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What Made You Angry Today?

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The murder of the soldier in Woolwich is horrific and just unspeakable that anyone should do this.

But knowing how I react to violence of any kind I don't want to see that image of the detestable monster covered in blood weilding that machete; and I don't want to hear the graphic details of what happened. I have avoided the news because that image will stick with me and bring me down.

Pilates is somewhere I go to try and calm myself. One of the women there who, to me is very annoying because she just is too loud and talks all the time and is too much; there is extrovert and funny and there is annoying and too dominating she crosses the line.

Sure enough today in the middle of pilates she bursts out in full exuberance describing in graphic detail what happened to this soldier. She was talking about it excitedly and she had the news footage of the monster who did this and she was describing how he was still holding the machete covered in blood whilst talking and she described in detail what happened to the soldier. She wanted to get her phone out and show everyone in the class, the news footage of the monster standing there covered in blood still yielding the machete and talking normally.

I just lay there with that image in my head almost shaking and saying NO I did not want to see it and hope that no-one else agreed. Luckily they didn't. But I felt this woman was taking pleasure and excitement out of describing this horrific incident in full graphic detail; it was another way of her gaining attention in class and completely inappropriate.

Now there are pictures on my face book page of this monster and with comments about "bring back the death penalty" I feel nothing but compassion and horror for what the family of that soldier is going through but I don't want to see that image plastered everywhere and I am betting neither do that family. But maybe I am just too sensitive.
 
Nightmares! G*&damn nightmares, that I'm going through right now. Woke up the 3rd time within 2 1/2 hours, screaming, with a pounding heart and full of sweat. Since a few nights, my ex-husband has taken over my sleep. I feel like haunted.

It even starts, the very moment before one falls asleep. In the twinkling of an eye, a terrible, hateful grimace of his face comes into my mind! Without warning or something like this... SH*T!!! But I know it already; Behind the anger is a lot of despair, because of these nightmares....
 
PTSD made me angry tonight.

Hubby suggested we go out and eat tonight, so I did not have to cook. Its not often we do this, so it was nice that he suggested it for a change.

Just as our meal arrived his anxiety kicked in and he was almost out of it by the time we finished. We then had to get a taxi home instead of walking in the evening sun as planned.
 
How hard it is to do things in my life at the moment. I am really struggling. I feel so alone. The anxiety is really a big problem. Made it through the day at the workshop. Then I went to a bellydance class. It is so hard for me at the moment. It is going to take some time to work this out.
 
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