What Is On Your Mind Right This Second?

[Givrali]

Things to plan things to organize things I could do to show my cousin she's not alone things I'll have to do when I finally I could actually live in my new home things to do things I have to remember to keep me in a not too bad state....

 

[Tinyflame]

Ugh I am too tired to even wash my face. I am going to bed.

 

[Givrali]

I want to never have to deal with people anymore . It's useless to try to improve social skills because I'll always be judged like I make no effort even if I'm agonizing in pain from how hard I'm trying

 

[Tinyflame]

A kind of strange day so far- early a.m. a guy threatened to kill someone on the bus he didn't know, and he followed him to the seat behind me, then I had a nice talk with 2 homeless men, then I had a nice compliment I didn't expect, then a guy cycled by me and stopped and asked me for a High 5, then a guy came to me and told me ~"Jesus told him to tell me He's coming", then a dear friend helped me with a problem hurting my heart, then it kind of hit me it's astonishing I'm 'here' at all, all things considered, then I bumped in to a friend while shopping I used to avoid and he shared the Bing cherries he bought on the grass under a tree like a picnic.

I feel kind of- . I think (hope) I'll just let the strange things float out of my mind. I need to take it easier today for my mind, heart and body (and soul frankly) and hope for just some peacefulness and gratitude and a break. And hopefully no T-storms!!

 

[Dynamic]

Im torn between feeling and healing and shutting down and running away. Bleh.

 

[Givrali]

Except the usual dark thoughts, I want to stay in my new home forever

 

[Tinyflame]

Hugs to you @Defaultxlove . So difficult sometimes.

Congratulations on your new home @Givrali ! Make it lovely in the ways that make you feel good just to see them- a picture that brings you a smile, a stuffie in the bathroom if you want, fresh cut flowers... Whatever you like.

I went to do a few small jobs outside, in short shorts and a light sleeveless top because no one would see me, and-> I nearly melted! (And I don't usually even sweat.) So it was enough work in the garden to get rid of a few weeds (in both places, there and my head), and yet too hot to actually work.

i am treating myself to something every sunday to make it a sweet day. This week I bought Root Boost for 2 rose cuttings and some new perennials, though I'm a bit late, and jelly. Last week, ice cream. Thankful for a free book too. Really short/ day. I want to see if I will feel/ 'be'? different at the end, around October if I can keep reading and am 'here'.

Really hope the poor roses can make it, this is pretty hard weather for roses they like cooler.

I think a lot of that saying, knowledge says a tomato is a fruit, but wisdom says don't put it in a fruit salad. Was thinking as I worked, I think sometimes it's very contrary, what is needed, I mean maybe better said counterintuitive. Many people need kindness. Like the woman I knew who made the class rebel class monitor, because she realized he needed respect. Or the mindset finally changing that punishing kids , esp hyperactive ones with time outs is nuts, better calming and positive for example. (I just saw that recently). I really don't know, but I'm going to try to stick to kindness, listening, prayers, good counsel, no judgement, honesty. Mostly prayers, because I can't do anything but God can do whatever He chooses, IMHO. Idk but it feels important to try to put it in to words.

I should do a couple of jobs inside, but don't even want to do one. Lazy!

Hope that makes sense.. Kind of overheated head atm lol.

 

[Tinyflame]

Wow, of all things, on that show Bull the guy said something like ~ 'Regretting things, doesn't make you guilty of causing them'.

 

[Tinyflame]

I wasn't thinking of it on purpose, but it did come to me just minutes ago, after talking all day to others about totally unrelated things, I think part of the problem for my relative and her partner is that they don't soothe each other. It wouldn't/ couldn't happen drinking, but other times., which often precedes the drinking Which leaves her feeling very lonely even with him, and doubting. My relative's partner is highly dismissive-avoidant , textbook really, that at least I've suspected for a long time. But, for example, he was devastated when the dog died (had to be put down), all of us were. He did actions to help, even bought her a dog later and went to much trouble to do it, etc. But he didn't physically or verbally console her at the time that I saw. Not even a hug or taking her hand.. Which again is textbook. Rather, drove in a blizzard, cried there, took us both for something to eat/ dinner out of town. He also blames others for problems or when things don't work out, doesn't think he could need help or have a part (again textbook),, but I think it wouldn't cross his mind to think someone shouldn't just console themself. And then he says, they aren't happy ,which they aren't. I think it's actually genuine- from that perspective. But the bigger problem is that they simply don't, and yet I don't think they understand that of one another, or respect that could be true, or would think of that.

And thinking today was the day my aunt died, and it was also a tuesday.

 

[Givrali]

Too many things to do too many things to do

 

[Lionheart]

I'm just soaking up the peace and quiet... I guess I am thinking about this long, hard, winding road that I have traveled these past 22 years. Looking back I am amazed at how strong I can be and how my heart has been taken advantage of. Makes me proud but sad.

 

[Tinyflame]

I think it's better if I just stay aware/ try to be grateful, be aware of others' needs. I can always pull from the sidelines, anonymously.