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What Is On Your Mind Right This Second?

My wife finding a pair of ankle strap heels in my size and a dress for me at a second store and bought them. Glad to have her for full support of my fulltime crossdressing, she knows what I love
 
Is my life ruined? What does that even mean?
Sometimes I feel the same way. I am very ignorant about who I am. It seems like if the trauma stuff was gone there would be nothing left. There is something going on in me I don’t understand. I have lots of anxiety but beneath that I am starting to wonder if there are boat loads of shame. Rationally I know there isn’t anything to feel shame about. I was abused, that is in the past but I seem to continue abusing myself with shame, if that is what it is.
 
My mind is less panicky today. My mind is starting to believe I will move out of this difficult episode. Friends showed me gentle kindness yesterday and helped me install lamps in my apartment, and took away some furniture that needed to be taken to the dump. My body hasn’t caught up yet but my mind feels more peaceful.
 

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