DID What do your parts feel like?

[Shasta'sJourney]

My T says that I have dissociative parts. But she also says that I told her about them. Now I'm not sure. How do you tell the difference between what is normal and what is dissociative? I know that in session, I will sometimes "switch" into a teenager- angry, defiant, slouching, limited vocabulary. Other times, I just "blur out". My T notices it immediately nowadays (she's not a specialist in dissociation, but she's researching because of me). I also notice in certain situations that I'm acting "like a teenage boy", and in my mind, that's sort of the picture I have of myself (really a 30 year old woman). But I know who I really am. There is also a sexually dominating woman (normally I'm pretty avoidant of sex). But maybe it's just a mood change. I'll notice the changes and sort of wonder at them, but I always know it's me. I'm not sure if this is just how everyone normally operates, or if it really is dissociative. How do you all experience your parts?

 

[Shasta'sJourney]

One more thing, I often have the feeling that I'm bouncing from one idea to another so fast that I can't hang on to any of it. It's like I have several different opinions at the same time, and it get's really overwhelming. I'm also the artistic type, so maybe it's just related to that?

 

[EveHarrington]

Mood changed tend to be more on the realm of happy to sad to angry to scared to------- Mood changes don't tend to elicit different personas to come forward. (Does this help?)

 

[Sideways]

My experience of my parts is tied up with the emotional state of where that part is. Like, I become more aware of my little when she starts getting distressed about something, or I become more aware of one of my adult parts when they've become pissed off about something.

Once I switch there isn't any awareness at all. They take over, I don't remember anything until I'm back in control. That's still really scary for me.

I am getting better at being aware of when a switch is likely to happen, and getting myself grounded to prevent it. And I'm getting a lot better at internal dialogue, which I think is meant to be helping the system overall.

How does it "feel" is actually a really hard question to answer though. Because my parts 'feel' however they're feeling at any given time (they might be happy, sad, angry, etc). But when they take over, I don't 'feel' anything really - I just lose awareness completely...

 

[Leigh925]

My experience of my parts is tied up with the emotional state of where that part is. Like, I become more aware of my little when she starts getting distressed about something, or I become more aware of one of my adult parts when they've become pissed off about something.

I experience this as well. I can visualize my parts I know what they look like.....what they sound like...so I can see them but when I switch...I am looking out through their eyes...don't know if that makes sense.

I dont lose awareness completely. I can feel myself fading almost into a part. Through therapy all of my parts know about each other. Only one part doesn't know what the others do. I do forget sometimes what my therapist tells me when I am a certain part.

My parts have their own dreams or nightmaresn sometimes. I have had little dreams that were in cartoon.

I often feel dizzy or hung over after switching or being in tune with one part for too long. I have littles that like foods and candies the grown ups would never eat or like. I have clothes that certain parts prefer over others. I have music that different parts like My husband never really knew what was happening or picked up on it very much until we went to therapy and it was like a big light bulb went off in his head. Things made sense. Now he will look at me...he says my eyes are kind of fixed or glassed over or I look far away and he will get my attention.

Sometimes I dissociate and just feel floaty instead of feel ing like a part. It was helpful for me to draw them. At first it was disconcerting but I am learning a lot of helpful information that helps me cope without dissociation. I actually wasnt interested in integrating my parts I just wanted everyone to get along and the chaos of opposing thoughts in my head to go away. I need everybody to be on the same page!!! but I have had two little parts that integrated just kind of on their own as I dealt with stuff.

Sounds crazy to write this...but this is my experience

 

[Powder]

As a teen I felt the need to draw my dominant three adult aspects. I can't remember who was out who decided suddenly to do this exercise that would be "good for" me to do.

And I showed them to my mother. I have no memory of what I said to her other than to somehow indicate that the drawings had something to do with me.

All I remember is her frown.

I forgot about this memory.

I was in 8th grade.

Now I'm 38. It was in 2011 that I had a dream in which I showed up and was interacting with these same three people as we looked for my missing memories. Soon after I experienced an integration dream in which a guide and myself went around opening up the doors between the connected rooms that contain parts of my childhood. After that, I have had 5 years of flashbacks and parts from those years coming forward with their feelings and memories, some of which are painful, terrifying, and disturbing.

I experience layers upon layers. I have this kind of tripartite order. But then I have all kinds of fragments and little ones.

Within the teen years I have many created to cope. One was anorexic, another bulemic. I dream of them talking, and then I cannot eat for days. I forget the dream until I ask why I cannot eat and then I remember "they" were talking in my sleep and this got "decided for me" by them.

I am not very aware of my insides. Sometimes it really feels like I am.

Same about feeling worn out and that parts spill into me, push me to the background where I experience but cannot intervene. Or parts argue and I am paralyzed and loose time while I try to make it stop.

I woke up while a part was dreaming. It doesn't feel like "My" dream, and I feel groggy for a long time, almost drunk, when I wake up as I try to switch back on to me.

It's worse when I'm sick or tired.