One step at a time
MyPTSD Pro
As always, please take what helps and leave the rest.
I think one factor that matters is the "window of tolerance." When we are outside our window of distress tolerance, we are often
(1) flooded by disconnected emotions and/or memories. They are intrusive and loud and painful and there is nothing productive happening - we're just swept up in the flood and banged about.
(2) dissociated, disconnected, numb. How did I get here? Why does everything feel so far away? Meh, not sure. When did it start? Shrug.
Trauma processing doesn't go so well until we figure out how to access it in manageable chunks. Sometimes, these chunks are unbelievably, infinitesimally, frustratingly small. I can't stand red scarves, so I take a blue scarf that I love and weave a single red piece of yarn into it, in the shape of a heart. And wear it and wear it and wear it until I don't notice anymore. Or I begin chipping away at shame, looking for tools and ideas and metaphors that have helped others on this site begin to make sense of their shame.
A really good, skilled trauma therapist is useful because they can do things like
(1) read our window of tolerance from the outside
(2) catch warning signs that we are moving outside that window before we do
(3) teach us to recognize when we are inside that window and when we are outside of it for ourselves
(4) teach us tools for responding to the symptoms that arise when we are outside our window of tolerance (grounding, etc.)
(5) offer help and tools within that window that help us to process, make connections, have compassion for ourselves
We can learn these things ourselves, sometimes, it's just harder.
I am not ok with any of what happened to me - it wasn't ok. But some of it doesn't haunt me in the same way, anymore. I don't think I could have accomplished that without outside support of some kind.
I think one factor that matters is the "window of tolerance." When we are outside our window of distress tolerance, we are often
(1) flooded by disconnected emotions and/or memories. They are intrusive and loud and painful and there is nothing productive happening - we're just swept up in the flood and banged about.
(2) dissociated, disconnected, numb. How did I get here? Why does everything feel so far away? Meh, not sure. When did it start? Shrug.
Trauma processing doesn't go so well until we figure out how to access it in manageable chunks. Sometimes, these chunks are unbelievably, infinitesimally, frustratingly small. I can't stand red scarves, so I take a blue scarf that I love and weave a single red piece of yarn into it, in the shape of a heart. And wear it and wear it and wear it until I don't notice anymore. Or I begin chipping away at shame, looking for tools and ideas and metaphors that have helped others on this site begin to make sense of their shame.
A really good, skilled trauma therapist is useful because they can do things like
(1) read our window of tolerance from the outside
(2) catch warning signs that we are moving outside that window before we do
(3) teach us to recognize when we are inside that window and when we are outside of it for ourselves
(4) teach us tools for responding to the symptoms that arise when we are outside our window of tolerance (grounding, etc.)
(5) offer help and tools within that window that help us to process, make connections, have compassion for ourselves
We can learn these things ourselves, sometimes, it's just harder.
I am not ok with any of what happened to me - it wasn't ok. But some of it doesn't haunt me in the same way, anymore. I don't think I could have accomplished that without outside support of some kind.