What Makes A Good Therapist?

[CCurry]

I have no idea where I'm really heading with this thread but I can see that my bf's therapist is a little too laid back, she also vacations a lot, she books up easily so 2 weeks can go by before the next session. This is all very upsetting for me as my bf is not stable yet.

My bf thinks she's ok, agrees she's laid back and quite frankly is totally okay with waiting for 2 weeks because wallowing in his ptsd is okay for him.

For this questions sake, I'll put aside the vacation issue or the 2 week wait for the next appointment, but ultimately what makes a great therapist??

 

[UConnclar]

I'm digging out of the nasty part of the PTSD hole and really hit rock bottom from June until September. The one thing I can say is that my therapist really helped me get stabilized during that time. I would see her two or three times a week while we worked through some of the trauma. Along with being in such a rough spot with the old trauma, I found that normal life was almost too much to handle and my therapist was able to guide me through.

It took me a lot of searching to find the right match but my current therapist has some background in PTSD and has studied the effect of trauma on the brain. She definitely challenges me to look at things through a different lense. I also feel extremely comfortable in talking with her and she's had some great tips for me to take control over some of my trauma that was so out of my control.

I hope that helps a little but I would say that two weeks between appointments is too much time.

 

[bonnecanyon]

I think it's important for my therapist to have some background in ptsd, otherwise how can she understand and help me? I see her every week and did have a period when I saw her twice a week. Right now it's been 2 weeks because of the holidays and I am going crazy. Can't wait for my appointment on Thursday.

I feel that she cares about me and my progress and truely wants me to get better. Sometimes she laughs at how ridiculous I am about my situation! But, all in all, she is helping me. I feel that we have a connection and that matters to me.

 

[somerandomguy]

Sometimes she laughs at how ridiculous I am about my situation! But, all in all, she is helping me. I feel that we have a connection and that matters to me.

If my therapist laughed at me or my situation, I would be looking for a new therapist ASAP. Just my 2¢

 

[Grainne]

I agree with BC - that connection is very important. I am really fond of my therapist and sometimes my sessions almost feel like I'm chatting with a girlfriend over coffee (a very expensive friend, mind you...lol). She pushes me when I need to be pushed, and just sits with me when I need to be quiet...she's very good at her job. She does fill up quickly schedule-wise, but she makes sure to book a few appointments ahead with me so I get the times that work best with my life. When she is too busy to see me (very rare) she makes the next available appt for me and then calls me when she has someone cancel. Has worked perfectly every time.

I can relate to your hubby in not wanting to go to therapy, and in being not so upset when appointments stretch to once every two weeks. In my case, I had to learn the hard way. Irregular visits to my therapist did not help me much..I found myself unfocused and with too much time in between appointments, I would quickly fall back into bad habits like isolation and denial.

It must be so hard for you carers...(xo) I can't imagine having to stand by and wait for someone I love to make the decision to buckle down and get well. It's not an easy thing to do, but with support like yours, he's sure to find the will.

Thinking of you both,
Grainne

 

[the racha]

Hi, CCurry. I've got a great therapist, although I've learned over the years that "great" does not mean "perfect." At least for me, qualifications of a good PTSD therapist are:

1. Background/training/experience with PTSD. Not just "anxiety disorders," but PTSD in particular.
2. Are available for-- at least-- weekly sessions. I don't understand these therapists that believe they can help folks with PTSD with bi-weekly sessions.
3. A good PTSD therapist might be available up to 2x/week if you need it.
4. Non-judgmental.
5. Understands and can identify the different stages of "uh-oh PTSD," which I define as being on my way to needing hospitalization.

Good luck.

racha

 

[Tija]

CCurry, what a great question for a thread, actually..

The most important factor for me, is that I have a great connection with my P. I really enjoy talking with my P, I like him as a person, and thus, feel very comfortable with him. If I did not, I believe my healing would be seriously hindered. I have had to talk about some very difficult subjects, told to no one.

Other things that are important to me:
1. I trust him
2. He has good knowledge, education,understanding and experience in treating PTSD.
3. I have a fixed appt - day & time are always the same. It feels like it is just for me. It helps
invest feelings of stability and safety.
4. I can call him, and he will call me back, and talk to me until I feel better.
5. I think he cares for me as a person.

My P is not perfect, either though. Like your bf's therapist, my P is also quite laid back, perhaps a little more than I'd like. I really wish he would encourage me more, too. There have been times where I wanted to leave and find another one for that exact reason.. But I guess.. the reason that keeps me staying is that great connection. You can't buy or make it.

I hope your bf can find someone better suited to his needs!

 

[maria]

Hi CCurry

You're on shaky ground, if you don't mine me saying so. Only another professional can judge the efficacy of a therapeutic relationship, and even they have difficulty doing so. You're not asking an objective question. You're questioning the competency of your bf's therapist. What you may not realize is that the most important aspect of therapy is the relationship between a client and therapist. And you are judging and perhaps undermining your bf's relationship with his therapist. You are not satisfied that he is satisfied. You think he doesn't know what's best for him. You can't possibly judge how good someone else's therapist is.

My therapist can't seem to get the appropriate prescription to the pharmacy. He calls in the wrong amount, the wrong dosage or he forgets altogether. It's a good thing he checks his email regularly because I 'm always having to pick up after him. How would you judge him?

What is important is the fact that I trust him. With PTSD everything depends on that. People with PTSD have huge trust issues, and they've learned how to disguise that fact. My advice would be to let your bf be the judge of his therapist. After all, he's the one who knows her best. If you undermine a relationship in which he has confidence, that could be disastrous for him.

If I'm wrong about what's going on, I apologize in advance. But the stakes are too high here for nobody to say nothing.

maria

 

[CCurry]

Thanks guys for weighing I so do appreciate it.

Being that I'm not a sufferer and instead carer I'm continually learning new things like for instance your warning Maria on judging his therapist. I certainly never told him because she was laid back she's not any good and if he thought that which I don't think he did then I certainly should be more careful.

I know that he likes her, he thinks she's competent she has an amazing understanding of ptsd and has worked with many military vets and in fact served in the military herself for a few years so she understands the whole military culture. Which I think is a huge bonus.

I know he's on board with the therapy thing but honestly until he's stable he really could still wallow in his ptsd and right now I'm a huge advocate for his well-being.

My one and only concern right now is getting him stable. Seeing him once every two weeks (or with no consistency) when he's in a very bad place does not seem like a good idea to me. Those are my only thoughts. Otherwise Maria its a valid point you make, much appreciated!

 

[bonnecanyon]

Somerandomguy

Just wanted to add that my therapist is not laughing "at" me - I probably worded that wrong - and I would definitely find someone else if that were the case. It's those times when I am ranting and being unreasonable that she gently gets a smile on her face and let's me know that I'm getting off track. Those were the weeks that I needed to go more than once!

BC