What now?

[Freida]

YEAH! I'm thrilled that he is taking you seriously and getting you the right kind of help - but how are you feeling about it?

 

[FauxLiz]

@Freida I am feeling terrified, confused, anxious, panicky and lost. I don't know what to tell my son, I don't know how I will get the hospital for the evaluation because I don't want to put my son through that. And know I don't live in an area where ride share services are available yet. I am also terrified about whether or not I will have a say in my treatment because in reading the staff bios at the hospital they are almost all certified in ECT and that will not be happening.

 

[Freida]

ok - -first thing first. Let your son help you! No matter how much you think you are hiding from him he knows you are struggling. Allow him the chance to be part of the solution - you owe him that.

And no - they are not going to force you to do ETC. This isn't 1964 and you are not starring in One Flew Over the Coo coos Nest. They may suggest that it is an option that could help, but they are not going to make you do it. However it may be something to discuss with them. My brother has severe depression and he did a ton of research and talked with multiple people who had it done successfully - and they all said it was a complete game changer. Sadly he was one of the few it didn't help even after multiple treatments, but other than a very short term memory loss (one day on average) he didn't have any ill effects from doing it.

You've done inpatient before - and it's always sounded like you were an active part of deciding how the process goes and what treatment options you want to try. So is there a "real" reason that you are afraid of this or is it just the whole stress cup overfilling and making you panic?

 

[FauxLiz]

I thinks it is a combination of stress cup overflowing and a real reason which is this hospital is close to home. When I am not on leave I hold a very public position and I am afraid that I will encounter either as a patient or staff member at this hospital that I know through work.

 

[Freida]

I am afraid that I will encounter either as a patient or staff member at this hospital that I know through work.

Oh I get that! And really -- no words of wisdom on how to overcome that fear.

Maybe this?

You have to weigh the risks of embarrassment that someone knows you are there vs your kids losing you as their mom and you never getting your life back on track?

 

[FauxLiz]

@Freida your logic is frustrating because I can't defeat it with my excuses. I know that this is the safe and right thing to do it is just scary, I was glad he didn't insist that I go this morning or force the issue but then I suppose two other dr appts today one with my Pdoc were good reasons to give me some slack.

 

[Freida]

Oh I don't doubt it's scary!!!

Being brave has nothing to do with being afraid.
Brave is when you are afraid and do it anyway.

And I have faith you can be brave

 

[Joan]

S ending thoughts your way. What are you thinking? Better to go yourself? Holding you hand from afar as you make tough choices

 

[FauxLiz]

Thanks @Joan I am honestly not sure what I am thinking. Not really sure what an assessment/evaluation entails. I would rather be voluntary but I would rather not go at all. I think I will email t.

 

[Joan]

I think it would be helpful if your T can give you some information and clarity, maybe what to expect. It is scary. I just want you to be safe and get support that you need.

 

[Joan]

Just checking in on you. How is it going? Were you able to talk with your T?

 

[FauxLiz]

@Joan I was able to email back and forth several times and in the end he wouldn’t budge so I am currently in the ER waiting area. Not looking forward to this.