What Made You Angry Today?

[Gadgie]

Finding out that my GP has been lying to me when he said he had contacted the hospital about my operation?

As I called the hospital direct today, to see why I've been waiting so long, after I was told that my case was an emergency?

 

[Not Important]

Lying, pathetic, subhuman, backstabbing c*nts. Every friend I've ever had turns out to be nothing but a complete traitor. The mere thought that these defective subhuman vomit sacks even continue to breathe fills my entire life with nothing but crippling hatred. For such absolute evil as them, only the gas chambers would serve as a fitting punishment. These parasites deserve to be absolutely exterminated with the utmost sadism, just like what they showed me for so long.

 

[Ronin]

@Not Important, you really need to work at that rage.

Complete traitor for what, precisely? I bet you if you had to deal in situations where treason is a serious issue, you wouldn't think of them as subhuman, but people put in an extraordinarily tough spot. One that hurts for many other reasons than simple own rage & broken trust.

 

[Not Important]

@Cashew I doubt anyone could ever comprehend the heinous abuses that a person would be subjected to reach this point. I care not to go into the specifics, but it seems as if my life is nothing but bait and switch; any hope or validation that I might feel is crushed sooner or later - it happens so often that I've come to expect nothing but just that. All of my love or respect (an emotion that I actually am capable of, surprisingly) is rejected because of the brainless and cruel defamation embraced by society that people like me are "creepers" or have an ulterior motive. I never had many friends growing up; my mother was too busy beating me silly for my identity and having me arrested for things I never did for me to have a valuable social life, something that everyone takes for granted. Indeed, she would call me subhuman and tell me about how much I deserve to be lynched, so I compensate by saying such things about people who actually do. The few friends I did have I related to initially because of things like similar favorite video games or taste in music, but sooner or later they all vomit their absolutely sickening ideologies, which justify the abuse I have suffered, especially that which was on the basis of my sexuality. They have a pathological obssession with demonizing the abused, and to think that a human being is even capable of having such unspeakable beliefs makes me want to vomit. I consider it the utmost betrayal considering my past. I'm paralyzed because if I dare call them out on their heartless bile then they will mock me incessantly and mercilessly, as if somehow I am the bad guy. I have every right to be hateful. My hatred is justified in the circumstances of my horrible reality, not in some piece-of-shit complex of absolute lies regarded as the truth.

I want to be happy, I want stability, I want compassion. It's just that nothing I do ever earns these things, in spite of my best intentions. I'm sorry for subjecting you to this rant.

 

[Ronin]

I doubt anyone could ever comprehend the heinous abuses that a person would be subjected to reach this point.

A forum full of survivors you're talking to.

As in, literally, pick anyone on this forum.

Others' cruelty is not a reason to turn that cruelty on anybody else. It is good to vent, but hate is blind & trapping on its own, where one can get somewhere else with their life, or use the hate more productively than be eaten by it.

 

[Not Important]

If it's against the person who had the audacity to violate you in the first place, then I believe that there's no excuse not to. It's not like I'm threatening to take my rage out on a dog or innocent child; these bigots have made it clear that they will never renounce their atrocities and I would only be able to enjoy life again if I know they will not be able to inflict any more suffering. I have no control over what I feel, and any attempts I've made to prevent the circumstances which incur these negative emotions have proven fruitless; if not, they backfire. It's sad. It's a tragedy. I can't escape no matter how hard I try. I would want nothing more than to live a low-key and happy life, but that ship has capsized.

I hope I'm proven wrong someday. Once again, please forgive my acid tongue.

 

[RavenGirl]

I would only be able to enjoy life again if I know they will not be able to inflict any more suffering.

You may feel that way now, but what I found was this. The best revenge I could ever have on my abusers was to rise above and have a better life than them. Oh yes, I did that and I made sure they knew how well I was doing and how despite what they did to me they couldn't keep me down. They couldn't ruin my life, that I would prevail despite what they put me through.

