I read this thread earlier this week and couldn't think of how my therapist does it, even though I know he does. This week, in therapy, he asked me about a previous therapist I saw several years ago. After the appointment I remembered something about the old therapist that I think speaks to this post.
I went in there incredibly anxious. I was still with my now ex-husband, he was in jail, and I was terrified about what would happen when he got out of jail. I went in to see old-therapist trembling, crying, not just trembling hands, but even my legs were shaking. Anyway, he seemed completely taken aback by my intense fear and clearly didn't know how to handle that. He just kept putting his hands up, like to indicate I should stop.
What I realized after this week's therapy appointment is that after that therapist reacted how he did, I worked a lot harder not to let that much feeling out in therapy or anywhere for that matter. I just knew that I'm too much, my feelings are too much for me and those around me.
A few times I've been upset seeing me current therapist - not as upset as above because I won't let those feelings out. Whenever he sees even a little bit of emotion though, or if I'm starting to cry or look like I might, he reminds me that it's ok. I don't know how many times he's said it's ok if I cry. Or when I'm frustrated or nervous he's constantly telling me that it's ok. His tone of voice changes with my emotional state. If I'm crying, sad, solemn, he gets quieter, gentler almost.
I don't know, I guess it's still hard to explain. But I think they do that by reminding us that what we are feeling is ok, but also if intense feelings do come out, not over-reacting with us or getting overwhelmed.
