What is love to you?

[EveHarrington]

To me, Love is an action.

It’s so easy for someone to say they love you, but I say follow their actions, not their words.

I mean how many of us have been told “I love you” as a form of manipulation? Only to be used and then thrown away?

Just be careful when someone says “I love you” in a romantic relationship. Many people confuse “in love” with real love. “In love” is that chemical infatuation feeling. Real love is much deeper. It’s very much possible for both to exist at the same time, but much of the time they do not. (Many, MANY people don’t understand that there is a difference.)

Want to hear how naive I am? Really, I must laugh! I thought I had no idea what “in Love” was.... I thought I’d never felt that feeling before. I thought it was this incredibly awesome feeling that I never had the privilege to feel. WRONG! I recently came to the realization (after much research) that I’d felt that chemical “in love” feeling many times before. I’ve always known what real love is because once I love someone, I always have love for them even if they aren’t in my life anymore. Just how I am. So now that I know I have felt “in love” and real love, I feel like I’ve been screwed! I’ve been waiting for a pie in the sky emotion that doesn’t exist! Plus, it’s the cruelest joke in the whole wide world to be told “I love you” when it’s just that chemical infatuation crap.... How many times have I been told “I love you” when it was just chemical? God only knows. I’m bitter on relationships right now because I can’t go through another episode with some dumb ass guy who thinks the chemical feeling is real love. (It isn’t.)

Sorry for my mega tangent. Just don’t confuse “in love” with real love and you’ll be ahead of the game.

 

[joeylittle]

Each time I try I end up with a panic attack and then unwanted thoughts and urges and what not from the past.

Do you work through these thoughts? What do you do?

It’s often extremely uncomfortable to challenge our fears, but it’s also worth it. Try and stay focused on the task of just googling. Looking for it doesn’t mean you are doing it - it doesn’t mean anything, it’s just a neutral action.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Do you work through these thoughts? What do you do?

Stop googling and distract. It pretty intense and so I haven't been able to work through them. My therapist may have some ideas on how to do that on Wed.

It’s often extremely uncomfortable to challenge our fears, but it’s also worth it. Try and stay focused on the task of just googling. Looking for it doesn’t mean you are doing it - it doesn’t mean anything, it’s just a neutral action.

Good idea. Thank you!

 

[joeylittle]

My therapist may have some ideas on how to do that on Wed.

I encourage you to bring this up, definitely. The DBT area of emotional regulation would be great for you to be moving into - distress tolerance skills (like distraction) are important, but they don’t make a contribution towards improvement. Emotion Regulation is more advanced (you need good distress tolerance skills in place, which you seem to have), and is what will empower you to change the intensity of your emotional response. It will help with anger as well as fear.

 

[Lionheart]

The following are just my thoughts and beliefs;

I believe love, ... true love, is a lifestyle, an action, and an attitude that starts with oneself and radiates outwardly towards the world and others.

I tend to look at it like this: I don't believe I am here to "get" love, but rather I am here to be a source of love...it is an internal "setting" of sorts that must start with love towards ourselves. I am of love...to my mind, love is what I am made of.

Love is a very powerful force, but it is also a very maligned and misused word. I don't like it that someone can say they love me and then say that they also "love" pizza, in the next sentence, because they mean two totally different things.

I also do not understand how a person can say they 'love' someone then treat them worse than they would a total stranger. Love can mean many things to many people, however, as a rule, I believe that if it doesn't include respect and kindness that it shouldn't be called love!

Some people have a physical attraction to another and call that love, while others are emotionally fond of another and call that love, so it is easy to understand why it would be confusing to a person. I think it is most important that two people discuss together what love means to them when getting involved with one another.
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[Changing4Best]

Caring about someone and their needs, caring about what is important to them, listening to them, not being jealous of their other relationships, being patient, being kind, being generous, not demanding one's own way, not being boastful or proud, being interested in their lives and what interests them (not just one's own interests), wanting them to be happy, wanting what is best for them, sticking up for them, supporting them.... there is so much more to it, but this is a start.

 

[Changing4Best]

PS. I was thinking also that love is NOT hogging the remote. One needs to be willing to watch (within reason) what the other person is watching. There needs to be a certain amount of respect in this too. If one is with the remote that day or evening, one needs to think about what the other person likes and does not like to watch when one chooses a program. If you don't know, ask! (Also the person may not want to watch, but would rather listen to something, or go out for a walk, etc.).