You see, narcissistic abusers want you to get angry. They want you to rage, they want to take your power. I refuse to give them my power, I will not give them that satisfaction. I just cut them out of my life and found people who do love me for who I am. I'm now dealing with the abuse and stronger than ever. My heart feels so much better now that I've forgiven and dropped the hate and started to heal. I truly hope you can get to that point in your life as it's such a better place to be. I wish you peace, harmony, and healing. :hug::tup:

 

[Not Important]

I get angry because their disgusting level of heartlessness reminds me of my own horrible past. It's not a matter of me letting the past go, but vice versa. I can't decide my own emotions. It's not like I make a choice to feel unhappy, or deliberately incur these traitors' intolerance. It's physically impossible for me to decide to feel happy, that is entirely determined by external factors or my own spiraling thoughts. My misery and hatred tortures me to the point where I'm paralyzed and all I can do is sit there catatonic. I wish I had the power to make my life better. I'd like to think that one day I could do that and have all my efforts actually be rewarded for once, but realistically I don't even know where to begin, and if I did I would probably just fail spectacularly given my prior attempts to take even one of the privileges or positive experiences in life that everyone else takes for granted.

Right now, I just feel sad. I screamed and ranted to the point where now I'm just tired. My soul aches. I take back what I said about the only thing that would make me feel joy is revenge; it isn't the only thing... I just wish I had someone who would love me. I know it sounds so sappy and lame, but I just wished someone would love me unconditionally and faithfully. We would drink from two straws out of the same milkshake and ride on the swingset hand-in-hand and in unison. The kind of person who would understand me without even needing to say or hear a word. The kind of person who would embrace me and let me sob until all my pain and suffering washed away. Ironically enough, the kind of person who would display the degree of selflessness and compassion that my mother once did... that is, before she decided to hate me. I'm such a pussy and loser. Such a person does not exist, and even if they did they would find me repulsive. I look like a mutant cross between Danny Devito and 2009 Justin Bieber.

I'm sorry I'm such a rambling basket case. One day I'll get my shit together. I am so sorry I'm forcing you guys to hear this. I fully admit to being a hostile, inflammatory piece of shit and I wish I never needed to be. I would put my entire generation through college and pay off the last one's mortgages if I had the means.

 

[Ed Norton]

Wow that's terrible to feel that way @Not Important

 

[RavenGirl]

@Not Important , are you seeing a therapist? Not really a question you need to answer. I'm only asking because I'm seeing one and she's helped me a lot in so many ways. Maybe you would also benefit from that. I hate that you are so down on yourself, it actually hurts my heart. The first person who needs to love you is you. Please show more compassion towards yourself, as we tend to believe what we hear. Even when (especially when) it's us doing the talking. Sending gentle hugs your way.

 

[Ed Norton]

Well this was yesterday but..
My best friend was telling me that I'm stuck and that I need to move forward. He then says he knows all about me and I said:
"Then STOP TRYNA BE A f*ckING DR PHILL AND TELL ME MY PROBLEM...I DGAF..IDC!"

Today I sent him a picture of Dr Phil and he wrote '?'

And I said 'That's you yo actin like Dr Phil'
Then we laughed and started on another topic

 

[Not Important]

@Not Important , are you seeing a therapist? Not really a question you need to answer. I'm only asking because I'm seeing one and she's helped me a lot in so many ways. Maybe you would also benefit from that. I hate that you are so down on yourself, it actually hurts my heart. The first person who needs to love you is you. Please show more compassion towards yourself, as we tend to believe what we hear. Even when (especially when) it's us doing the talking. Sending gentle hugs your way.

Hugs received and reciprocated.

I am seeing one, but haven't been able to get an appointment in a while. Last time I was going to go see her I had specifically stayed over at a relative's house (the therapist's office is far from home, it's close to where my school is) and the minute I was about to head out the door I got a call from the office secretary saying she had to cancel on account of an emergency. Wasn't clear whether it was with another patient or in her family. Since then I haven't been able to get in touch with her for a while, she isn't responding to my phone calls. Plus I'm really busy with school.

I really appreciate all the solidarity you are all expressing. I feel like a complete asshole ranting like that, but it is rather cathartic and I just wouldn't be honest about my feelings if I dumbed by rhetoric down. To show sympathy and comforting words in response to my genocidal, vengeful diatribes really is a telling act of compassion. I can't thank you all enough.