What does a healthy attachment to a t look like?

[blackemerald1]

I don't know much about my Dr., & we both like it that way. I know when he's overworked, tired etc because I can see it & I tell him. I'm usually correct he laughs, agrees but we don't discuss his problems that would be odd.
He is very kind & professional & knows I do all sort's of silly stuff to avoid but he's got this way of planting a small thought seed in my brain & keep me trying to develop it myself. He knows I am fiercely independent & like to get myself to the place he's pointing because then I have actually made the change myself so it sticks (most times).
We have spoken about his retirement & what that might mean for me. I'm scared of this & I know we have to have more time on this subject.
I've had a few Ts over the year's most were disinterested d**head's. So I reckon I am lucky... this one was available. We know our place. I think he can tell without asking when I am off just by my behaviour. So he is quite skilled & I respect him. Would not be as well as I am without his treatment. He knows I need structure & he's helping me get there so one day I won't need him at all. I reckon when that happens he will know he's done a dam good job & we will be ready, & happy to say bye. I think that might be healthy... what do you all think?

 

[KwanYingirl]

I don’t think I’d recognize a healthy relationship if it hit me over the head. Understanding healthy relationships is part of my therapy. Along with all the other deficits I have. My gut tells me I am safe and respected by my t. He is a steady Eddie. When I am melting down and dissociating, he stays calm and gently brings me back to the present. Over and over and never with a hint of exasperation, he reminds me what trauma has done to me. And he always reminds me how much better I am compared to when we first met. It takes me a long time to trust and he understands trauma inside and out.
I feel very safe with him and he knows I’m holding back on breaking my silence about a few things that I just can’t say out loud. No pressure.
He shares a little about himself, but not his family or anything very personal. If I’m suicidal, he is ok with me emailing or calling on a weekend. He seems to magically know when I am really close to suicide.
And he encourages me to let other helpers of trauma victims help me. Yoga, reiki, massage therapy, singing bowls, meditation. He has a good sense of humor. Sometimes I ask him how can he work with such damaged people and he calmly reminds me that I am the one doing the hard part, he is a teacher, a cheerleader, a confidante, a resource.
He never insults me or acts fed up. But when time is up, he goes to his desk and makes my next appt. if I want to reveal something really overwhelming, he’ll set up a 2 hour session.
I guess to sum up, we each have a boundary. I don’t push him and he doesn’t push me. Mutual respect of the therapeutic setting.

 

[blackemerald1]

@KwanYingirl that sound's like a healthy relationship with your Psych to me. You are kicking goals!

 

[KerriJ]

I think I struggle with this as well. My last T I saw for 8 years, and she kinda "replaced" my grandma in my life. I became too attached and also stopped making progress in therapy.

I switched therapist about 6 or so months ago, and I felt like I was getting to a healthy relationship with him. I knew it was his job, and I distanced myself from trying to fix any of his stuff and what not. However, I was distant, kept him at arms length and I don't know if it's because I had some fear of abandonment or what. Well, last week, he announced that he is leaving the facility and not practicing. I think they said due to family issues or something. IDK. But now I get to go through the new T process all over again.

 

[Stephernovas]

I think my relationship with my therapist is quite healthy. We ensure our boundaries are clear. Yes she shares some personal stuff with me, but it's similar to a co-worker that you occasionally see. You don't really go into detail about anything, but share you're frustrated about something, or how well something else is going. Sometimes we get caught up taking about random things, but that's us just connecting as people. Sometimes we talk about preferences about a topic, or she will rant on about her children. She's told me that her co-workers don't even know her children/husbands name. I asked if I was allowed to know her husband's name (she shared her children's names before), but she declined. That's her boundary and I respected it. To me, I'm not being like "Oh, yes!! This means we are slowly becoming friends!" or whatever. It simply means that our ability to understand each other is increasing, therefore meaning my therapy will be that much better. If I ever saw her in public, I'd be more than comfortable giving a polite smile, a wave or even a quick 'hello' and allow both of us to continue our day.

Therapy is left in the office. When we are in public, my therapist is just another human being who I've seen around periodically. It's not like she's going to stop and call me out in public or something.

Actually come to think of it I think with other clients she may be more reserved with personal information, as she's made a comment to me before about how she's not supposed to share personal details with clients. She went on to say she feels it's helpful to do so to connect with clients better. Maybe she felt she was oversharing with me? I don't know. Either way I don't care. She's there to help me get through a trauma. Is she a cool person, yeah. Would I ever be friends with her? Sure, maybe one day. But right now my focus is not to make a friend. It's to heal from trauma. When that is your focus and you see the therapist as the helping professional to aid you with that, that is a healthy relationship.

 

[blackemerald1]

@KerriJ - sorry you are not getting stability with your t right now.
With a little luck & patience you will find a t that will help you & you will recognize what a healthy relationship with a psych means for you.
As I said in my post it took quite a few false starts till I found my Dr & the boundaries are there so I can learn to live eventually without needing therapy.

Your first t helped you go through grieving a substantial loss of a family member.. That is a big life experience to get through.

Your next t - well it sounds like it's good that has ended now rather than happening later when you are really in the trenches.

So keep your aim true & I am hoping your next t will help you much more.