What Improvements Have You Made?

[Deleted member 14359]

Great thread - focusing on the positives!

• Get through the day without hitting the toilet floor, coming round to find my supervisor at my side
• Go to counselling on my own
• Wrire down everything that happened to me
• Wore a dress - once
• Do not think about suicide
• Sleep a little better
• Eat loads better
• Recognise I can not do this on my own
• Ask for help - a tiny bit

 

[^^FlyingSolo^^]

I never thought I'd be reporting this but my sleeping has improved. :tup::x3:

 

[scared]

I know we get all caught up in the terrible time PTSD causes and how it is so debilitating so I thought we should take the time to acknowledge what improvements have been made. Even little things count.

How are you coping better, what are you doing better, how is your pain less, anything?

The first step is finding this site and realizing that we are not alone in what we are going through. That is really nice to know. I just joined yesterday and read what people said and realized that we are going through the same symptoms, but different traumas so we are connected by the symptoms that we are going through.This is so unbelievable to me.

I still have the happy go lucky friends that I had before the trauma who cannot begin to understand me or my situation, nor do they want to begin to understand what I tell them. I know most people don't even want to talk about it. I am the opposite of most. This really upsets my friends when I try to talk to them. It seems that It is just too painful for them. They are not numb like I am. I know if my friends had my problem they would not want to talk about it at all since it is way too upsetting.They would shut down like most people would. I guess I am weird and different in that way. I feel that what happened to my mom needs to be kept alive no matter how scary it is too talk about.

I just stay by myself and with my animals because my animals do understand all of my pain.They comfort me when they see how much I am suffering.They are amazing. I want to learn how not to be so obsessed over what happened. I cant begin to let go of the pain. It just is not working for me. There is way too much guilt and anger to let go of and it will not happen.

I can be numb when I talk about it but I cant bare to look at any of my fav pics of my mom or actually see the flashbacks since those are also pics that are in my mind. I'm not numb when it comes to that.When I try to look at my favorite pics of my mom all I have is the anger toward the people that took her life and the terrible guilt of letting her down in the worst way possible by not saving her. One day I hope that I will able to deal with the obsession better but now I think first I have to figure out how to deal with all the guilt of me not being able to save my mom from the horrible monsters that caused her so much anguish, pain, and then took her life. Wherever she is I hope she can see everything that I write to her.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Scared, I am so sorry you have so much pain and anguish and grief. You have suffered and endured so much already. I am sorry for the death of your mom. I am sad that you are in so much pain. I hope that you will begin to feel better as you sort all of this out with your therapist. You are human and fragile. Please take good care of you. My heart goes out to you. Keep on getting it out of you. Mabe you might consider doing a trauma diary here when you are ready. I have found it to be really helpful in sorting things out and getting a fresh perspective. Take care, hugs.

 

[scared]

Thank you so much for the support Gizmo.

 

[Jen93]

I uncovered more of my trauma- I learned that it was not simple PTSD but complex.

I got the courage to ditch my therapist and go to a different one. (Follow up intake session next week!)

I understand why I don't know where I am or who I am with sometimes, it's called "dissociation."

I am working on getting out of denial with my definition of abuse- trying to reconstruct my definition as it SHOULD be, not how it is stereotypically thought of- which would actually peg me as a normal kid and not an abused child.

I am understanding that my trauma WAS trauma- just because it's not typically the first thing that is thought of with the word "trauma" doesn't mean it wasn't traumatic, or that I'm overreacting or too sensitive, it would be hard on a lot of people, and I shouldn't think of myself as less than anybody else because I don't think that what happened to me shouldn't count as "trauma".

I am more willing to attempt to process it through the use of my trauma diary; even if it isn't very consistent, at least I'm writing in it, and that's a start. Made a bit of a dent, more like a crack in a china cup, small, but soon it will turn into a crack, and then break a piece off, and then I hope maybe in a year, the cup will be smashed completely.

 

[fairywings]

I started writing here. I was very afraid after the first post but then I felt a little lighter and I posted more! And felt even better. Hoping to keep this going:)

 

[Froggie]

Getting out of isolation and socializing more.

 

[heidi]

I feel like I'm way behind everyone here. I guess I'm better somewhat overall. I'm understanding that I need to have less stress. I have a better handle on what makes things worse and what makes things better. I think I have fewer desperate days.

 

[Ice_Fire]

I'm talking about my trauma, here mainly, but I'm opening up to my T more too. I'm not self harming and I haven't felt suicidal for a while.

I've reduced how often I see my dad.
:tup:

 

[shell]

This is a really good thread.

I no longer allow my parents to have any part in my life.

I have accepted the truth, when I didn't want to believe the flashbacks.

I sleep better, and no longer have flashbacks every night.

I talk more to my husband, and have stopped hiding the truth from him.

I now refuse to take the blame for making them abuse me.

I think more about why I react the way I do, when the reaction is not in proportion to the incident.

I am learning to understand myself.

 

[Srain]

As I was reading through how far everyone has come I was thinking that I have sadly just come out of an extremely rough time - AGAIN! :( However, the difference between me now and just one short year again and my life prior is that rage and need to be on-guard has lessened so incredibly. It's not that I haven't felt in control of it before but more and more time I don't feel fear it could pop up over take me without my permission, this is a first in my life. I also don't feel as powerless without.

I am seeing my brothers and mother in a different light, each differently, as time goes on. I have drawn boundaries and know who to step back from, thankfully I am no stranger to backing off, and taking my space from them, it's how I'm doing it now that's different.

Another big change is that I came back here and let you all know just how bad it's been for me this last Winter and Spring with the depression feeding off the pain and SI thoughts, fearful that I didn't belong anymore only to realize that I do still fit in here. I didn't book and run to figure where to go now, old lifelong pattern.

Great thread, Nicolette! Thank you,
Rain