Yes, Idk. The less-self and recognizing cognitive distortions is good and necessary, and takes work. I think it's easier to start with your own nature, because it isn't as difficult. I find it easier to give a more generous explanation, and others as a motivator is easier. Life has taught me Idk what other people are dealing with. But the downside to battle is that conversely, I am afraid and my own history teaches me not to invest. And my own history has taught me I'm not worth others investing in. So I don't quite get how to still give always the most generous explanation and still honor what other people want, as not everyone is going to be blatantly dismissive. So it's hard to know if they aren't direct. And so Idk what feelings to have, or when I have negative ones I do not know if I'm not giving enough empathy or benefit of the doubt. And just as equally if I do give more empathy whether I'm not 'getting the message'. As in, I feel ultimately actually kind of happy/ relief if I know where I stand in some ways, but then I also feel badly, and feel badly have I been judgemental to think so, am I accurate or inaccurate? And then, if I do ultimately feel badly, what it matters? Because I'm not sure when it affects only me, what it matters how I feel? (I mean that quite literally.) And some things are just too painful to be around, negative things but also positive ones, eg family when you are not welcome, or those who don't understand the vulnerability or trauma. And yet, too, thinking consumed with any of the above sadness or hurt is- boring to me, actually. And rife with cognitive distortions if I feed it. But the consequence of not thinking at all, is not feeling. And that's a monster of it's own if left to grow. I am pretty soft hearted (I think) but not also one to share or ask, so I don't want to become totally numb, but I don't really fit in aggressive or competitive or callous or exclusive environments and feel ok inside.does sound like some pretty extreme negation of one's own feelings though?
^^ I was thinking later, should have said, "You don't like shop talk, or interupting your movie when I walk in the door and say hello? Well I don't like when you get drunk, pick me up and stick your finger up my as*". But of course, neither the time, nor the place, nor the environment, nor the importance of what 'was' going on at the moment. Am I'm not there to fight. But there I was, apologizing. Wow. I am a jerk (not the word I'd use).I'm sure the critic you refer to is perfect
I'm so sorryWell I don't like when you get drunk, pick me up and stick your finger up my as*"
You aren't, like I too have an inner critic that tells me nice stuff like that, but it isn't how I would ever think of anyone else in my situation. Like I'm sure you wouldn't think me a jerk for apologising to my abuser?But there I was, apologizing. Wow. I am a jerk (not the word I'd use).
The same has been true for me most of my life. Growing up it wasn't safe to stick up for myself or call bullshit. It just wasn't.Not me, I trust or feel badly. What a fool.
Yes absolutely, same here. I've been so effing good at being surrounded by mostly only awful people.Starting to think, it's not me being judgemental, some people are not kind, or nice, or honest, or even above board. Let alone give a sh*t. And that's it for me and my heart.