What Is On Your Mind Right This Second?

Everyone's a sociopath/psycopath/out to harm me in some way.

I've done this before. I don't know how to stop. It usually leads to agoraphobia.

I'm in a relationship. Of course I think the man is a sociopath. He has CPTSD, as well. We have very different traumas.

He does not fit any of the criteria for sociopath/psycopath. He meets every 'green flag' checklist. I just can't shake it. My traumatized brain thinks he's just lovebombing me and it will all collapse in about 6 months (because that's about how long a sociopath/psychopath can keep up a charade).

WTF, trauma brain? Just stop it already.

Edited to add:

I'm suddenly fat, ugly (cold sores and I think my age is showing), and deformed. This is a very different from how I was feeling a couple of days ago, where I thought that everyone in the world had a crush on me, somehow.
Occurred to me from other thread, no one is responsible for anyone else re:choosing SI, but more importantly no one else has the right to interfere with what you choose for yourself.
Aaron. Luke. Ian. Brenden. Sam. The people who made us who we are & loving them for it. Missing them more.

ETA… All of those names were on my ‘baby name’ list. As I love the name as well as the person, but more because of the man who bore it, kind of thing. I am profoundly grateful my Ex NIXED those baby names, though, as TheKiddo? Got to simply be himself. Instead of in honour -or tied to- the best people I’ve ever known/loved. One more name added to the List. Of ‘Most Loved’.
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My relative said years ago, if a tradition is killing you it's time for a new tradition.
Why continue to suffer or struggle because... they used to .. someone else says you have to .. or because (xyz). Especially people I wouldn't hear from in a year or 10 if I didn't initiate.

Soon as I can get out of house, which I will not take a share of anyway, I wll be free.. The ones who have hurt me have hurt me too much and the ones who are indifferent I feel indifferent about too. No one can convince me any further bearing of this is worth it or sane, or any sense in comtinuing to choose to.
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I think it is a conundrum, that literally all my problems would be solved if I was not 'here'. and i don't even mean 'all' as a fallacy, it's actually just fact. Certainly seems, or perhaps I intuit, that choosing to persevere would be or is the last and greatest mistake of all.

Sorry if that's stupid. I think it should be based on an individual case, not a blanket statement. In my case it actually applies.

ETA, I was thinking of this, because I knew a couple, not much older than I. Great people. Husband had a chronic progressive illness, wife cared for him. Wife got cancer, jerk of a dr my family member had. That dr the only game in town for certain area of cancer. Thought if I ever got it there wouldn't even bother going to him, quack at best. Of course he missed wife's, only after months of her insisting he re-visited it, sure enough she had it. Told her it was early stage. Of course it wasn't and had spread. Bad news upon bad news. Husband chose MAID. Likely since wife would not be able to care for him, with her treatments or obviously incapacitation or death. About 3 weeks later wife chose it also. Heard yesterday from person I've known for decade family 'nice' people but offered no help at all. At first I was disheartened when he opted for it over no help. Today I thought, sure, in an ideal world. But it's not an ideal world, and they knew that intimately. Most people around them said they had no sympathy since he chose it; they all became quiet when she chose it too. No one seemed to consider why, because no one there was living her/ their reality. Even in church they said they don't give someone an end-of-life blessing with that. Yet they were great people out of resources and strength. The only condemnation I can see is for judgmental people, or all of us/ any of us allowing that situation to be the case, not them. Perhaps they made a wise choice, based on facts.
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