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What Improvements Have You Made?

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I really like what lionheart said but i am on the path. Not quite up to full rock and roll. But then, in January, I was upto putting a load of washing on and maybe cooking a meal. Some days. I reckon that looking back on the very bleak days casts some seriously splendid light on the here and now. I'm not upto Motorhead standards. Not yet. But I will be.
 
I have finally realized tht when my world gets all cluttered with stuff I have not put away and the coffee table is covered with crap it represents the condition my mind is in at the time.

I am currently trying to declutter my mind while putting all the crap on the coffee table back where it belongs.
 
I really like what lionheart said but i am on the path. Not quite up to full rock and roll. I'm not upto Motorhead standards. Not yet. But I will be.

I am sure you'll be like Metallica and Motorhead before you know it. Sometimes it's just a matter of comparing those darkest days to what we are like now. So please don't forget, ...........you RAAWK!!!! :occasion:

cheers,
~Lewie~
 
Well, I still can't believe that I was able to deal with that issue which caused me so much anxiety over the past 2 years. It is like being here, has given me the courage to deal with what I can. I was able to completely rid myself of what this person had done, his words can no longer hurt me, like they had back then.

I ate too much last night, probably trying to fill that void, but today, I realized I couldn't keep that up. Went to the store and bought, what I like, but it was healthy, except for some chocolate which I still need to comfort me.
 
This is a wonderful thread, thank you Nicolette. I am no longer a basket case. I was so desperate I was talking about my problems to anyone who would listen. I had to go through alot of painful and costly learning experiences.

I do not talk about my ptsd with people anymore. I live life as a human being the same as the person next to me. I keep what is private , private now. I only discuss this with safe others who have been there. I am not triggered like I was. I am beginning to feel my feelings. I still can not cry but I am leaking tears more and more.

I do not have nightmares like I did. I sleep through the night. I get a good nights sleep. I am doind emdr. For me this is a giant step.

Life is more than my illness. I am having a hard day today, but I am still being positive. Life is improving overall. I feel better counting the good things that have happened.
 
  • Until I was 22 years old, I didn't even know I'd been abused. I thought there was something wrong with me.
  • After I remembered some abuse, I didn't know that it was as bad as it was. I thought it explained what was wrong with me, and thought my family would forgive me for being such a difficult child when I told them about it.
  • At 32, I started remembering that my family knew about the abuse when I was a child. I couldn't write my own story. I was too afraid to speak it out loud too.
  • For the next 6 years, I paced the floor constantly, imagining arguments with my family and reliving memories from my childhood, connecting those memories to what I was experiencing from my family in the recent past.
  • Three years ago, I felt like I was ready to return to the workplace. I was heavily distracted by coworkers discussing their families, and by gossiping about people around town. I was able to write my own story and tell it, without flipping out.
  • Last year, I quit my job and found this website a few months later. Since then, I've begun to understand PTSD, and how it was affecting me at work. I have recently been able to write what it is like for me to live with PTSD.
 
I was thinking about the time when I wanted the walls in my home painted. I remember how this friend told me that I had to buy the paint at a certain place. When the ladies showed up who were going to do the painting, they told me that they bought their paint at another place, which was okay by me.

I remember how much anguish I put myself through, with just going over how I was going to tell this person, that I didn't listen to her, I made my own choice.

Eventually, the news came out, and it was like I had to explain "why" the paint wasn't going to be brought there.

Just a little thing, but it took up so much energy, and I'm sure I remembered it for a reason, and how I allowed someone so controlling to take over. I eventually did end this friendship.
 
Hmmm. Thinking. Since being here, I have been able to be or go to places alone without anxiety attacks. I now have a basic understanding of my triggers and can recognize them and also manage them at least two thirds of the time. My general anxiety level has improved. My relationships with my husband and both my mom and mother in law have improved (but I still have some work to do). I have become more comfortable with the idea that PTSD is just a part of who I am... and with the support and people here, I've been able to learn stress reducing and coping tools to uses for difficult times. I'm not complicating things as much, if I hit a rough patch I am much more ready to change some things to accomidate it instead of hitting the brick wall.
 
I got triggered yesterday. It always seems to happen when I am very happy and feeling good. I got triggered into bad feelings, and I was scared. I had to keep telling myself that I was just triggered. Even though the bad feelings persisted, I eventually overcame them. I hate it when that happens, but I successfully overcame it. I am proud of myself.

I sure am beginning to feel my feelings; I have been emotionally numb for so long. It has to be the emdr that is doing this. I am having success in my life, so that is my improvement. I was able to reassure my little girl inside. I wonder if this is why I had anxiety today? It makes sense to me.
 
Just for fun,:p;):D I am making a big improvement in my life, instead of going to McDonalds we are going to the new Taco Bell for tacos tonight. We are going to go really soon. It has been crowded and busy all day. They just finished buiding it and opened up today. So many of us have been waiting for them to open up.:cool:
 
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