What Does The Therapist Get Out Of It?

[sonickel77]

Greetings
I am anxiously awaiting the first T appointment in 8 months, and once again am questioning his motivations for even being in the business in the first place. This T has degrees in Arts (Philosophy), Science, Medicine and Psychiatry. He's in his late 30s, so has been in uni most of his life. I reckon he may have come to the field of trauma therapy via his intellectual interest in Existentialism and his quest for the meaning of life, and how everything works.

Hence he is intensely intellectually curious, but does he have a heart?
Some things point in that direction. Although I experience him as cold and utterly professional in the sessions, analysing my thoughts, I did remember looking up and seeing looks of concern and empathy on his face.
I don't think one can go into this line of work undamaged though, so has he experienced anything really in his life that would really give him empathy at all?

Not sure even why I care. But I am resistant to opening my heart up to someone who cannot care and is only in it for the money.
Any thoughts?

 

[Iam]

Good questions Sonickle77.

I know that my T is very professional as well....the only emotion I have seen him display is ""glee when something tickles him. Other than that he is extremely even keel. He will tell me that what happened to me is wrong...but he doesn't seem sad or angry. He tells me that he "only has compassion and respect for my courageous journey." I take him at his word and I trust him implicitly. I am a very controlled person emotionally and get a overwhelmed at great displays of emotion. I figure he is even keel because he feels that is what I need.

He has also told me that any good therapist has gone thru lots of therapy to work thru their own "stuff". To tell you the truth, I really don't want to know what that stuff is. I'm afraid it would make me question his knowledge or motivation more. I need him to be there for me and use his experience to help me figure things out. That being said, I know that within the last couple of weeks I am wishing he showed some anger or sadness at what had been done to me. Not sure why I am wanting this right now. Regardless of whether he does that or not, there is a connection and I trust him. And I think that is the key.

I did ask him once why he went into counseling. You might want to ask your T that same question. If you are thinking of staying with him you might want to let him know what your concerns are. You have to be able to share things like that if you are going to have a good working relationship. Try letting him know how you feel. His response will let you know if you should stay with him or find someone else.

 

[sonickel77]

Went to see T today. Horribly anxious about seeing him again. But it was really nothing to worry about.
Even though he was wearing a full suit (a nice one too), tie, and the ubiquitous cufflinks, I didn't perceive him as cold and professional this time. He'd taken the time to read through his case notes, and asked me questions about my life, the people in it, what was going on between them and me. Also, he seemed to think that I was just going through a bad time right now, and that I was managing pretty well on my own for the several months I didn't see him.

It's not clear whether we'll do the whole once a week intense psychotherapy thing again. It's an option but he's just playing it by ear for now, in case my current distress is just because of certain triggers popping up again, which will abate in time.

I am concerned about my recurrent emotional flashbacks being triggered by outside events, though, and how this is jeopardising me moving on with my life in so many ways. And sabotaging my efforts to become a "skilled helper" in the psychological arts (eg social work).

Oh, and I could actually look at him for most of the session!
Maybe I am doing better than before. And I don't think it's just the Serapax that's making me feel better either....

 

[Iam]

That's great news Sonickle77! I was anxious about my therapy all week and the session went well as usual. I need to stop fretting about them so much. Maybe tell myself that the session will bring positive results and tell myself to look forward to it.

 

[Lucycat]

This thread has, for some reason, amused me. I don't know why my T. does what he does either. I just know he does it well! I trust him and I feel we work well together. However I had been seeing him for some weeks when I suddenly looked at him in one session and thought ' oh he's got hair!' I managed not to say anything, but up to that point would have told anyone that asked that he is bald. He is not. Admittedly he does not have a lot of hair, but it is quite simply that I had avoided looking at him for more than a glance as he entered the room to see where he sat.

Yesterday was actually the first therapy session when I have not been pacing with anxiety beforehand. I was totally relaxed about it all. I guess I am simply in a good place just now. I hope it stays that way...

 

[Tinyflame]

I think they get paid and work in their (hopefully) chosen field.

 

[Artista]

I asked my T at one point and she said, she has always felt it an honor to help people and to share in them finding themselves and their strengths. She had always felt this was what she could contribute in her life, to others. She is very good at what she does. Loyal. Safe. Knowledgeable and non-judgmental.

I can tell she keeps up with what's the latest research and never stops learning and is curious herself about what works and why. Plus, she REALLY listens... I rarely have to remind her of something I said. That is a comfort and reassures me she does listen well and is invested in my healing, not just more weeks outta me for money. She knows me and encourages my successes without ever patronizing me. She knows what to poke at, but not in a bad way. An excellent "pacer" NOT a pusher!! Following my cues of comfort. I wish everyone could have a T who is in tune to them. I feel fortunate.

I applaud all good Ts who are in it for the RIGHT reasons. In any health concern, THAT is how it SHOULD be!!!

 

[Tinyflame]

Ya, I guess like any other field the degree of expertise, dedication and motivations vary.

 

[Iam]

Same here Artista! A good therapist is worth every penny we spend.

 

[kers]

I've not asked my therapist this, but from the way he interacts with me and the things he's said, I think it makes him feel good to connect to people and help them feel better. I think he enjoys the challenge of figuring out how best to do that with each individual. I can tell he's invested in my recovery because when I accomplish something or change my thinking or behavior in a positive way, he gets really excited.

 

[sonickel77]

...and possible transference reactions

greetings
a few hours after the session ended, I started again thinking of him as cold, bored and uncaring, and latched onto any reason at all why that was the case.

eg he said bye in a distracted way and started writing up my case notes before I left
The recap - just studying his notes like a good med student?
A really formal way of dressing - what does that mean? that he thinks he's superior?
Propping his head up and crossing his legs defensively - bored and anxious?
"Playing it by ear" - does he not want to deal with me anymore?

On one level I know I am overreacting but how much, and is there reality in my perceptions?
help

 

[Tinyflame]

I may be way off base here but not withstanding the fact that you have to feel some degree of trust and ease, well, at least that your choice of a therapist is a good fit for you and is empathetic, and skilled, this is a professional interaction, so to speak, and you are paying your money to pay for it.

Does it matter what he feels? Even if he did feel any of those things perhaps they have nothing to do with you. Who can surmise?
-JMHO