for her and her needs. It's the job if us professionals in. Providing our care to give the woman and her family all the information they need to enable THEM to make fully informed decisions. It puts the woman as the expert and goes a huge way in taking away the massive power I balance inherent in a. Lot of other medical models of care.
The primary goal in our maternity system is to enable women to take control over their experience and to strive to enable them to feel empowered. Even when things don't go as expected.
If your living somewhere where it's whoever turns up on the day to support you to birth, it's even more important yr wishes are respected. Don't feel bullied into doing anything you don't feel ok with just because "it's hospital policy". Take it upon herself to read widely, research and know all the pro's and con's about all aspects of labour care and birth practices. Knowledge is power - so is YOU being the one to make the decisions. (I am not saying ignore advice given to y by midwives / doctors by the way - but I am saying if you're not sure about something or have doubts or want to try something different, then trust your gut and be assertive).
I think making a plan (but acknowledging it needs to be flexible because there are so many variations in labour and birth it's I possible to make a concrete plan!) and feeling heard by your carers will go a long way in helping you feel more in control of whatever happens on the day.
(And I'd definitely recommend the counting / tapping thing!!!). Preparing your MIND is as important as preparing yr body to labour. Fear makes pain worse - so if you can work hard in mentally relieving fear, you will be able to cope very well. It also helps to remember that labour is the exact opposite of an entire lifetime of training - in every other aspect of yr life, being intense pain like that means something is very wrong and you must get immediate help. BUT - labour pain is the exception - nothing is 'wrong' - the pain lets you know your baby is coming, it lets you prepare and gather things that would help - support people etc.
Think back to cave woman days - or when you're little and hurting - what helps? In cave women days women would gather other women to be with them when giving birth. They'd go to a quiet spot in the dark and be gentle and rock their bodies from side to side, and to know it was all ok - the pain had a purpose and would not last forever. When you're little and hurt it helps to have someone to rub the sore spot, have a cuddle, and be told you're loved and that you're safe. That is also what a labouring woman needs. Darkened space, quiet, calm, reassuring.
If you don't have access known caregivers in labour then try finding a doula to help you emotionally on the day. Far more appropriate than your T being there (unless she is a doula).
I work in obstetrics. I have been with a few hundred women as they've given birth - I've just about seen it all. Amongst those women have been women with severe anxiety and / or abuse issues. What I've learned is that you can never tell who will cope on the day and who won't - I had one client I was sure would struggle - she had several major psych diagnoses (as in MAJOR - 4 different personality disorders including paranoid - as well as possible Munchausens by proxy!). She had also experienced a stillbirth a year earlier and reacted to his birth at the time of the birth in a way that screamed of severe sexual abuse (amongst other things, she was crawling up the bed terrified yelling at those present trying to help her). So this time around, she was facing another birth and obviously huge potential for her last traumatic birth (stillborn baby) to rear it's ugly head also. The previous time she had tried to have an epidural to cope with the pain but due to complications it was not effective at all. So she had had to feel all the pain.
An epidural this time was also not going to be possible (way her back was). So she was needing to prepare for a very emotionally and mentally draining birth, with next to no pain relief, on top of all the other mental issues she had.
And you know what? She COUNTED. She tapped her hand and slowly, but deliberately counted out loud during every contraction. At the height of the contraction, the pain would take her breath away - she wasn't able to talk BUT she still counted. As the contraction eased off, we would again hear her return to counting out loud.
And she got through the entire birth without even using laughing gas (entonox). She coped better than most other women AND it was a healing birth for her.
I'm. It trying to discount any fear or distress you might be feeling about giving birth - I shared this because I wanted you to know it's very possible to cope, even if you aren't sure you can.
What is most important is that you MUST tell yr doctor / midwife / obstetric nurse your fears, your mental health issues (and especially if it invokes previous sexual abuse). And make SURE they spend a LOT of time IN ADVANCE going through a comprehensive birth plan with you a few weeks before your baby is due.
It's important those present to support you are aware you might find birth triggers you.and y come u with a plan where you feel in control. It would help if you can identify what you DONT want as well as what you might find helpful.
I work in a country that has one if the best models of birth care (internationally it is heralded for its care so it's not just me being biased lol): midwives work one on one with all women. Obstetricians are involved if there are complications; otherwise you will have the midwife and a back up. Both of whom the woman will have met already, and who stay for the entire birth (unless it is over 24 hours long in which case your main midwife will go home while the back up comes in to take over yr care). It's also a partnership model not a medical model - which means the woman is in full control of all the decisions made. it leaves women feeling empowered; birth is something they do rather than something that is done to them.
The ENTIRE maternity system is set up with WOMEN at the CENTRE of all care - it's recognised that when it comes to making decisions for her and her baby, SHE is the one who BEST knows what will work for her and her needs. It's the job if us professionals in. Providing our care to give the woman and her family all the information they need to enable THEM to make fully informed decisions. It puts the woman as the expert and goes a huge way in taking away the massive power I balance inherent in a. Lot of other medical models of care.
The primary goal in our maternity system is to enable women to take control over their experience and to strive to enable them to feel empowered. Even when things don't go as expected.
If your living somewhere where it's whoever turns up on the day to support you to birth, it's even more important yr wishes are respected. Don't feel bullied into doing anything you don't feel ok with just because "it's hospital policy". Take it upon herself to read widely, research and know all the pro's and con's about all aspects of labour care and birth practices. Knowledge is power - so is YOU being the one to make the decisions. (I am not saying ignore advice given to y by midwives / doctors by the way - but I am saying if you're not sure about something or have doubts or want to try something different, then trust your gut and be assertive).
I think making a plan (but acknowledging it needs to be flexible because there are so many variations in labour and birth it's I possible to make a concrete plan!) and feeling heard by your carers will go a long way in helping you feel more in control of whatever happens on the day.
(And I'd definitely recommend the counting / tapping thing!!!). Preparing your MIND is as important as preparing yr body to labour. Fear makes pain worse - so if you can work hard in mentally relieving fear, you will be able to cope very well. It also helps to remember that labour is the exact opposite of an entire lifetime of training - in every other aspect of yr life, being intense pain like that means something is very wrong and you must get immediate help. BUT - labour pain is the exception - nothing is 'wrong' - the pain lets you know your baby is coming, it lets you prepare and gather things that would help - support people etc.
Think back to cave woman days - or when you're little and hurting - what helps? In cave women days women would gather other women to be with them when giving birth. They'd go to a quiet spot in the dark and be gentle and rock their bodies from side to side, and to know it was all ok - the pain had a purpose and would not last forever. When you're little and hurt it helps to have someone to rub the sore spot, have a cuddle, and be told you're loved and that you're safe. That is also what a labouring woman needs. Darkened space, quiet, calm, reassuring.
If you don't have access known caregivers in labour then try finding a doula to help you emotionally on the day. Far more appropriate than your T being there (unless she is a doula).
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