What Is On Your Mind Right This Second?

[caroline_13]

How Swiss cheese is kinda gross.

 

[farolights]

How I feel as tired as the dead but cannot sleep at all due to the same thought repeating over and over in my head. (Or when I finally distract from it, it, among others, flood to my mind and keep me awake. I think this is the worst it's ever been.)

 

[Friday]

3 hours of whodunit or 3 hours of gun-fu?

Aaaaaargh. I hate being trapped watching television. I want to go DO something, go, go, go… do something, anything, dammit.

 

[Tinyflame]

I was thinking people are not trauma-informed, nor don't need to be, why should they care? Yesterday I missed church, used to be the day that meant the most to me; thankfully the one online one I watched and I felt bad I missed UNTIL they said everyone's washing everyone else's feet.. Thanks but no, I think the word is consent. Today, they said it doesn't matter there's a Resurrection cross (ie no one on it). Unless of course you suffer daily and hope to make sense of it, since that is only through overcoming or support because there's no sense in any of the rest. Love doesn't win, it just bears. Then like an ass I asked for help/ a question re: Sunday- Easter, why in retrospect Idk, I know the answer and it is just something else to avoid. I am going to leave, which doesn't matter, anyway.

But then, maybe I'm not the same person, either. I want a place that's safe and peaceful. One time Lent started, was reading this prayer where to begin, thought Idk. I ~heard (not 'heard') 'Lent ends". I 'got it'. Some of us relate to different parts. There is no room for me in that world.

I picked up something to make someone else's Easter a bit nicer (hopefully) and I will make other plans. Trauma-informed ones this time. That take myself in to consideration, are not reliant on others who don't care either way, and where I can be left in peace.

 

[Miyu38]

I woke up early to watch the sunrise which was nice to just be outside talk to God and listen to the birds.

 

[user27357]

could the people I am surrounded by be any more selfish and self involved? Take take take. My reality is give and take, and don't blow it. not once, not ever, or else. Dont count on anyone giving me anything, not without a cost. Give, then take. Zero sum. I can live with my reality, It looks like that's the way of the world. I would rather live in mine than in theirs. Pity them, not me. I made this bed, it is mine and I earned it.

 

[Tinyflame]

Idk the words to express it, but I think triggers are more likely with H.A.L.T, and many stressors. Sort of seems to take on a life of it's own, like a runaway train. Because looking back, I was exhausted from shoveling (blizzard), yet thankful much had been snow blown, only had to do about 5 hours not 15+); I was worried storm would forgo Easter; I was worried about flooding/ roof/ house/ garage; I have stress at home; work called me on my one vacation day, and am run in to the ground with them, plus have not honored anything except some back pay in Coll Agreement after 5 years to get one, plus not replacing missing workers; I hadn't eaten; there was an appt expected to look at 2nd(? replacement?) dog. Other stuff I can't recall. Then blindsided when I didn't have strength and was hoping to get some. Seems so stupid and embarrassing, especially when I *know* it's influenced by the past. And when I've done better, other times. I suppose I have to look for what I did right or less-wrong, but can't think of anything atm. although I guess other than here I kept most of it to myself.

 

[Tinyflame]

I was thinking too, I don't understand (I mean I just don't know the answer), on when I tried so hard to get opportunities grounding and healing, since often I can, it just didn't (mostly) work out: I was too beat, or just listened but couldn't accept the words, or none available, or audio didn't work. Not sure if just temptation to give up, or simple fact of circumstances. It's ok, anyway. Still thankful for what was helpful, andwhat I'm grateful for/ about. But it does puzzle me a little?

 

[Aprilshowers]

In one week I will be at the beach !

 

[Tinyflame]

I think one of my biggest pblms is forgetting the cardinal rule of maintaining a holding pattern when necessary. That, and turning against everyone, not holding on to anchors but looking for why I definitely shouldn't. Not sure if that makes sense? Back to work!

 

[Friday]

Eedjits. And the joy therein.

 

[user27357]

@Friday eedjits? Like as in Yosemitee Sam saying "consarn eedjet rabbit!"
A coworker has a cartoon hanging that shows a person riding a pallet jack like a skateboard and the words "you can't fix stupid but it is fun to watch". is that the joy therein?
Now you got me thinking about idiots and the fun of watching them do stupid things.