What Is On Your Mind Right This Second?

[Tinyflame]

Mind you not 10 minutes later, I overheard a person I know say, "She is sweet sweet sweet a sweet sweet heart". So some are kind, too.

I was talking with a friend too and we both said, isolation is making us nuts, not good. And it's like, why bother. Imp though, not to avoid, and even more so if much negative is occurring , or subject to.

 

[Tinyflame]

It would have been my mom's birthday.

 

[Lionheart]

Astronomers have found two hidden galaxies at the edge of space and time and I am wondering what is just beyond that???

 

[Tinyflame]

Idk @Lionheart , but if you believe in God I once read space is Jesus' back yard. I once asked my mom if there were aliens, and what did the Bible say? She said Maybe?, it doesn't say one way or the other.

The 2 Michaels released from prison in China. And those left behind.

I sought out words, to try to feel better internally, and read the words because we are valued we are welcomed and included. Unfortunately, it was from where I am unwelcome and excluded, so what does that say about my value? Ugh. I used to think words were just triggers , but I guess sometimes it's just because they don't match reallity, and that reinforces painfulness. They are only meant as sweeping generalizations anyway, or relevant to particular populations, wrong place to look for actual hope or lifelines. I am not going to try so hard to feel better inside.

I hope I can sleep a bit. Much ahead today. Feel like a split personality between how I have to look and what I'll do and the energy I need versus how I feel and what I'm thinking. At least, at this moment.

 

[Tinyflame]

I think I will choose to be joyful. And thankful. I have no energy for thought, little control over surroundings, and grief is within me, anyway, and the past is over. It's not the first time I've been wrong. I've been wrong about a lot of things.

 

[Tinyflame]

A guy who's brought me much grief went out of his way to thank me today for saving him from great injury or worse on thursday. Which I think was not to that degree, but still. Ironic.

Mind you, he outweighs me by 3x+, so good thing I ate my Wheeties.

 

[Tinyflame]

I realize most people don't realize people with dementia need cuing with each task as though it's the 1st time, and reassurance the same way each time of what to expect, and that the person will be there for them, so they will not be scared or feeling 'at sea', and take matters in to their own hands.

I think if I had to do it over, I would still not have had children since my parents were told they weren't expected to have lived past 40's, and sisters (and other relatives) were diagnosed with terminal cancer in 20's, 30's. It would not be right to have risked leaving a spouse and kids orphaned without a parent. How do you ignore that?

 

[Tinyflame]

Awfully frightening question and thoughts in my mind, but too scary to voice, no where to voice, and no point to voice, really, can"t think of anything that could be suggested. So I guess it just sits there, in my knowledge.

 

[8888]

I wanted to go to a Zoom event tonight but I chickened out but now I wish I had went. But it’s a weekly thing so maybe next time.

 

[Tinyflame]

I think the future was damned since childhood. Unkucky break, but perpetuated enough grief myself. Too late for do-overs.

 

[Tinyflame]

I have been thinking lately, that one person's actions, and my whole life went off on this trajectory. But actually, it was my inaction in response- my cowardice- that did it, Am still a coward.

 

[Tinyflame]

A kind man said today friends always- always- don't want to do harm (to us). Which I thought, I guess that means = trustworthy. But I thought, too late, I said my good-byes. Mind you, I also had thought already it's way better for them for me to go, probably preferable. But I guess that makes me a good friend, also.