What does safety mean to you?

[blackemerald1]

in a constant state of “the world is NOT safe” - that’s pretty much ptsd in a nutshell

feels like is a bit like knowing what walking on the moon.

How I’m feeling doesn’t affect reality, it affects how I deal with reality, and the world I shape around myself.

I agree with all of the above. :)

especially psychologically safe

And.. then I read this. What do you mean by psychologically safe?

 

[Tinyflame]

Maybe survivors have attached to much meaning to the concept of safety and it’s become too high of a standard to meet

Well, it's a necessity for my ability to get through life. But, my responsibility, in many ways: affected by my thoughts, beliefs and choices.

To feel safe - especially psychologically safe - what does it feel like? That is my question.

For me, the interior place in my mind and heart I can relax in safety.

And without doubt or second guessing or analysis” - very well said. That is the hard part for me.

I think (for me) it is my choice, my part. And I base it on facts and assurance.

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

Hi everyone. I’m struggling with the concept of safety. I’m a CSA survivor who endured multiple forms of childhood abuse for many years with different parents and caregivers. Perhaps I have never felt safe to understand what it feels like. What I’m wondering is if you do not feel unsafe, does that automatically make you feel safe? Or is there something additional that makes for safety - something definable in its own right beyond not feeling unsafe. What does safety mean to you and feel like? And has it evolved for you over time in your healing? Thank you!

I know for me, safe means many things, for one I never feel safe with the world around me ever, as we termed it, my trust where it exists is based on fear not faith as it should be.

But then there is the safe that most think about including clinicians, and that is are we a potential harm to ourselves or others.

Both are important, as in the later the goal is to learn new coping skills to be safer, or exist feeling unsafe with oneself without acting out on being unsafe. It's taken me decades to be able to do that, today I at least enjoy a relationship with both my therapist, and my psychiatrist where I can tell them I feel suicidal and I am not automatically put in the hospital, instead today the answer would be "what's your plan to manage this?", the point is instead of control being taken in response it is given to me in the form of being responsible for how I feel and knowing and asking for what I need to not act on my feeling unsafe. In fact this has been tested already, and it's something that the entire treatment team expects from me. We all progress with this aspect of safety in our own unique ways, this is mine, and I am sure if not already you will have a path like it that is unique to your needs.

For me this only came from wanting to be trusted when unsafe and have choices instead of not being trusted by default and having choices taken away or imposed on me out of caution on the side of safety. For 4 decades I spent being involuntarily hospitalized over and over and having the process forced upon me. This time when I re-entered therapy in 2016 I made a conscious decision I wanted things to be different, that I wanted to trusted to do the right things and/or get the help I need as well as express what I need if I can.

As for feeling safe with the world around me, that is more difficult, as the above comes from demonstrating you can be trusted to feel unsafe with yourself without acting out impulsively, and building that trust in you with clinicians. While dealing with feeling unsafe with the world around me may involve new coping skills, to a great degree feeling better about the safety of the world around me can only come from hard painful work in therapy. For me that is involving feeling the emotions I have suppressed for 4 decades much of it painful. Sometimes its harder than the trauma itself, as it involves reliving the trauma again but with the emotions, so I can process it, feel it, come to a resolve, and move on. Sort of like the same process when a loved one dies, first were numb, the we have the emotions, we accept, and we move on.

It's a process that scares me to no end, like walking into a battle field with no armor or weapons. That's how vulnerable I feel.
But I know for me its the only path that I can heal. Confronting my trauma is the only way I can move past it. This is what my therapist believes, and and I agree with her. I should note that my therapist unlike most has trauma herself, has self-harmed, and has been an inpatient of a psych ward (same one i have been on twice) before she got her credentials. So she understands better than most therapist.

What big difference between my trauma and my confronting it is that both are mentally painful, the trauma was forced on me and I had no control over what happened to me, where confronting it is by choice and I have control over the process.

 

[frogthroat]

Safe to me means that no matter the circumstance I'm my own temple and I choose what my mindset is to the best of my ability.

 

[DharmaGirl]

I don't know what safety feels like. Maybe I do. When my son and I are out working around the chickens with the dogs outside, I feel safe. I feel safe knowing my friend across the street likes me. I feel safe knowing my Australian friends like me. I guess my safe feeling comes from thinking people don't want to harm me.

I will come back and read this thread some more, it is a really good one.

 

[MrMoonlight]

Safety, I never thought to analyze what it means to me. My first thought was isolation but that's not a reasonable life strategy that I want to encourage for myself.

 

[DharmaGirl]

I feel safe here, on this website. There are so many kind, compassionate people, that the occasional bad spot that comes up doesn't wreck havoc on my psyche. So safety is being amongst kind and compassionate people. Safe is making plans for the future. Safe is planting seeds in the greenhouse things. Safe is hatching eggs so I have laying hens. Safe is having enough money to pay the bills, and maybe buy some colored pencils or coloring books. Safe is knowing that the sale of eggs covers the chicken feed, treats, dog food and treats. I'm safe right now.

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

I feel safer at this website, generally I never feel safe, it's hard to feel safe in a world where even the laws that are supposed to protect me and others from abuse are willfully ignored by those who by federal and state law are mandated to be the entity responsible for taking abuse reports and investigating them. When during extreme abuse and torture (some of my abuse meets the international definition), there was no one literally I could go to for help (any entity would report to the agency that allowed the abuse to continue), and in fact I did go to an outside entity only to be returned and to face more abuse.

Feeling safe with the world around me is my number 1 problem. I am only safe within the bubble of existence I create and am comfortable with, and that is an uncertain existence.

Its an issue I am working on.

My number one goal is and has been for some time.

To feel safe in this world to the same degree most of the world feels safe. Not feeling safe with my surroundings is draining, and is a miserable way to exist, that provides for a poor quality of life.

 

[Rani G2]

For me its Isolation, but I dont think I can trust that idea.

I'm wondering if its possible /For me(cannot generalize) To have an idea of "safety" when safety wasnt ever truly felt/experienced. There are dissociative parts who are still stuck in those trauma time lines. One caregiver probably tried to kill me as a child.. so I didnt feel safe for a long time.
The "new" experience of feeling safe needs to be learned and integrated.

 

[DharmaGirl]

I was thinking the same thing @PURUSHA, I wonder do I ever feel really safe? Today, after a long nightmare, I don't feel safe even here. Being here calms me down, but I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop.

 

[Rani G2]

Today, after a long nightmare, I don't feel safe even here. Being here calms me down, but I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Similar situation here @DharmaGirl. I might put my head on the floor and listen to music.. let’s see if that works ;-)

 

[DharmaGirl]

I hope so! I still have my retired service dog and she comforts me. She barked until I woke up from the nightmare. Good girl.