What Does It Mean?!

[healingangel90]

I've recently started therapy (3 sessions in) and was asked if I have flashbacks and re-experience my trauma. I immediately said no thinking that re-experiencing was like hallucinating, but now that I think about it, I may be wrong. The traumatic event was child sexual abuse and when I think about the abuse or the abuser, I sometimes cringe and react kinda like how someone would if they were experiencing it at the time. The part that throws me off is that I am consciously aware that this really isn't taking place right now. It's just like a very strong memory. Is this a form of re-experiencing or just a response to an intense memory?

And also, since I've started therapy, I feel like I've taken out all of the emotion of talking about my problems. I've been having a really hard time feeling the pain that I know I usually would when talking about these things. I constantly feel the need to cry, but I just can't. Is this normal?

Any feedback would be really appreciated!

 

[Srain]

This is something I find frustrating when I'm in therapy, for myself, when I do it. The "lack of emotion". I've actually told the "story" over and over and it's sickening but she needs to know it. After 3 sessions I wouldn't worry that much about it but I might bring it to your tdoc. I found rewriting has helped me to look at exactly what is my story.

The sense of hallucinating seems to go on with me more and more as I get deeper into my therapy which use to scare me until we discussed it at length and I have been learning to ground myself into understanding what, where, and why. Sometimes it's nothing but sometimes there is a stressor going on that is important for me to note or discuss. If it happens in therapy we address it.

I hope this makes sense,
take care,
peace,
Rain

 

[healingangel90]

Thanks a lot Rain. I think I'll try to write it down and see if that helps me at all. I'm getting the sense that things are getting worse with me since I started therapy but I think it may be because I'm finally exploring all of these feelings? Not so sure because it's all still pretty new for me, but thank you for your reply!